Salem Investigations by Danny Strachan - Adventure, Fantasy - Ebbony City, luscious beaches, parks and rivers. Anybody who's anybody would want to live there...  Not! Angela Stevens is murdered, and Gabriela Gachupin, her friend has taken it in her stride to discover who killed her.   Some words of a sexual nature are used in this script. - rtf, format

Since this is called "Salem investigations" and features a "Witch" im going to assume this is about Salem,Ma would i be right? Being born in Salem and having lived there for 13 years of my life, i have a great deal of pride and love of my hometown, and when it comes to people writing about it i become very critcial, so sorry in advance if i sound rude but when it comes to Salem i like to make sure everything is right.



so far im not happy with:

calling the witches "Wanna be's", if a real wiccan, not just from salem but anywere read this they would want to hang you.

the dialouge seems cheesy and fake so far.

nothing has had to deal with Salem yet.

i'll go into more detail later and add more to the list. but don't take anything i say to hart because im sure i suck worse than anyone here, just take them as if im a casual reader.

the name Salem Investigations basically means "Witchy Going's on."

I'll post more about this later as I am doing a re-write  and I am going to send it to the site.

Danny

I started reading this script about a week ago and put it down half way through.  The scenes were long and drawn out and there was no character developement.  I stopped reading at the dance club scene because it seemed to go on forever and nothing was happening.

Did you do any research on the supernatural before you started writing this?  Or are you relying on your imagination and movies you saw in the past?


Phil