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The Hurt by Dominick Ottone - Short, Drama - The Hurt is a short film about first love, and inevitably, first heartbreak. Damon, a young college student, meets the girl of his dreams and falls head over heels in love, but when it all comes crashing down, his step dad Jim is there to pick up the pieces of his heart and offer some frank advice about 'the hurt.' 6 pages - pdf format
This was cute, and it touches on something one easily forgets, that feeling of first love and then losing it. The only thing I would maybe suggest, but it's not necessary, is to cut some of the VOs in the beginning as the story is pretty visual. Nice job.
Lovely style of writing, Dominick! On page 2, when their conversation on the campus unfolds, I’d like to hear much more of the dialogue to get the feel of what might have gone wrong. Perhaps she started looking down on him after he admitted to something shameful... I found a few typos - possessive forms need an apostrophe - Girl's shirt, Damon's apartment... It would be nice to have some kind of twist at the end, something unexpected, but that's always a difficult task. The final action describing the son and dad talking is a bit too general, something that's okay in a novel but shouldn't be in a script. Keep up good work, Marcela