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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Family Scripts  ›  Katie Cartwright Wasn't Naughty
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  Author    Katie Cartwright Wasn't Naughty  (currently 163 views)
Don
Posted: December 31st, 2018, 9:13am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Katie Cartwright Wasn't Naughty This Year by Ron Houghton - Short, Family, Christmas, Fantasy - It's Christmas Eve, and Cole, the newly appointed elf, in charge of list examination has made a serious error. Without a moment to spare, can Cole fulfill the holiday wishes of a particular child. 12 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Nolan
Posted: January 1st, 2019, 11:35am Report to Moderator
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Ron,

I enjoyed this!  

The only thing I would point out is on page 9 when your scene heading is "FORTY SHELVES UP", you go on to say he's forty shelves up in the action lines.  Is he already forty shelves up or has he noticed it forty shelves up?  Just a minor thing, but stood out to me.  

This would be a great little short.  

Nice job!

Nolan
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eldave1
Posted: January 1st, 2019, 7:14pm Report to Moderator
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Ron: normally I kind of hate these.

But --

Well written - crisp and clean. Something I would read my grand kids - kudos. Solid job.


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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RonH
Posted: January 12th, 2019, 10:05pm Report to Moderator
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Nolan, Eldave

Thanks for the kind words on my script, and taking a few minutes from your day to check it out. Nolan, you're right about the error on pg. 9. I will definitely clean that up.
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eldave1
Posted: January 12th, 2019, 10:20pm Report to Moderator
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Quoted from RonH
Nolan, Eldave

Thanks for the kind words on my script, and taking a few minutes from your day to check it out. Nolan, you're right about the error on pg. 9. I will definitely clean that up.


My pleasure.  Was enjoyable


My Scripts can all be seen here:

http://dlambertson.wix.com/scripts
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Warren
Posted: January 12th, 2019, 10:58pm Report to Moderator
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Hi Ron, long time no see. Hope you've been well.

This isn't something I'd normally read either but I remember enjoying your work so I took a look.

It's a really cute story. The writing is top notch, it really flows very nicely.

Obviously going to be very expensive for a short film budget and may be better suited for animation.

Either way if this was made I think kids would enjoy it.

On a random side note, everytime I read Rolo I imagined some kind of viking elf because of the character from Vikings

Good to have you back. Hopefully we see more work from you soon.


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