Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 01 "Pilot Episode" by Zavier Alvarez (Dick_Nixon) - Series, Drama - These are the chronicles of a American Solider during the Iraq War. Whether your for it or against it, its still happening. These are his trials and tribulations.  - pdf, format

Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 02 "Interrogation" by Zavier Alvarez (Dick_Nixon) - Series, Drama - West begins a relationship with a Baghdad hooker, while dealing with the increasing pressure brought on from the failure of the Falluja mission. - pdf, format

Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 03 "Back To School" by Zavier Alvarez (Dick_Nixon) - Series, Drama - During a simple mission, West's new company is ambushed and must escaped a abandoned school alive - pdf, format


Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 04 "Quiet and Nasty" by Zavier Alvarez (Dick_Nixon) - Series, Drama - West is promoted and given command of a small group of Marines. Can he handle the pressure or will he lead his men to their deaths?   - pdf, format

Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 05 'Recoil' by Zavier Alvarez (Dick_Nixon) - Series, Drama - A appalling crime might push West to murder as Mack’s condition continues to deteriorate. - pdf, format

Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 06 'Judgement' by Zavier Alvarez (Dick-Nixon) - Series, Drama - For a Marine dealing death to those who deserve it comes naturally, but when West takes the life of a high-ranking Iraqi official, he must face the consequences. - pdf, format

Expect No Mercy: Season 1:Ep 07 "Born Killer" by Zavier Alvarez and Chris Kuehl - Series, Drama - For West, life is on a downward spiral and things only get worse when Major Shepard assigns him to a classified mission. 16 pages - pdf, format

Hi Zavier. Just wanted to point out some things that caught my attention.

In spec screenplays, writing "the camera does this or that" is a no-no. Unless you´re going to direct and produce this (or know that you will be able to get a producer who will hire you as a director), avoid all kinds of camera directions.

When you do a V.O., make sure to put the name of the character who is speaking.

Avoid writing things the camera can´t record, like "hot" or "Miller is in his early thirties. Relaxed, battle hardened, powerful, ignoring the hell around them".

Avoid repeating things, like "The sun has not yet come up over the desert" (this was already implied in the slugline "NIGHT").

Hey D.N.:

Read the first one of these, and it's pretty good.  A veteran of these conflicts might have quibbles with you, but as an average guy, it "feels" about right to me.  You have a fair amount of typos in here; some readers don't mind, but it detracts a bit for me.  You should give it a careful proof.

Comments and Spoilers:

*  Right off the bat, dialogue is not centered.  You gotta fix that.
*  Is the army really an option to avoid jail?  I have never heard of that.  If it's true, fine, but if it's not, you really should not use it.  You don't want to blow your credibility right out of the gate, you know?
*  Nice, compelling characters here.  I liked the way you brought Sanders along gradually, introducing him into the action at just the right time.  Nice job, that.
*  Speaking of characters, though, it seems like way too many people died here.  I mean, this is the pilot, and you are supposed to be introducing characters that people will care about over the long term.  You killed off damn near everybody, sparing only -- what was it -- three?  Anyways, this first episode has plenty of great action, but it's characters that ultimately drive a successful series, and we should probably meet more people that will be around longer.

I liked it well enough that I will check out the second one soon.  Good stuff.  I just hope a few of the characters live to see episode three!    

Thanks for the read, Bert.

Quoted from bert Right off the bat, dialogue is not centered.  You gotta fix that.

I just purchased Final Draft yesterday This shouldn’t be a problem much longer.

Quoted from bert   Is the army really an option to avoid jail?

Yeah, my cousin went through this, the judge asked him for a commitment to join the arm forces or he would be given jail time.

Quoted from bert Speaking of characters, though, it seems like way too many people died here.

Their deaths have purpose, and this is shown in the next episode. We will meet more people that will be around longer.

Thanks again!

-Zavier

Hello Dick.
Well i decided to read your screenplays and i was satisfied with what you have come up with here. I am guessing these are hour scripts and they are very well paced and such.

The characters you have written i think where very well written and each have their own 'thing' to the story. Also it seems that you enjoy killing people here. We were introduced to some characters and they then died. My idea would be wait on the deaths.

Also the format was eh? Fix the format and such in this script and you got it. (Which after looking over the copy thats up now seems as if you have some fixed) Only some more minor things and you have a pretty good script.

I will read your next one soon. I have some more to read before i read the next. Good job.

Andrew

I just submitted a revised version of the second episode; hopefully it will be up soon. The script currently up has several errors that I wanted to get rid of.

-Zavier

Quoted from Nixon several errors that I wanted to get ride of

Sorry.  Couldn't resist.  I am gonna hold off on reading #2 until the new one is up.

lol, the funny thing is, I did the exact same thing to Huggybear.

-Zavier

Revision of the second episode is up.

-Zavier

u did do that to me on my first day on the site... Lol

Hey D.N.  A few thoughts (and spoilers) on #2:



*  The dialogue is still centered.  I thought you were gonna fix that stuff.
*  The opening sequence is very effective, a smooth transition from the pilot into this second episode -- especially since it has been about a week since I read it.  My only concern is that you are spending time reintroducing us to characters that will -- obviously -- never return.
*  I am assuming Zahrah is going to be around longer than 15 minutes or so.  Now you have done away with Miller, too!  When are people going to begin sticking around?  And what about Sanders?  If he is going to come back, he should at least pop up for a second or two -- in his own storyline, if he is not interacting directly with West.  His painful recovery in the hospital or something.  At 18 pages, you have enough space to add this.
*  Some of the converation West has with Zahrah -- you might want to move a portion of this up to before they jump into the sack, you know?  It seems a little too quick as you've got it.  I mean, I WISH it worked that way -- but maybe they should chat a little first.
*  I was confused about West and the letter.  I thought he was snooping and found it to be an unappealing aspect to his character.  I had to examine that passage again before I realized he was recopying the blood-soaked letter.  It could be made a little more clear exactly what he is doing there.

So, these are pretty good all in all.  But in a drama, particularly in a war drama, it is critical to have some characters that we care about and fear for their safety.  It is time to introduce us to some rather than mowing them down!

Hello again Dick.

Episode two i liked a lot better then the first. The only problem is the length. I think you could of made this longer by extending some of the scenes and all. Other then that a great series so far and i will definitly read the next.

Quoted from bert The dialogue is still centered.  I thought you were gonna fix that stuff.!

I just received Final Draft yesterday, from now on all episodes will be in a proper format.

Quoted from bert My only concern is that you are spending time reintroducing us to characters that will -- obviously -- never return.!

The Characters introduced in the interrogation scene will return, mainly Major Shepard

Quoted from bert I am assuming Zahrah is going to be around longer than 15 minutes or so.

I don't want to give away too much, but Zahrah will play a pretty big role in this season.

Quoted from bert Now you have done away with Miller, too!  When are people going to begin sticking around?  And what about Sanders?  If he is going to come back, he should at least pop up for a second or two -- in his own storyline, if he is not interacting directly with West.  His painful recovery in the hospital or something.

Sanders will also return, I kind of wanted to stay away from the whole hospital thing after watching the last episode of "Over There"


Thanks again!

-Zavier

New episode is up, hope you all enjoy it.

-Zavier