Howie the Pox by Wayne Moss - Short, Thriller - One man holds the key to a fortune, another is determined to take it at any cost. 4 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Thanks, Don.

This was written the day after the last short in an attempt to write something quickly. It's not dissimilar to the other lackluster piece, so there's no need to go out of your way to offer feedback. Having never tried to write something in a day, I've new found respect for those who can.

One positive however was finding the voice for a character in my WIP, which means it wasn't a complete waste, I guess.

Cheers

Wayne,

Not a bad little short, but not crazy original. Lot of bang bang, shoot em dead, light on story. What I like most is the dialogue, which is good, but could use a trim. I’d like to see more of this dialogue in a fully flashed out story. Nice work.

Steve

Mighty kind of you to take the time, Steve.

It was more of an exercise than a dedicated attempt, and I agree, far from original.

I've taken your advice to trim the dialogue on board, and this may be something to return to at a later date - although Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels it ain't . lol.

Cheers Steve.
Wayne