SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is July 1st, 2025, 10:01pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
The primary purpose of the SimplyScripts Discussion Board is the discussion of unproduced screenplays. If you are a producer or director lookng for your next project, the works here are available for option, purchase or production only if you receive permission from the author.

NOTE: these screenplays are NOT in the public domain and MAY NOT be used or reproduced for any purpose (including eductional purposes) without the expressed written permission of the author.

New to SimplyScripts? - Tell us about yourself! | How does this discussion board work? - FAQs! | Submit Your Script
The answer to: Who wrote what script in the June 2025 One Week Challenge? <- click back there


The July 2025 One Week Challenge comes, soon.

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
Short Script of the Day | Featured Shorts Available for Production | Guidelines and Censorship | Produced Script Database | Oscar Winning Screenplays through the Ages | WGA Top 101 Screenplays

Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  ›  Lucifer's Arrival
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Lucifer's Arrival  (currently 1035 views)
Don
Posted: February 11th, 2019, 5:27pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
17346
Posts Per Day
1.94
Lucifer's Arrival by Samuel  - Short, Action - A story about Lucifer's Arrival to earth. How he ends up in a teens body and have to get back to hell. 14 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.

-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged Offline
Site Private Message
Matthew Taylor
Posted: February 12th, 2019, 9:46am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
Shakespeare's county
Posts
1893
Posts Per Day
0.77
Hi Samuel

Based on this script I am assuming you are new to screenwriting as there are a few newcomer errors in here.

These are all things that will come with practice and learning. This site has a plethora of scripts for you to read, I suggest you do so, the best way to learn in my opinion.

I'll try and be helpful with some pointers below:

- FADE IN: is missing
- You can do away with all of the "we see/we hear/can be seen". It just adds to the word count. This is a script for the screen, we see and hear everything.
- change of location or time = new slug. You move from the bedroom to the bathroom, here you can utilise the mini slug - research that one.
- Set the scenes. you slug tells us we are in a bedroom and nothing else. what does the room look like? you can tell a lot from a character based on the locations they choose to put themselves. for example, make the room messy/spotless/cluttered/minimal, this will reveal character traits immediately.
- you will see unfilmables mentioned a lot. These are things that are written but cannot be filmed. Advanced writers can use them minimally with great effect. as a newbie, I would steer clear of them. For example, you tell us what the character is thinking, but visually we cannot see that.
- be as specific as you can with your slugs. in one of yours, you put OUTSIDE, outside where? outside is a big place.
- Cut out unnecessary words. You tell us a character is about to speak, why? we can see the character talks in the dialogue.

These are some of the basics, once you get them down you can focus on improving other areas such as dialogue, characters, plot etc.

Try and write visually, use as little words as possible to tell us a lot - a thesaurus will help to choose more provocative words.

Good luck with your writing. Please get involved in this community, it will be the best thing you can do for your writing.

Matt


Feature

42.2

Two steps to writing a good screenplay:
1) Write a bad one
2) Fix it
Logged
Private Message Reply: 1 - 2
kyecooper4
Posted: February 18th, 2019, 7:41pm Report to Moderator
New


Posts
8
Posts Per Day
0.00
It's an interesting enough concept by your action needs a lot of work, read a  few short story screenplays and pick up a few bits and give it another go!!
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 2
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Action / Adventure Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on
Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006