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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Drama Scripts  ›  I'll Drive Home
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  Author    I'll Drive Home  (currently 136 views)
Posted: January 19th, 2020, 3:32pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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I'll Drive Home by Simon Parker - Short, Drama - One Location, car: After they've driven into a gang of motorbike thugs, their car is surrounded. Watching her husband get beaten up, a young wife will have to take action. 3 pages - pdf format

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Posted: February 1st, 2020, 5:09pm Report to Moderator

Madison, WI
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This feels to me like the ending to a much larger story. Had Jerry been taking Ginger for granted? Had he failed to see her capacity for resilience, strength and split-second improvisation?

She goes from "her whole body shaking with fear" to a kick-ass avenging angel in less than 2 pages, which seems unlikely unless there is something in her backstory that might explain this extreme turn around.

The script also cries out for the inclusion of the scene in which the biker is knocked off his ride. Actually "seeing" them "drive like assholes" would help the reader identify more with Jerry.

Now, while I said "This feels to me like the ending to a much larger story" I want you to know that it feels like a very satisfying ending to a really interesting story. I just feel that there needs to be more.
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