KEY (V.O.)
Well, I'm shitfaced.

Lol. I like this guy already.


Okay, that was pretty good. A little too obvious what was gonna happen when he said to meet him out back. But then you added a decent twist. Overall not bad at all.

His molars pulvarize hard peppermints or raw walnuts or the
knucklebones of his long-lost kin.

Some nice lines. But, you know...

Why come after him? Lucas knows nothing... Unless I missed something? If Key had slipped up while shitfaced I'd get it. He's got away with the crime all these years so a confession of sorts out of nowhere doesn't gel for me.

Great tone. I enjoyed it, but it's not adding up narrative wise for me.
Could definitely utilise lots of creepier audio for this.

Hi writer,

Had all the elements of a taught, psychological thriller in just a few pages. Always that damn investigative journalist that just can’t seem to keep their pen in their pants and wants dig up the sordid memories of everyone’s past. Well, he got his final scoop… the dumbass.

Could make for something intriguing if you build a backstory on the murders and flesh it out, but psychological thrillers are a dime a dozen, and if a character isn’t as 3D as Hannibal Lecter nowadays, it goes right into the bargain bin. Good job, Best of luck.

This story is jumped and juked for me (even wise) too many times loosing me from time to time.
As a result I wan never invested, it's would just loose my attention. It confused me on the first read btw. Then I got who the killer was. I wonder what he did it for though

But it's atmospheric and there's a great flow to dialog. In fact, the dialog is near perfect.
At the same time it's too many visuals.

Disliking reporters is really not enough motivation to kill them, so I think Key needs more reason to kill him. Unless Key is a serial killer, then no more reason than an annoying call is necessary. As for the Associate, he’s just a complication you probably don’t need in an audio drama.

On the record, read it, but I'm not weighing in on the pages - I think our esteemed colleagues did a great job of that. Seconded.

Best of luck,

Ghost

Well written, good tension, great dialogue, and great...visuals. Yeah.

I think this could be even more suspenseful without the visuals. It's all in the dialogue, the visuals add a lot of flavour but it's just that, flavour. So I think it still fits with the spirit of the challenge. The non-dialogue action can all be done with sound, and that's where the ending would really shine with no visuals I think.

It's really solid, well done.