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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  Bottom
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Posted: November 30th, 2018, 11:28am Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Bottom by Logan McDonald - Short, Comedy - A straight adult star has some second thoughts after he agrees to act in a gay porn.  14 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: December 2nd, 2018, 3:58pm Report to Moderator
Old Timer

Let The Sky Fall

Various, exotic.
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Hey Logan - gave this a quick read, bit of an odd one really, a little dustbin buttcock-esq in its attempt to shock for the sake of it, i felt. There's some issues here and there but I got the feeling you were dictating the story more than getting involved in it, like you're telling us this instead of sharing the experience. I didn't get a real feel of a separate voice from the characters, so that made me feel again that this was just your take on it, not that you were involving me in it. Big chunks of dialogue too, didn't help.
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Logan McDonald
Posted: December 3rd, 2018, 10:28am Report to Moderator

Astoria, NY
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Thank you for the feedback!
It gives me a lot to think about since i wanted the script to be a more sympathetic look at something semi controversial that we don't hear about very often than shocking.

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