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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  Static Shock Moderators: bert
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Don
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 8:17am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Static Shock: The Series by Devin L. Hardy - Series, Action, Adventure - Series LogLine: An accidental exposure to an experimental mutagen results in a geeky high school student with super powers, and encounters with the DC Universe's most formidable superheros and supervillians.

Pilot Logline: A city desperately in need of a savior finds one in the form of a nerdy high school freshman, after a freak accident turns him into a human fuse box.57 pages - pdf, format

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You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky

Revision History (2 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Don  -  April 29th, 2018, 9:58am
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HyperMatt
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 5:56pm Report to Moderator
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Very, very nice logo on the cover page, but I would take it off if you want to get a serious response.


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LC
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 6:02pm Report to Moderator
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Do you like to eat pie after a good movie?

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Not strictly true in this day and age. If the writing is good it won't matter a lick.

That said, it is rather expressive.


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HyperMatt
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 6:07pm Report to Moderator
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Looking at Page 1:  
POLICE HELICOPTERS swoop down from ABOVE -- their HEADLIGHTS
aglow -- PROBING the streets for perps --
Do we really need all this capitalised?

This used to be a big struggle with me. Now I don't capitalise anything unless it absolutely has to be.
Is there a rule for this? I see it more prevalent in shooting scripts.


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FrankM
Posted: April 21st, 2018, 10:12pm Report to Moderator
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It's the logo from the cartoon series of the same name which ran in the early 2000s.

I was bothered by the caps as well, to the point I didn't know is STATIC was supposed to be a character or not.

The first real sin, however, was the on-the-nose dialogue between the paramedics. They should be relaying information to Dispatch so they have a legitimate reason to explain the victim's condition. They'd probably say something like "G.S.W. lumbar region, no exit" but you can long-form it as "gun shot wound to the lower back, no exit wound" so the audience can understand.


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