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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Horror  ›  Ghost o'clock
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  Author    Ghost o'clock  (currently 142 views)
Posted: September 5th, 2019, 12:25pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Ghost o'clock by Christine Locker & Lee Ann Riddle - Short, Horror, Thriller, Supernatural - Ghost hunters cheat time to capture the money shot. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

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Posted: September 14th, 2019, 4:21am Report to Moderator
Old Timer

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Hey again,
it seems you're co-writing a lot. Good to have such a fruitful collaboration in this hard game I think.

I like the title. It feels to walk more in the ironic, humoristic field of scary stories. We'll see…

I'm quite okay with the logline too -- perhaps it could need an additional attribute for your characters, to build a clearer picture since the term ghost hunters itself is so heavily connected to the Ghostbusters world.  

All right… the presentation is generally okay, so I won't go into detail there.
The point is, it is all fine and smooth but I miss a little substance. It feels that you have a nice pattern to possibly shoot one or two interesting animated "ghost shots" out of it and have the quick scare on screen. But is "mediocre" enough?

Don't get me wrong. I generally like your style but just feel you could start to break the wall at some point. Be funnier, or be stronger on dramaturgy and characterization or say inventive somehow… take risks. Better let 50% of your readers say 'what the hell', when there's still a wide target audience on the other side who appreciates your own "distinct" way of entertainment.

However, your work truly is okay. And I wouldn't even be surprised if somebody shoots it for their reasons. Just want to say, there might be more… for sure even within this very plot. But I'll keep any suggestions for myself since it's about your ambition.

Good luck.  

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