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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board  /  June, 2020 One Week Challenge  /  Who Wrote What & Writer's Choice - June 2020
Posted by: LC, June 13th, 2020, 1:15am
Drum Roll...

The June OWC, Writer's Choice is:

3.88 - Terms & Conditions by Anthony Cawood (Anthony Cawood)  writing as Francis Bacon - A desperate dash to answer a call of nature leads to an unexpected diagnosis. 6 pages - Short, Horror

Congrats, Anthony!!

...

NOTABLE FACTS:

As Don said, an all male-only cast of challenge contenders this time around.

No women writers entered.  I'd like to change that. That's what Don said and I agree... C'mon girls!

No writer voted for himself.

All of you very much liked the following:

2nd place - Dave.

3.82 - Echo of Guilt by David C Lambertson (eldave1)  writing as Alexa - Modern technology serves as Judge and juror. 6 pages - Short, Horror

3rd place - Ajr:

3.69 - The Bad Planes by Anthony J. Russo (ajr)  writing as Don Day Elbano - A young girl chronicles her existence in the age of technology in 2028 America. 6 pages -

3.35 - CC by Anthony Cawood (Anthony Cawood)  writing as Don - honest! - An Augmented Reality ghost hunt hits close to home. 6 pages - Short, Horror

3.13 - Catastrophic Disassembly by Joe Garza (SPQR)  writing as Jake Gittes - A nanorobot virus threatens the existence of the human race. 6 pages - Short, Horror

3.06 - Passwords by Paul Knauer (PKCardinal)  writing as Anonymous - A boy is harassed by an online opponent. 6 pages - Short, Horror

3.06 - Metallic Pill by Rob Herzog (Rob)  writing as  - An innovative biotechnology transforms a married couple. 6 pages - Short, Horror, Sci Fi

3.00 - Lurking Trauma by Bill Sarre (Reef Dreamer)  writing as The Awoken Tiger - Eager to improve his Wife's mental health, a desperate Husband buys a device to help her manage old childhood trauma, by altering her mind. What could possibly go wrong? 6 pages - Short, Horror


The rest of the bunch in no particular order:


The Loop by Rene Claveau (ReneC)  writing as Mobius - A boy gets a visit from his future self and his life changes forever. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi, Horror

Dream Job by Vin Conzo (Conz)  writing as Farch Carbone - With a promotion to the top of his plant-based meat company in his sights, an ambitious tech worker preps for the presentation of his life. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi, Drama

Divided We Fell by Zack Akers (Zack)  writing as The Tiger King - When mysterious lights appear in the sky, a man must protect his pregnant wife from an ominous threat. 6 pages - Short, Horror, Sci Fi

Due Process by Niall Byrne (The Moviegoer)  writing as  - An old-school criminal falls foul of the law in a world where the judiciary has been privatized and justice streamlined. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi

Collapsing Memories by Cameron Gray (Cam Gray)  writing as Arthur V. Darke - An old man suffering from dementia tries to save a woman from the memories of his past. - Short, Horror, Sci Fi

The Big Bad by John E. Staats (JEStaats)  writing as O'Brother Grimm - Making it out of the woods will be saving Grace. 2 pages. - Short, Horror, Sci Fi

Voice Assisted Homicide by Owen Herity (Geezis)  writing as Glenda-the-glass-hole - Franny loves his geek life and his reliance on it leads to murder. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi

The Californians by Max Ruddock (Max Ruddock)  writing as Highly Derivative - A dystopian reimagining of Hansel & Gretel set in a post apocalyptic world ravaged by a deadly virus, militiamen, and cannibals. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi, Dystopian

Woke by Mark Renshaw (markrenshaw)  writing as Isaac A. Clarke - A man wakes up from an artificially induced dream state to find himself in a factory where humans are experimented on and slaughtered like cattle. He must escape while avoiding some very familiar faces. 6 pages - Short, Sci Fi, Horror

Homa by Mark Dykshoorn (TheCasualScreenwriter)  writing as Claude Cooper - A man's home network of smart-speakers becomes demonically possessed. 6 pages - Short, Horror, Scifi

Retribution by Gary Howell (Gary Howell)  writing as The Masked Avenger - A young black couple are cyber-targeted because of their protest rallies, but can they count on the police for help? 6 pages - Short, Horror

Route 13 by Frank MacCrory (FrankM)  writing as Autonomous Anonymous - A gangster messes with the passengers on an automated trolley. 3 pages - Short, Horror, Sci Fi


On The Grassy Knoll by Steven Dilworth (steven8)  writing as Puddin' Tane - Bill and Barb discuss their future on the grassy knoll. 3 pages - Short, Sci Fi


...


P.S. I'll let Don sort mugs etc.
Thanks all. I had a lot of fun!
Posted by: Cameron (Guest), June 13th, 2020, 2:00am; Reply: 1
Haha, at least I guessed who wrote the winning script...well done Anthony!! Thoroughly deserved mate, and with another one in the runners up spot?? Ripping the p***!! I joke, obviously, really impressive work. Well done to all the runners up too, some really good work spread across this whole challenge, been a blast.

And one last thanks to Don and Libby, you guys rock x
Posted by: LC, June 13th, 2020, 2:09am; Reply: 2
Thanks, Cam. Good to have you back. I think you missed your birthday thread with all the OWC hullabaloo.  ;)

I know, two from Anthony? Seems he's going for a set of mugs.

Big shout out to Dave, too. Loved Echo.
Posted by: Cameron (Guest), June 13th, 2020, 2:33am; Reply: 3
OMG...I never realised I had a birthday thread until you mentioned it, genuine thanks to the folkles who set that up. So sorry I missed it!! What a giant douche I am xx
Posted by: Reef Dreamer, June 13th, 2020, 2:46am; Reply: 4
Thanks Libby and Don

Well done Anthony, my favourite script of this OWC

Been great to take part, although this was trickier than I expected
Posted by: Gum, June 13th, 2020, 6:01am; Reply: 5
Oh, man… Scotty’s on fire!

Anthony, dude… teach me, man. Not one but two kick ass scripts for this challenge. Truly a well-deserved mug O’ the SS Academy of Arts for you. So envious right now… I weep tears of inadequacy as I write this, lol.

Looks like I guessed one right on the who wrote what thread, but the others completely threw me. Lots of great scripts this time around.

As well, thank you, Don and Libby for a big, shiny, futuristic challenge. And a big hearty thanks to those who didn’t enter this round but stopped in to give some great feedback on the scipts: Chris, Jeff, et al.

See everyone next round.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 13th, 2020, 6:11am; Reply: 6
Congratulation Anthony!

Bad Planes was my favourite but I enjoyed Terms & Conditions, a worthy winner!
Posted by: Geezis, June 13th, 2020, 6:49am; Reply: 7
Well done Anthony, enjoyed your script and it's vision of euthanasia :-)
Posted by: Conz, June 13th, 2020, 7:32am; Reply: 8
congrats Anthony, that was a really cool concept with a splash of humor (no pun) which is always appreciated.
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, June 13th, 2020, 9:50am; Reply: 9
Thanks all, appreciated the feedback, kind words and votes on both my scripts, surprised and delighted to have been award Writer's Choice, many thanks.

I'll comment on the script threads to the feedback I had and answer a few questions etc, but again thanks for the mostly kind words and constructive suggestions.

Congrats to everyone who entered too, some fantastic scripts on display again from the great writers on SS.

Big thanks to Libby and Don, the pandemic had really impacted my writing both ideas and motivation, so this was just what I needed to get back on it.

Looking forward to the next OWC already ;-)
Posted by: khamanna, June 13th, 2020, 10:33am; Reply: 10
Nice script, congrats on being the writers choice, Anthony! Great job to all, it wasn’t an easy one.
Posted by: eldave1, June 13th, 2020, 10:58am; Reply: 11
Congrats, Anthony - well done, mate.

Libby and Don - much thanks for putting this together.  Yeoman's work!

Posted by: Zack, June 13th, 2020, 11:34am; Reply: 12
Congrats, Anthony. :)

And thanks again for an awesome challenge, Don and Libby. You guys are awesome.
Posted by: ajr, June 13th, 2020, 11:36am; Reply: 13
Congrats, Anthony! Very strong entry.

And congrats to you too, Dave. It was an honor being mistaken for you in the guessing thread.

AJR
Posted by: eldave1, June 13th, 2020, 11:45am; Reply: 14

Quoted from ajr
Congrats, Anthony! Very strong entry.

And congrats to you too, Dave. It was an honor being mistaken for you in the guessing thread.

AJR


Thanks, mate - back at ya
Posted by: ReneC, June 13th, 2020, 12:56pm; Reply: 15
Well done Anthony! A well deserved win, T&C is a great script.

Congrats go the runners up too. Some really excellent stories came out of this one, and the budget-conscious writing might give some a chance at actually getting made.
Posted by: Spqr, June 13th, 2020, 2:18pm; Reply: 16
Congratulations, Anthony. A fantastic script.
Libby and Don are always great!
Posted by: JEStaats, June 13th, 2020, 3:07pm; Reply: 17
Congrats Anthony. It was my favorite! I really enjoyed Paul's and Dave's too. Cheers!
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), June 13th, 2020, 5:22pm; Reply: 18
Great job, everyone!  Some good scripts here in a tough challenge.

Sorry to those I didn't get to.  If anyone would like a public thread read/comments, PM me and I'll be happy to.

Hoping to get in the next one of these. I really hate missing them, but I'm a slug lately, so it's on me.
Posted by: eldave1, June 13th, 2020, 5:24pm; Reply: 19

Quoted from Dreamscale
Great job, everyone!  Some good scripts here in a tough challenge.

Sorry to those I didn't get to.  If anyone would life a read a public comments, PM me and I'll be happy to.

Hoping to get in the next one of these. I really hate missing them, but I'm a slug lately, so it's on me.


Full slug or mini slug???
Posted by: ajr, June 13th, 2020, 5:40pm; Reply: 20

Quoted from Dreamscale
Great job, everyone!  Some good scripts here in a tough challenge.

Sorry to those I didn't get to.  If anyone would life a read a public comments, PM me and I'll be happy to.

Hoping to get in the next one of these. I really hate missing them, but I'm a slug lately, so it's on me.


I got 4 stars from Jeff! I will carry that forever... like an STD.

AJR
Posted by: FrankM, June 13th, 2020, 6:50pm; Reply: 21
Great competition Libby, just sorry it happened during a period I had no spare time. Congrats, Anthony, I have resolved to read every terms & conditions that I come across :)
Posted by: AnthonyCawood, June 13th, 2020, 7:03pm; Reply: 22
Thanks Frank (and all)... I keep meaning to read the T&Cs too ;-)
Posted by: LC, June 13th, 2020, 7:07pm; Reply: 23
Frank, did I read that you said you up and moved your family out of NYC? Or am I confusing you with someone else? I looked it up, and yes you did!

A valiant effort of yours, mate.
Thanks for entering.

And to everyone else, a big thanks. I had no idea the SciFi/horror blend would be quite so challenging.

Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), June 13th, 2020, 7:10pm; Reply: 24

Quoted from ajr


I got 4 stars from Jeff! I will carry that forever... like an STD.

AJR


Hey now...that's not very nice.

Good script, bro.  You're a good writer.

Posted by: ajr, June 13th, 2020, 7:24pm; Reply: 25

Quoted from Dreamscale


Hey now...that's not very nice.

Good script, bro.  You're a good writer.



Thanks, I appreciate the read and the kind words.

AJR
Posted by: FrankM, June 13th, 2020, 9:05pm; Reply: 26

Quoted from LC
Frank, did I read that you said you up and moved your family out of NYC? Or am I confusing you with someone else? I looked it up, and yes you did!

A valiant effort of yours, mate.
Thanks for entering.

And to everyone else, a big thanks. I had no idea the SciFi/horror blend would be quite so challenging.



It was part of a job change, though it got iffy whether the offer would get rescinded due to the pandemic. They stood by their job offer, though, and I moved up our move a few weeks.

The looters hit my part of town June 1 and 2... and I’ve literally had better sleep in a warzone.

4:22 AM Eastern on June 3, we left NYC probably never to return.

But even with all that going on, this was too perfect a challenge to not have a go.
Posted by: LC, June 13th, 2020, 9:11pm; Reply: 27
Wow, scary. Glad you're safe and sound, Frank, and you still have a job, and that through all that you got your priorities right with entering the challenge.  ;D
Posted by: steven8, June 13th, 2020, 10:02pm; Reply: 28
I am SHOCKED I didn't win a mug.  My reviews were so overwhelmingly positive!  My favorite being, "WTF was that?" --  Classic.

Anyway, congratulations Anthony.  That was a great script.
Posted by: MarkRenshaw, June 14th, 2020, 5:54pm; Reply: 29
So which one was written by the A.I.?
Posted by: LC, June 14th, 2020, 6:05pm; Reply: 30
Yes, I wondered this too.

Maybe a little whimsy from Don?
Or else the A.I. pulled its script from embarrassment.
Posted by: LC, June 14th, 2020, 8:22pm; Reply: 31
Okedoke folks, last word on the Future Shock OWC.

To recap, the participant's usernames are listed below:

steven8,
MarkD,
ReneC,
Gum,
The Moviegoer,
PKCardinal,
FrankM,
Cam Gray,
Geezis,
Anthony Cawood,
Zack,
Anthony Cawood,
Conz,
Max Ruddock,
SPQR,
Reef Dreamer,
JEStaats,
Gary Howell,
markrenshaw,
Rob,
ajr,
eldave1

A big thanks from me to all of you who entered.

A reminder also that you can resubmit your script with your real name attached if you so wish.

Lastly, and hold onto your hats, cause...

Another big announcement is just around the corner!

Posted by: Don, June 14th, 2020, 8:38pm; Reply: 32

Quoted from MarkRenshaw
So which one was written by the A.I.?



Dreamscape Mindfcuk by Rick Fyvie and Transformer A.I. (Gum)

- Don
Posted by: Gum, June 14th, 2020, 9:12pm; Reply: 33

Quoted from LC
Yes, I wondered this too.

Maybe a little whimsy from Don?
Or else the A.I. pulled its script from embarrassment.


Sorry, yes. As Don stated, that was my and my A.I.’s script, err… or an A.I. and its boy’s script. Well… not my AI, the link is here:

https://talktotransformer.com/

Either way, I thought it was somewhat obvious with the  ~Rick Fyvie and Transformer A.I.~  declaration on the ‘who wrote what’ thread.

I didn’t chime into the script thread (Dreamscape Mindfcuk) to elaborate on the writing process cause there’s no sense in kicking a dead pack mule.

And, no, Libby… neither myself nor Transformer AI are embarrassed about the script, lol.
Posted by: Dreamscale (Guest), June 14th, 2020, 9:12pm; Reply: 34

Quoted from LC

Another big announcement is just around the corner!



Do tell!!!

Posted by: khamanna, June 14th, 2020, 9:21pm; Reply: 35
A what another big? Announcement? You guys are killing it!
Posted by: LC, June 14th, 2020, 9:32pm; Reply: 36
Rick, that's so funny. And no, you have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

And it's pretty interesting...
I tried it out myself. Thanks for the link.

I started with this:

Crikey, I saw a wallaby in the front yard (true story btw, but I don't often say, crikey)
It continued...
a few years ago - what on earth is that thing up to? So when a planter this big began to fall over at Melway Beach, Perth (approx half a kilometre from where I live), I decided to take a look.

Firstly I'll explain what you'll find if you have a decent level of tree care.

You can have plant on top of a surface. In fact it's a no brainer, but I also have plants at the bottom of a container of rubble, where soil can get fairly mucky when you try to cut it.

There's nothing wrong with having top plants in containers, that's part of what makes them nice so...


What...?

non sequiturs galore...

But a lot of fun.

I did another with baking bikkies and it really got confused.
Posted by: LC, June 14th, 2020, 9:37pm; Reply: 37

Quoted from Dreamscale

Do tell!!!

If I told you, Jeff... Well, you know what I'd have to do.  ;D

And yes, Kham, very exciting.

I'll say no more...

Posted by: Mr. Blonde, June 14th, 2020, 9:48pm; Reply: 38

Quoted from Dreamscale
Do tell!!!



Quoted from khamanna
A what another big? Announcement? You guys are killing it!



Quoted from LC
If I told you, Jeff... Well, you know what I'd have to do.  ;D

And yes, Kham, very exciting.

I'll say no more...


I can't wait to find out what this big announcement is...
Posted by: ajr, June 14th, 2020, 9:50pm; Reply: 39
I tried "Donald Trump is a narcissistic racist."

It countered with -

"He is not remotely close to being worthy of the office of"

I supposed that it was my turn so I added "President of the United States."

And it said -

"But he has one thing going for him.

No one can challenge him.

Not the media.

Not professional politicians.

Not public opinion.

The ground is littered with the bodies of people he killed,

dismayed and shocked at what he did,

all the while insisting they never existed.

He reminds us, we are all complicit in his crimes.

Without the paper trail and others who see us.

Nobody can really stop him.

Nothing.

Everything he does is compliant.

He is immune.

Now, compare him to,

North Korea."

This A.I. is such a drama queen...

(0:

AJR
Posted by: Gum, June 14th, 2020, 9:55pm; Reply: 40
@Libby

Yes, it will move in strange directions if you allow it to roam. You have to keep it on a certain theme by reseeding it with similar ideas, eventually it catches on.

Originally ScarTissueFilm (Rick) posted the link to the AI, a few months back: not sure where that thread is buried; I just bookmarked the site and remembered it when you posted the challenge theme; and I thought; hmm... maybe a sci-fi script where parts of it are actually written by AI. The by-product is definitely not what I had originally envisioned but... There it is.
Posted by: LC, June 14th, 2020, 10:07pm; Reply: 41

Quoted from ajr
This A.I. is such a drama queen...AJR

;D You cracked me up, Ajr.
...

Rick, Aha! Okay, it needs a bit of intermittent spoon-feeding or it loses the plot.
...


Quoted from Mr. Blonde
I can't wait to find out what this big announcement is...

All in good time, grasshopper.  :D

But it will be soon...
Okay, now I'll definitely say no more.
Posted by: Warren, June 14th, 2020, 10:49pm; Reply: 42

Quoted from LC


All in good time, grasshopper.  :D

But it will be soon...
Okay, now I'll definitely say no more.


Has to be a WT? Maybe that's what I need to get me writing again. Have to defend the crown  :P

Posted by: Don, June 15th, 2020, 12:14am; Reply: 43

Quoted from Mr. Blonde


I can't wait to find out what this big announcement is...


Me, too.  I love announcements and drama and stuff.  

- Don
Posted by: Gum, June 15th, 2020, 12:35pm; Reply: 44

Quoted from Don

Me, too.  I love announcements and drama and stuff.  
- Don


Hmm… Drama, eh? As in what script genre is next in line on the cutting board?

Curiously, ‘drama’ also rhymes with ‘Llama’. Coincidence…?

Posted by: AnthonyCawood, June 15th, 2020, 1:05pm; Reply: 45
C'mon Libby - when exactly is soon?
Posted by: FrankM, June 15th, 2020, 2:07pm; Reply: 46

Quoted from AnthonyCawood
C'mon Libby - when exactly is soon?


After "right away" and before "eventually."
Posted by: Reef Dreamer, June 15th, 2020, 2:43pm; Reply: 47

Quoted from Don


Me, too.  I love announcements and drama and stuff.  

- Don


Gosh, it’s all happening around here... well, when we’re told more it will  :D
Posted by: LC, June 15th, 2020, 5:39pm; Reply: 48

Quoted from AnthonyCawood
C'mon Libby - when exactly is soon?

Hang on, Ant, let me get my thesaurus out: *

Well, it's not quite in the twinkling of an eye.
How's: on the horizon, imminent, approaching, impending...?

Building suspense is fun.  ;D

* I really have to stick with it when I vow I'll say no more, don't I?
Posted by: The Moviegoer, June 15th, 2020, 6:06pm; Reply: 49
Well done to the winning script, it was a good one, but didn't really fit the brief I felt. Anyway, the people have spoken.
Posted by: Gum, June 16th, 2020, 7:33pm; Reply: 50

Quoted from Don
something, something... DRAMA and stuff.



Quoted from LC
something, something… SUSPENSE is fun.  ;D


Jesus H. Murdoch... you're playing head games with the most sycophantic lot of society’s dregs… writers.

No more ‘slapstick enigma's’… on with the show...

... or another enigma/clue to keep us entertained, lol.

Posted by: Mr. Blonde, June 16th, 2020, 8:57pm; Reply: 51

Quoted from Gum
No more ‘slapstick enigma's’… on with the show...

... or another enigma/clue to keep us entertained, lol.


I heard through the grapevine that a hint may be forthcoming. I don't know how much stock I'd put into it, but rumors are abound...
Posted by: Gum, June 16th, 2020, 9:17pm; Reply: 52

Quoted from Mr. Blonde


I heard through the grapevine that a hint may be forthcoming. I don't know how much stock I'd put into it, but rumors are abound...


Shhhhh... I was just teasin' Libby, lol. Thought; because she stepped up and was so efficient (not that you're not all efficient... ok, now I'm kissin' ass*) albeit, was so efficient on the last OWC, that Don put her in charge of the next one.

But now that I know 'you' know, there must be a secret channel of communication between The Don and the Mods that the rest of us are not aware of... HERESY!

p.s. all good, just me being a tool, keeping this ol' thread alive for no apparent reason but to pass time...

*He meant: wink, wink, nudge, nudge - Michael Palin
Posted by: LC, June 16th, 2020, 10:18pm; Reply: 53
^  ;D
You just never know who's behind what...

Ooh, New thread.
Over n out on this one!
Posted by: FrankM, June 16th, 2020, 10:18pm; Reply: 54

Quoted from Gum
But now that I know 'you' know, there must be a secret channel of communication between The Don and the Mods that the rest of us are not aware of... HERESY!


If there was a subboard where everyone's a moderator, you'd probably never see any disagreement... just a lot of posts vanishing without a trace ;)
Posted by: ReneC, June 17th, 2020, 9:57pm; Reply: 55

Quoted from FrankM


If there was a subboard where everyone's a moderator, you'd probably never see any disagreement... just a lot of posts vanishing without a trace ;)


I wasn't invited...
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