Jin by Kyia Angelicia - Horror, Psychological - JIN...not the first time you're hearing of them, just the first time you're ready to listen.  - pdf, format

"I have some stupid f-ing kids."

Wow...this was something very different. I liked this, especially the opening. The opening 20 pages was REALLY intense and quite disturbing. But after that, it went downhill. I just got totally confused with the "creature/jin" things. You switched from MALE CREATURE(VO) to JIN(VO), I didn't really understand the whole background of them either. Also, you did a lot of "descriptions that can't be filmed" a little too much. Others find that annoying, I didn't mind though. Also, for any future works, don't write long paragraphs, space them out.

On a positive note, I really liked your characters and dialogue. The tension between Tara and Thalia was done perfectly. My favorite line has to be between Jason and Bebe(Thalia):

JASON - Why ask if you already knew?
THALIA - Why lie if you're hiding something?

Oooo...little biatch. LOL. I do hope you're an actual member because I really want/need to know if hearing the jin's voices was genetic in the family? Or did I miss something?

Overall, clever, but still somewhat confused. I SERIOUSLY LOVE THE OPENING 20 PAGES. VERY, VERY SUSPENSEFUL.

-ONEY

OK, Just before going into this Im expecting something like "Wishmaster" due to the title of this so lets see. If I remember rightly, a Jin is something like a genie but with fateful results, much like the character in Wishmaster.

SPOILERS!




The opening is great, really well written and it flows very well. The creatures are bizarre, certainly not what I was expecting, but interesting and different.

Ten years later now and the only small problem is the description of some of the characters, which are too detailed. Not a major problem though as long as these descriptions can be revealed "on screen" later on in the script.

Thaila cant speak, not really surprised due to what she just went through. Even though, you have established her well without even using dialouge! I like the characters, you have some good dialouge and it runs very smoothly.

I obviously got my Jin's mixed up with my Djins with my reference to the Wishmaster films, going by Jason's discovery. I like the mythology behind them, they seem quite interesting.

So far, the dialouge has been spot on.

Thaila comes clean about the murders of her dad and Mrs. Young. This was well done and leads the story onto something unexpected just when I felt it was about to become a little stale and predictable. Some great dialouge again, witty stuff!

We are now in Turkey and I have a feeling this may lead onto something like The Excorcist. We shall see.
The scene that followed, was slightly confusing.

Well, I didnt actually think Tara would get it, but it did seem like it was coming too. I was pretty surpised by this.
And it turns out, she is not dead! Now we move on one year later?

The ending, well, I felt was confusing and disapointing. Although you clearly hint at a sequal, there is a lot that is left unexplained. How did Tara survive having her neck cut? Why didnt she tell Jason? Why wait another year before then suddenly telling him something was about to happen? Her connection with the Jin lady, ok that makes sense in some respects, but it does not explain a lot. Maybe I misread something here, but I felt lost at this point.

The ending really did seem jumbled and rushed and was a bit of a let down.

But, up until that, I did enjoy the script. Your writing is really good and clear. The dialouge is excellent, witty and sharp. The script moves a good pace, and the characters are enjoyable.

All in all, a really good script and enjoyable, would be even better with an improved ending. Great job!