The Trunk by Helio J. Corderio - Short, Ghost Story - The riverbank can reveal ghostly surprises even to an experienced fisherman. - pdf, format

I think this is your longest English piece on the website, nice work here.  Your writing makes it sound like you've been speaking the language forever.  Kudos.

SPOILERS

*The story started off kind of slow, but around page 10 it picked up after George saw the ghostly woman.
*"You've killed me!  Why did you do that, you motherfucker?"  He hasn't really died yet, and even if you were just stabbed, I don't think you'd say something like that.
*The George character kind of reminded me of a drunk George Costanza.  He just seemed like a loser who never got the luck of the draw, so good character creation there.
*The ending I was a tad confused by.  Was Jake the ghost?  I mean he had the Arabian's knife at the end and the trunk was at the bottom of the river.
*The gold ring was a nice touch.  You bring it out in the beginning and it makes a pretty crucial appearance toward the end.  Nice touch.
*On page 6 there's alot of description but you split it up line by line, which is good, but on page 12 you got a big ole chunky paragraph.  You want 4-5 lines max, so break those big guys up.

Overall, this was a pretty well done story.  The dialogue could use some sharpening, but you're a pretty talented writer.  Keep it up!

Wow! Dear God, I�ve winning my day today with your comments, Greg. Thanks! One more time they have been constructive to me.

This script was my ugly duck, cause it was very long to my English acknowledges. So, your spoilers show up how I need to improve more and more my screenwriting. To write again a feature is a big challenge for me.

By the way, I haven�t any comments from anyone to my only feature drama written in English posted in this site named OPORTO�S BRIDE. I don�t know if I�ve succeeded with it. I hope to have any comment, anyway.

I think you should also consider a title change.  The story had lots of creative elements that you could use to develop a title that really reaches out.  "The Trunk" is just kind of eh.  Anyway, good luck.

Helio

I really enjoy your shorts. You are getting better. I have a better name for your script. Are you ready.... "George's Fucking Trunk." Now that oughtta catch some attention. I bet you get lots of looks and some reads. Keep writing and I'll keep reading.

Spencer

LAUGHS! LAUGHS! LAUGHS

Gush! This is a very witty comment, Spencer. You are right about it. The titles kills me! (my English too!)

Because of that weakness of mine maybe I'll receive a trunk in this xmas. No Santa, please!