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What If God Was One Of Us? (currently 121 views)
Posted: August 14th, 2022, 5:54pm
So, what are you writing?
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What If God Was One Of Us?
by Adam Rocke - Short, Drama - God comes to the Earth in the guise of a homeless man to check up on humanity. 11 pages - pdf format
Writer interested in feedback on this work
Posted: August 15th, 2022, 10:33am
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It's a well-told story, hits all the beats. It's just a little well-trodden. God or Jesus being a tramp in need, family, also in need, help him out, they get saved. From the opening passage it is obvious what is going to happen. Just too easy for me.
I think these stories always run better when the person being saved, doesn't at first deserve to be. They learn something during the story that changes them for the better and they deserve the extra life on the planet. Although, really, if heaven is so great to these cults, why isn't death the greatest thing ever?
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Posted: August 15th, 2022, 11:35am
January Project Group
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Good story, easy read, a little predictable, but otherwise and excellent script.
I have 2 notes:
The scar should be on the wrist, not the hand. People were crucified through the wrists, not the hands. However... after just Googling this to confirm... it appears that traditionally they were nailed through the wrists, but they could also have been tied at the wrists with rope and then nailed through the palms to increase pain. I think it would have been a greater twist to have the boy be Jesus and he saves the homeless guy.
Thanks for the read.
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