Sorry! by Pranav U - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Romance, Drama - The protagonist tries to meet his lover's soul. - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

Hello,

I read your script. It's a bit straightforward for me. On the nose so to speak. he want's to meet her, the way to meet her is handed to him very easily, he reaches it (easily, he doesn't do much for it) and then he meets her. There's no twist, and very little conflict (if at all) and no cliffhanger to keep me waiting. I expect him to go that route and he does.

I wish you started with the psychologist, explaining the astral space to him. then we hear his story - why it's important for him to meet her. Then he doesn't believe it, maybe learns someone died that way... - add a conflict and obstacles. Just a suggestion to spice it up a bit.

My thoughts  really, others may disagree.

I don't know if you are shooting this but if this is for producers the formatting is not correct. Maybe you could study the correct formatting. Also, it's a lot of exclamation marks for me. Also, maybe you could work on the dialog more.

please take it with a grain of salt. and you don't have to agree of course. Good luck!

Dear Pranav U,
this is quite a common story thread (I remember very many years ago writing something similar called Astral Plane - meeting your soulmate on/after a plane crash) so you could go even further into your imagination to embelish. Make this work a visual and emotional feast for the senses, with perhaps just a tad of foreshadow (strange things occuring) to show that Mridula is attempting to make contact.
It also doesn't have to be linear. Formatting errors as above. You can't edit a blank page! This is like a first draft - so give yourself some breating space and polish up into a "final draft"  All best - JtF