iSex by Alan C. Baird - Short, Comedy - Blind dating in the iPhone X and XXX age - who says a cell phone can't double as a sex toy? 3 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Looking for a producer/director. Ultra-low budget short comedy script. One male, twenties. One female, twenties. Set in a restaurant. Suggestive, but not explicit, material. Could be used as a mobile phone commercial. Viral potential on YouTube. Drop me an e - address on script!

http://9TimeZones.com/s/isex.pdf

iSex (3pp): "Blind dating in the iPhone X and XXX age - who says a cell phone can't double as a sex toy?"

Alan,

Took a look here. I don't quite know what company might use this as a commercial, unless there's some underground phone company I don't know about.

This read more like a skit for an R rated version of SNL, but it was a fun tight little read, and the writing was good. However, the format was off - like all the info on the title page, and the title appearing on all three pages. Not supposed to do that. It could be a little cleaner in that regard. Not sure what software you used to write this, but the font looks off, as well.

Other than that it was pretty good. Best of luck with this.

Steve

Thanks for your feedback, Steve!
The formatter follows Cole/Haag standards: http://9TimeZones.com/scr2.htm
But LibreOffice generates a PDF that's very faint, so I bolded everything.
A Croatian prodco approached me on Tuesday, and it looks like we'll see a Hrvatski version soon. SMH.

Alan,

Good job to you then. All the best going forward!

Thank you, Steve - I'm pumped!
But I should probably mention that ALL the non-Croatian-language rights are still available.
Including English.

Okay, this one was fun. Not much I can add to the comments already posted, but I'm not sure it's considered Kosher to specify certain recorded songs. From what I've heard, this is the director's call. And the rights have to be procured in any case. But, that said, the songs you mentioned as the story fades out are freaking PERFECT!

Thanks, John! It doesn't hurt to make a suggestion, right?

Cute. Clever concept and title. Some of the dialog was confusing (set up a fake call to get out of it?) but I got the story. Visuals worked, hehe. Usually adding a specific song title is not a good idea but here I didn't mind seeing that.

Thanks, Arundel! Some folks arrange for a fake "emergency" call to be made to their phone, so they can bow out gracefully, in case the blind date turns out to be a disaster.

With a name of iSex I had to read this! It was a fun, easy to read and follow few pages.

Aiming for a commercial is a great way to sell a comedy scene, so best of luck with it. I suspect it will be too edgy for mainstream TV, especially in the current climate, but you never know.

Thanks, Mark! It's edgy, but maybe it'll show up on cable somewhere. Fingers crossed!

Funny way for a couple of 80 year olds to act.

LOL! It ain't over 'til it's over.