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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Thriller Scripts  ›  Why the Wi-Fi?
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  Author    Why the Wi-Fi?  (currently 478 views)
Don
Posted: December 11th, 2022, 2:01pm Report to Moderator
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So, what are you writing?

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Why the Wi-Fi? by Robert W. Haines - Short, Thriller - Never come between a child and the Wi-fi. 3 pages - pdf format

New writer interested in feedback on this work, please be nice


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Don  -  December 12th, 2022, 10:53pm
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ColinS
Posted: December 12th, 2022, 9:22am Report to Moderator
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Keep Believing!

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Hi There,

Enjoyed this. I like what you're going for here - Wifi or Internet access is pretty much the be-all and end-all of children's lives these days and frankly adult's too.

Loving the concept, like the writing too, particularly the n,n,nervous style dialogue.

Whilst it was nice, short and simple, I do think you could have had a little more fun with this - perhaps maybe like the daughter listing all things her father had now shut her down from doing:- Liking her friend's Facebook posts, posting her own 'pout' photos, streaming music videos, trolling etc. Basically, everything girls must do to survive these days.

Anyway, as I said I really like the idea - you might jus wanna go easy on the explanation marks going forward and get rid of that demon child character reference right at the bottom.

Good work!



"Some Day I'll Be Saturday Night..."

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ColinS  -  December 12th, 2022, 11:51am
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rwhaines1984
Posted: December 12th, 2022, 9:58pm Report to Moderator
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Thank you so much. Your message made me double-check which copy was uploaded and I quickly realized it was not the finished copy. Thank you so much for your kind words and I will certainly include fewer exclamations in the future. I was unsure of uploading any of my writing on this site, but today has proven it was a worthwhile decision.
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