Supermarket Armageddon by AA Eguavon - Short - When George Bartlett opens a new superstore and decides to give an offer of 60 percent of everything in the store on opening day all hell breaks loose and the customers are willing to do just about anything to get their hands on the cheap goods. - fdr, format

I opened this in FD7 and some of your text was off. You had some action as a scene heading, some dialogue as action etc. You can reformat this quite easily in FD.

A few typos and spelling errors. It should be 'Come on' not 'Common'. The BOLD MAN should be a BALD MAN unless you're referring to his personality. It should be 'Phil waves' not 'waives'

(V.O) is not sufficient for a character heading. Since you introduce Alan immediately after his first speech, you might as well use his name here.

The dialogue is good and for the most part it sounds authentic, especially the TV presenter. Your description is pretty solid too.

Overall, a pretty good short. You write well but I wasn't all that engaged in the story.

yeh it's a first draft so it still needs abit of work corrections etc

I can't read it in fdr format.  In the future, you might want to consider using a more common format (like .doc or .pdf) to get more reviews.  Just my 2 cents.

I like the central idea, but I think maybe if you got the characters bewildering inside the turmoil, It should be like a blackhearted story...

I'll try and translate it to pdf for those who want to read it

does anyone know how to translate a fdr document to a pdf document?

In FD7 you can save as PDF, RTF, or HTML. The PDF file sizes are huge but if you save as RTF you can use a free online converter such as CutePDF- do a google search.

thanks for the tip spieler