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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  Mealworms
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  Author    Mealworms  (currently 107 views)
Posted: March 21st, 2019, 4:35pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Mealworms by Rob Herzog - Short, Drama - A mother scrambles for solutions after she accidentally eats the mealworms from her daughter's science project. 11 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Matthew Taylor
Posted: March 22nd, 2019, 8:07am Report to Moderator

Shakespeare's county
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Hey Rob

I really enjoyed this - For some reason, I didn't think I would.

The characters were real, relatable, and interesting. The story itself kept my attention and I was rooting for the mom.

The opening scene is a tad long I feel, could be tightened.

You haven't listed it as a comedy, but I think it has light-hearted comedy elements - a dramady I guess.

I think the emotion could have been ramped up at the end - This is a struggling mom, she has fucked up and blames herself, most parents have been there so that's very relatable. She gets reassurance from these strangers that she is a great mom - so far so good. I guess I wanted to see a subtle reassurance from the kid at the end - you know, a simple hug of the leg and a "Love you mom" - as a parent, that would have heightened the emotion at the end for me - because at the moment the ending is more about the relief that she fixed that problem, rather than a final show of "yes, I am a damn good mom" - does that make sense?

Anyway - just my opinion, which could be a load of nonsense

Best of luck with it


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Posted: March 24th, 2019, 4:14pm Report to Moderator
Been around a while

Nottingham, UK
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LOL, this script is hilarious. You nicely painted the struggles of a single mum. The actual act of the mum eating the worms is a bit too cruel, what about if she just somehow accidentally releases/loses the worms?
The whole script is very well written. Keep up good work,

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