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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  The Spelling Bee
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  Author    The Spelling Bee  (currently 140 views)
Don
Posted: May 30th, 2019, 10:39am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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The Spelling Bee by Chris Hicks - Short, Comedy - A regional spelling bee final takes an unexpected turn when the judge becomes infatuated with the mother of one of the contestants. 9 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Matthew Taylor
Posted: May 31st, 2019, 4:55am Report to Moderator
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Hi Chris

I don't know if you are around here much... I still don't know peoples names

Anyway, I read this - I read it in one go without taking a note which means the writing was good, nothing tripped me up, nothing jumped out at me and made me make a note. There was a word missing and a ? in an odd pace... but I had to be super picky to find anything.

The story - I thoroughly enjoyed it, a really fun read - The judge was hilariously inappropriate, it wasn't laugh out loud funny, but it was smile-inducing.

I can't be helpful I'm afraid, I have no advice to offer - The only thing that crossed my mind was breaking up a couple of the judge's monologues with slight actions, or audience reactions.

Good work

Matt
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khamanna
Posted: May 31st, 2019, 9:38pm Report to Moderator
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Hi,

Read your short. While it's deffinitely funny I had trouble buying into the whole thing.
I mean the crazy behavior, I think you should build up to it to make it believable.
I know some things are bound to be unbelievable and some writers pound it home and make the unbelievable sound right. But like I said not in this case.
Maybe it's because the Judge started his thing a bit too abruptly. And he was nice and polite, then all of the sudden just upon throwing a glance at the lady... Maybe she has to do something, too. She's silent all the way.

So, it's beginning basically. I think fixing it would take care of the whole thing. Also, the ending - I didn't ge the last line. And I know I didn't miss anything. It's just unclear I think. And it kind of lacks punch. So, the beginning and the ending.
Other than that I was waiting to see what happens and enjoying the funny lines. Some of it was actually hillarious.
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writechriswrite
Posted: June 4th, 2019, 7:23am Report to Moderator
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Re: the last line, it's a callback to one of the spelling words (Gelid, adjective, the definition is
icy, extreme cold). He's calling her frigid because she won't engage in his choke sex fantasies.
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