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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Comedy Scripts  ›  iSex
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  Author    iSex  (currently 15925 views)
Don
Posted: January 19th, 2020, 10:52am Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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iSex by Alan C. Baird - Short, Comedy - Blind dating in the iPhone X and XXX age - who says a cell phone can't double as a sex toy? 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work



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Alan
Posted: January 20th, 2020, 4:20pm Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Looking for a producer/director. Ultra-low budget short comedy script. One male, twenties. One female, twenties. Set in a restaurant. Suggestive, but not explicit, material. Could be used as a mobile phone commercial. Viral potential on YouTube. Drop me an e - address on script!

http://9TimeZones.com/s/isex.pdf

iSex (3pp): "Blind dating in the iPhone X and XXX age - who says a cell phone can't double as a sex toy?"


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b

Revision History (4 edits; 1 reasons shown)
Alan  -  January 20th, 2020, 5:15pm
Cuz I'm an editor. It's what I do.
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StevenClark
Posted: January 23rd, 2020, 12:54am Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Alan,

Took a look here. I don't quite know what company might use this as a commercial, unless there's some underground phone company I don't know about.

This read more like a skit for an R rated version of SNL, but it was a fun tight little read, and the writing was good. However, the format was off - like all the info on the title page, and the title appearing on all three pages. Not supposed to do that. It could be a little cleaner in that regard. Not sure what software you used to write this, but the font looks off, as well.

Other than that it was pretty good. Best of luck with this.

Steve


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Alan
Posted: January 23rd, 2020, 10:45am Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Thanks for your feedback, Steve!
The formatter follows Cole/Haag standards: http://9TimeZones.com/scr2.htm
But LibreOffice generates a PDF that's very faint, so I bolded everything.
A Croatian prodco approached me on Tuesday, and it looks like we'll see a Hrvatski version soon. SMH.


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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StevenClark
Posted: January 23rd, 2020, 10:57am Report to Moderator
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Cast Your Fate To The Wind

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Alan,

Good job to you then. All the best going forward!


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Alan
Posted: January 23rd, 2020, 6:55pm Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Thank you, Steve - I'm pumped!
But I should probably mention that ALL the non-Croatian-language rights are still available.
Including English.


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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JohnMcCarthy
Posted: January 31st, 2020, 3:34pm Report to Moderator
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Okay, this one was fun. Not much I can add to the comments already posted, but I'm not sure it's considered Kosher to specify certain recorded songs. From what I've heard, this is the director's call. And the rights have to be procured in any case. But, that said, the songs you mentioned as the story fades out are freaking PERFECT!
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Alan
Posted: January 31st, 2020, 6:08pm Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Thanks, John! It doesn't hurt to make a suggestion, right?


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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Arundel
Posted: January 31st, 2020, 6:20pm Report to Moderator
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Cute. Clever concept and title. Some of the dialog was confusing (set up a fake call to get out of it?) but I got the story. Visuals worked, hehe. Usually adding a specific song title is not a good idea but here I didn't mind seeing that.
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Alan
Posted: January 31st, 2020, 6:38pm Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Thanks, Arundel! Some folks arrange for a fake "emergency" call to be made to their phone, so they can bow out gracefully, in case the blind date turns out to be a disaster.


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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MarkRenshaw
Posted: February 5th, 2020, 8:43am Report to Moderator
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With a name of iSex I had to read this! It was a fun, easy to read and follow few pages.

Aiming for a commercial is a great way to sell a comedy scene, so best of luck with it. I suspect it will be too edgy for mainstream TV, especially in the current climate, but you never know.


For more of my scripts, stories, produced movies and the ocassional blog, check out my new website. CLICK
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Alan
Posted: February 5th, 2020, 10:08am Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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Thanks, Mark! It's edgy, but maybe it'll show up on cable somewhere. Fingers crossed!


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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AndyJ
Posted: February 13th, 2020, 5:38pm Report to Moderator
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Funny way for a couple of 80 year olds to act.


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Alan
Posted: February 15th, 2020, 5:36am Report to Moderator
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Alan C. Baird

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LOL! It ain't over 'til it's over.


Alan C. Baird, Script Consultant: http://9TimeZones.com/b
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