SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is May 22nd, 2019, 9:06am
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login
If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship


Scripts Studios are posting for award consideration
The Beginners Guide to the SimplyScripts Discussion Board (WIP)


Yes, I am running script reviews, again...

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Dreaming Of An Old Tomorrow
Users Browsing Forum
No Members and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    Dreaming Of An Old Tomorrow  (currently 67 views)
Don
Posted: March 7th, 2019, 5:32pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
12982
Posts Per Day
1.94
Dreaming Of An Old Tomorrow by Scott Nelson - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy - A young boy stumbles upon an old tank, and a finds a mysterious new friend, only to find an unexpected connection between the two. 11 pages - pdf format

For production consideration - No comments required


Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
Andrew
Posted: March 9th, 2019, 2:53am Report to Moderator
Old Timer



Location
New York, USA
Posts
1617
Posts Per Day
0.43
Not quite sure what to think about this one. Feel like I missed the changover that the 'shimmer' represented; maybe I need to read it again.

If it's a fantasy piece (which it essentially is), I feel there needs to be more work done to build the wonder of the world.

I found the dialogue jarring (too adult-like for kids of 10), the reasoning for the tanks being there (without a world of fantasuy built, I'm spending too much time trying tying to explain it), and the change to the moral lesson (represented by the 'shimmer') feels inorganic.

Would be keen to hear your thoughts on what you're going for here, as that may clear up some of my comments / questions.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 1 - 1
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006