Payback by John Stone - Short, Thriller - A missing bag containing two kilos of class A drugs are sought by their vicious owner. 20 pages - pdf format

Writer interested in feedback on this work

John,

Always enjoyable to read scripts spawned from The British Isles as a massive fan of the content that comes from your lot.

As a US Person who writes Brit, et al. characters I admit I am a little ignorant of general US/UK/ROI rules of screenplay formatting, but here's what I noticed (not nitpicking, just for your own (potential (benefit) based on US/Hollywood protocols:

1) Capitalization (especially in dialogue) is a no-no now (apparently). Even for SFX/SPFX which is weird...

2) I would never use 'iPhone" in a script, and try to avoid mention of any real-world proprietary info at all.

3) I know you stated previously you normally italicize VO text, but once that (V.O.) is set next to the character name the italics are just superfluous.

4) I know you are a good writer, but I would still avoid temporal qualifiers like "then" and "before".

5) I would also break up the actions in the narrative descriptions keeping in mind that each one equates to a single shot.

All that stated you do an excellent job of utilizing Brit slang without potentially alienating foreign audiences. Paramount+/Showtime just dropped "Mobland" recently and I noticed it has some UK-specific references, but no one cares because Pierce Brosnan, Tom Hardy, et al...

Quoted from SpecRoninDC John, Always enjoyable to read scripts spawned from The British Isles as a massive fan of the content that comes from your lot. As a US Person who writes Brit, et al. characters I admit I am a little ignorant of general US/UK/ROI rules of screenplay formatting, but here's what I noticed (not nitpicking, just for your own (potential (benefit) based on US/Hollywood protocols: 1) Capitalization (especially in dialogue) is a no-no now (apparently). Even for SFX/SPFX which is weird... 2) I would never use 'iPhone" in a script, and try to avoid mention of any real-world proprietary info at all. 3) I know you stated previously you normally italicize VO text, but once that (V.O.) is set next to the character name the italics are just superfluous. 4) I know you are a good writer, but I would still avoid temporal qualifiers like "then" and "before". 5) I would also break up the actions in the narrative descriptions keeping in mind that each one equates to a single shot. All that stated you do an excellent job of utilizing Brit slang without potentially alienating foreign audiences. Paramount+/Showtime just dropped "Mobland" recently and I noticed it has some UK-specific references, but no one cares because Pierce Brosnan, Tom Hardy, et al...

Hey thanks for the read Spec.  I have formatted that way in the past but somehow fell back into writing with extended action lines. I completely understand where you’re coming from and I’m pleased you enjoy British film- Lingo. I have adjusted the script to suit the taste of our audience from across the ocean.  Food for thought. Tah dah.

I wish crossing the T's and dotting the I's, so to speak, was my only problem. As I consider myself very much A perfectionist. However, my standards of perfection are very relaxed.

If you ever need advice concerning British slang or accents, I can help. My daughter is 16 she's also my best friend. So I'm down with the kids of the Gen Z era and some of their slang. I find British accents and youth couturiers fascinating. You don't seem to see it as much in the U.S, and the accents don't change as drastically as they do in the U.K.
I'm from the northeast, and I can tell that a person is from a town just 2 miles down the road. By their slight accent change and mainly by their choice of words.

Yes, Mobland, I think Helan Mirons is up to no good. Pears Brozlin fucking SIC

YOURS GEOFFREY

Quoted from geoffd305@gmail.com I wish crossing the T's and dotting the I's, so to speak, was my only problem. As I consider myself very much A perfectionist. However, my standards of perfection are very relaxed. If you ever need advice concerning British slang or accents, I can help. My daughter is 16 she's also my best friend. So I'm down with the kids of the Gen Z era and some of their slang. I find British accents and youth couturiers fascinating. You don't seem to see it as much in the U.S, and the accents don't change as drastically as they do in the U.K. I'm from the northeast, and I can tell that a person is from a town just 2 miles down the road. By their slight accent change and mainly by their choice of words. Yes, Mobland, I think Helan Mirons is up to no good. Pears Brozlin fucking SIC YOURS GEOFFREY

Ok Geoffrey. Thanks for that. I will bear you in mind when I need a linguist in Cockney rhyming slang or London street chat. Best.