Never Really Was… by Maurice L. Brown (NWO333) - Short, Drama - A hotshot cheerleader is betrayed when her boyfriend cheates on her with her best friend. - doc, format

Is this the beginning of a longer script? It seems to spend pages and pages building up to the big event and establishing the tension between the main characters while letting us know they are all going to be at 'the classic'... and then it just ends before they get there?

I have not made up my mind yet about turning it into a feature film or just keeping it a short.

Hey Maurice,


Potential spoilers *********



I read this and when it ended I was thinking "that's it?" - I don't really see why you spend so much time on Luke and Kevin, instead of Keri and Michelle! I think you could quite easily, take out Luke altogether and just focus on Kevin, Michelle and Keri. You've spent a lot of time on the basketball side of the story with the two guys, which totally takes away from the betrayal side of it and therefore weakens the emotion altogether, in my opinion.

Have something happen at "The Classic" between the girls, make it more emotional, hell drag Kevin into the feud, as most girls would anyway! Watch "Cheaters" or some show like it and get a feel for that type of confrontation, if you haven't been exposed to it much in real life (hopefully you haven't as it's not nice).

I think this can really be improved, if you decide what the main focal point is! Is it Keri and Michelle's showdown, the competition,(why go into the scene with Bobby, but to no avail?) or Kevin and Keri fighting it out? All 3 taking shots at each-other? I want to know what really happened dammit!! Must be more here than just sleeping with the friend, c'mon!! If there isn't more, then simply put more emotion into the storyline. It's written too non-chalontly otherwise.

I would like to see a scene which showed Michelle and Keri as close friends once, because without this, there really isn't a strong sense of a frienship, which therefore diminishes the betrayal feeling in this short.

I don't think it would work as a feature length at present to be honest, because there really isn't that much in the way of a storyline! If this is re-written before I travel, I will take another look at it.

Best of luck,
Andy

I don't think I will have time to finish this and turn it into a movie this year because I'm to busy with my better projects. But in the movie Kevin and Luke are brothers that don't like each other. So I will play their relationship as well and others building it up to Michelle and Keri at the classics. Thank you for reading my script.