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-- Write down your vision of the story in two to three paragraphs. (1 week)
Read the character profiles, the script and the review list to get that all soaking in your brain as you write your outline. I’ll post an example soon.
Remember: No cutting characters but they can be diminished. All else is open for change (or not) as you prefer.
After that the vision is to:
-- Select the one we like best and expand on with each writer having at least one turn. (2 weeks)
-- One of us will start the rewrite with assistance from the others as needed (progress check every week until done)
-- Review of draft for errors to be done by each writer as needed. (1 week)
-- Proudly post it on SS.
The reason we are taking this approach is too maximize everyone’s creativity to see if there’s another “paintball of course!” ideas out there without being tied to a list of corrections.
Gary
BTW, you know you want to do the OWC. So, do it! And if you’re not (gasp!), you can start on your outline now.
Vision received. I don’t want to say too much about it before the others have a chance to get their vision entered. This was 27 pages when I put it onto MS Word to review while at a one day seminar. Whew girl, you can type! Lot of ideas.
I view this version as:
-- 90% rewrite as a character study starting in high school
-- Slightly less to do with the ring then the original
-- I actually like Logan in this one as a benevolent godfather (not admitting I want an additional character )
You are correct when you say (paraphrased) this story could go lots of ways.
Gary
BTW, can we get out visions completed by next Friday Feb 26? I don’t want us to lose momentum on this!
Here’s the result of our visions in abbreviated form. I have also listed our goal during this Thief rewrite and the relevant criticisms worthy of addressing. Tell me what you think about these options. We’ll pick a way to go on Friday March 5.
REMEMBER : The purposes for the visions were to see if any new ideas had pizzazz for the rewrite.
Gary
Goal To learn about the rewriting process from deciding on a vision, implementing suggestions, writing in a collaborative effort, and finally posting a second draft. Oh, and have some fun along the way.
Rewrite Ideas Minimal Add flash forward re: paintball, new ending (Tom) Moderate Intro in high school, Gabriel is dying (Gary) Major Logan as godfather, lucky stone, etc (Sandra) ** Extensive The complete story in high school (Gabe)
Relevant Criticisms (Short List): Thief factor > higher Character intros > shorter Story lines > keep Johnny & Cherry emphasis, OK to keep Gabriel’s Game as dual arc, and trim RV, Muslim, Logan arc Characters > clearer defined and Protag vs Antag
** Sandra has written a detailed proposal which does a much better job of explaining her ideas.
Sandra, Gabe, and Tommy (I assume Pete has dropped out)
THIEF - THE PATH FORWARD
Recommendation – Go with a minimalist rewrite to address our key concerns.
Reasoning – What we need is experience rewriting without doing a complete rewrite. The current story is good except for a few points. It is just too much effort to implement the high school scenarios or Logan as godfather scenario.
CHANGES:
Opening – Add flash forward paintball game Start introductions with Johnny’s late arrival
Middle— Trim RV, Logan, and Muslim stuff More stuff with the ring - Up the Thief factor Characters in opposition - Johnny and Gabriel?
Ending— New ending since no RV or at least a reasonable reason for the RV to be there
Suggestion— Change character reactions not events (except where noted above) Okay to make the action/description lines read more smoothly, as if written by one person.
What’s next— That’s the general plan for the rewrite. We can start out with one writer going as far as they can. I’ll check with you once every week or sooner to check progress.
Sandra, I tested it out, and it seems to work out. When printing you can print out only those pages associated with the first revision, etc.
I say we try it. It's probably too late for Gabe. But the revision codes are:
T = Tommy (black) (first revision) ALREADY DONE! G = Gabriel (blue) (second revision) Up to Gabe, he's already started his rewrite. S = Sandra (choice) (third revision) COMING UP R = Gary (choice) (fourth revision) COMING UP
Glad to hear you all got the master draft complete with strikeouts. It’s a mess isn’t it? I left the strikeouts in for completeness. Sandra, it was a good idea to delete them so you could get a clean look at things.
EXPLANATION OF CHANGES
Gabe’s lack of explanation of his changes is my fault. I thought they had been communicated when I sent you all a copy of his original email. I should have put it in the thread here. Duh.
EARLY EFFORTS
I thank Tom and Gabe for getting things rolling. When we’re told to trim, we trim very well. I see hesitation in committing to new actions and introductions. This is normal.
THE PLAN
Sandra can fix the problems she sees as part of her revision.
Hey there, I just stopped by to apologize for flaking on this project. I was sincerely interested in working on it, but life got in the way. I haven't even had time for my own stuff lately. So if I screwed things up too badly (I don't think I did, did I?), I'm very sorry.
Hey there, I just stopped by to apologize for flaking on this project. I was sincerely interested in working on it, but life got in the way. I haven't even had time for my own stuff lately. So if I screwed things up too badly (I don't think I did, did I?), I'm very sorry.
~Pete
No worries, Pete. We all understand how life does this constantly, battering us this way and that.
No worries! No need to apologize. We appreciate your comments and insights when we were deciding what to do with the revision. You're welcome to jump back in, anytime, if you'd like.
In regard to jumping back in: I have no idea what kind of progress has been made in the last couple of months, so I would need to catch up to offer anything. I may not commit to actually rewriting, but I may have comments and suggestions to give, I'll let you know. Thanks!
May I read the latest draft of the script? I guess I assumed that it had been posted here on SS, but I can't find it. I see that Sandra is currently working on her draft, but I'd like to see what changes have been made so far.
If I committed to a rewrite, what would I need to do beforehand? We were asked for our "visions" earlier - I assume you would still need to see mine. If so, I think it would be best if it was based on the "pruned version", as you put it.
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Thief - Screenwriting Exercise/Game #12 Rewrite
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