SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 24th, 2020, 12:06am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion forum, please send me a message. There is no online registration. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Produced Script Database (Updated!)
Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production
Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Star Wars Episode IX The Fallen Sons Part I & II Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Star Wars Episode IX The Fallen Sons Part I & II  (currently 636 views)
Don
Posted: April 7th, 2018, 9:57pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
14280
Posts Per Day
1.97
Star Wars Episode IX The Fallen Sons Part 1 & II by Scott Sturm - Sci Fi, Fantasy - In the final moments of a decades long conflict . . . In the darkest hour for the galaxy . . . Hope will be found. 297 pages - pdf, format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

SimplyScripts Masks can be purchased at: facebook.com/UCanBeSafe/
-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (1 edits)
Don  -  April 10th, 2018, 6:06pm
revised draft
Logged
Site Private Message
Gerasimos
Posted: April 8th, 2018, 4:47pm Report to Moderator
New-ish



Posts
65
Posts Per Day
0.07
I had a go on this, as a huge starwars fun. Went through the first 15 pages, but formatting/grammar made me stop.

Some notes:
verb tense. Present progressive/past
Better use 'We see' insted of 'we're being..' or 'for/to us'
page 7- ... to us, the audience, it resembles... / page 10- Unkar appears larger than life... (
(show, don't tell)
break action scenes. eg page 9- Threepio turns and looks...is UNKAR PLUTT (should look something like this: Threepio turns and looks towards the trading post window. UNKAR PLUTT stands there. Conducts business).
Better break too many action 'and' too. eg page 11: Unkar's eyes grow wide. Grabs Threepio by the neck. Pulls him close.
Remove begins to, starts to..

Huge effort though, willing to go through the whole thing after a revision or something..


Features:
KTT Part ONE - The Polar Cabal
ALEXANDER - RISE OF THE PALADIN
ARAGORN - A LORD OF THE RINGS STORY
A Soul's Plea For Help
Coincidence

My facebook script page
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
Bui
Posted: October 21st, 2020, 4:21pm Report to Moderator
New-ish


Posts
1
Posts Per Day
0.03
I read the entire first part a few months ago, read about 20 pages of the second part before life (and Coronavirus), got in the way.

I'd say, most of all it was actually pretty good. It felt like it really was building up to something big, and i liked the dialouge aswell as the characters. Poe felt a bit out of character in the beginning, but you do you.

I actually respect, for someone who (according to a post on reddit) greatly dislikes The Last Jedi, you actually stuck pretty close to what it set up, which i admire.

Most of all, a good script, but a few points keep it from being great.

One big piece of criticism i've got is the ending of part I. It was basically 5 solid pages of action lines and really dragged. They were really hard to get through and almost made me quit reading the script.
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006