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May I read the latest draft of the script? I guess I assumed that it had been posted here on SS, but I can't find it. I see that Sandra is currently working on her draft, but I'd like to see what changes have been made so far.
If I committed to a rewrite, what would I need to do beforehand? We were asked for our "visions" earlier - I assume you would still need to see mine. If so, I think it would be best if it was based on the "pruned version", as you put it.
~Pete
I've got them for you. I just sent you a P.M. What email do you want them sent to?
I'm going to put this call out right now because I know that we can get this off the ground with help from friends.
First off, this is a call for technical help from individuals living in the Vancouver area.
My proposal is in stages that I and other core staff will work with others to initiate a strong core for a Thief Universe.
Firstly we need to establish that core "Thief Universe" and for that, we need images and footage. For this, we need help.
I have some shots from when I was in Richmond, but I'd like to work with others in our group over the next year in developing this further and I really appreciate those who can supply the kind of images we need.
Currently, Pete is reviewing both the pared down version and my intense surrealistic version of Thief with all of the core eight characters that were born due to Michael's hard work in the conception he initially envisioned as "Thief".
To let you, "the audience" know, I've taken it far and away from its original conception and I've really tried hard NOT to do that, but that's what's happened.
As writers know, the amount of material generated for a single work can be enormous.
I have this from (I wish I could remember the blog, but I keep it in front of me for inspiration):
On X Files, a writer would sometimes work ten hours a day for 6 months to come up with one idea that would become an episode.
One problem. It must be simple. It must be clear to the reader and that reader needs to know in the first 10 pages. there can't be several problems. Only one main problem.
What I've battled with in my particular re-write is to try and USE one particular character, Gabriel, to exemplify the entire group's problems. Why? Because I think they're all cut from the same root. I might even be incorporating some reality, as far as our Simplyscripts' group goes. I think I am.
Nevertheless, because I love Simply and love to work with the people here, I feel a strong desire to develop this beyond its original conception.
Therefore:
If you've been hanging out here. If you want to contribute...
Don't hesitate in chiming in.
Don't be afraid.
We're here and we welcome you to the project.
It would be a great honor to work with others on a strong treatment for this over the next year or two and develop the "Universe".
If there are individuals out there who would like to begin working on Youtube videos and artwork, then, Wow!!! I love artists. Photography, sketches... whatever you have to offer, I love it and I'm prepared to go to our local university to employ the help of our students.
I welcome questions because questions are the answer.
Let's make Simplyscripts something special. It is already, but let us make it known!!!
Okay, having read Sandra's draft, I'm now up to date and interested in working on the project again.
Is Sandra done with her turn? If so, who's next? On the previous page in this thread it appears that Gary is next, but is "out until Sept 1". I am willing and able to take a turn right now, if allowed to do so (if Sandra is done with her current turn, that is). May I just go ahead and run with this now or wait for Sandra or wait my turn or...?
If necessary, I can give you a broad overview of what I would like to change/tweak, but I'd love to just go full steam and knock it out and surprise you all with my draft - not that my draft will be all that surprising. I don't intend to drastically change anything, at least not as much as Sandra has done. (No offense intended at all, but whoa!)
Okay, having read Sandra's draft, I'm now up to date and interested in working on the project again.
Is Sandra done with her turn? If so, who's next? On the previous page in this thread it appears that Gary is next, but is "out until Sept 1". I am willing and able to take a turn right now, if allowed to do so (if Sandra is done with her current turn, that is). May I just go ahead and run with this now or wait for Sandra or wait my turn or...?
If necessary, I can give you a broad overview of what I would like to change/tweak, but I'd love to just go full steam and knock it out and surprise you all with my draft - not that my draft will be all that surprising. I don't intend to drastically change anything, at least not as much as Sandra has done. (No offense intended at all, but whoa!)
Let me know when I can do my thing to this thing!
~Pete
RE: THE MYSTERIOUS RICH GUY... Shucks, that we couldn't have met.
To hear the "whoah" brings a smile to my face because I know and I'm not ashamed. As a matter of fact, I will say, that I have told my husband that IF, I had had our THIEF cooked, I would have approached him without the slightest bit of shyness.
This guy was wearing a neat casual sweater and driving a fucking lamborghini. He NEEDS to spend money...
And besides, we know this project can take the hell off and investors will love it like we do so we're not selling our souls.
Now serious:
First:
I think you should read Gary's pared down version because he's stayed within parameters.
Second:
I think you should speak with Tommy because he's enjoyed my re-write and so you should correspond with him-- shoot back and forth and get some dialogue going.
Third:
You should go for it and have fun!!!
Fourth:
This should have been first, BUT...
If you can write this OPEN- ENDED...
I mean where we can continue, this would be marvelous.
Even though we're all struggling for time, I think there's a sincere group of individuals here with the same kinds of motivations that can make this an inspiring series.
So glad to see you back, Pete!!!!
I'd love for you to just go full steam too. Let's just work and have fun at the same time.
I think it's cool because the last time I spoke with you was when I was on The Norweigan Jade, doing crazy roller coaster laps in the water. THAT, was not fun. Ew. No more cruise ships.
So anyways, I'd love to see some fresh voice in this.
To hear the "whoah" brings a smile to my face because I know and I'm not ashamed.
I knew you wouldn't be. It's clear you love creating elaborate histories for these characters.
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I think you should read Gary's pared down version because he's stayed within parameters.
If that's the 92 page draft you sent me, then I've read that too. I plan to incorporate elements from both drafts.
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I think you should speak with Tommy because he's enjoyed my re-write and so you should correspond with him-- shoot back and forth and get some dialogue going.
I'll do that.
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You should go for it and have fun!!!
I think I will.
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If you can write this OPEN- ENDED...I mean where we can continue, this would be marvelous.
Oh sure, that's definitely do-able.
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So glad to see you back, Pete!!!!
Glad to be back.
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I'd love for you to just go full steam too.
As soon as I get permission/input from Gary and Tommy, I will get going on it.
As you know, I usually write in silence. Today, when driving home for Red Deer, I was changing channels. I wound up on CKUA which is an eclectic channel that plays everything. Thanks, Pete. I feel a breather.
It's nice to take a psychological break and to know that "Thief" is in the capable hands o you,f Pete... and now, I can indulge with a bit of this:
Edit: By the way, I had forgotten to mention that if you watch in this video, you'll see the television rising out of the floor. It makes me think of Gabriel's mansion and all of his gadgets. Look on the television and you'll see May 10, 1997. It might inspire you if you're trying to enter into it and supply a flashback. That kind of thing would be rather cool.
It's been about a year now of working with these characters and tonight I played my own little word association game. I'm using more words and I invite you to do the same, but this is what is coming through at the moment.
I'm using capitals for the words denoting their traits.
Cherry - Tender, Tease, Controlling, sometimes Frigid, Sympathetic to the nth.
I think her sympathy is what led her to misrepresenting herself with Johnny, and thus led him to really believing he had a chance. Although Gabriel lit the flame burning again, really, Cherry's sympathetic nature created a "seed" in Johnny's mind that was completely unrealistic.
Jeana won't let go of "the bone". She won't let go of Gabriel, and maybe she should. Darnell tries his hardest to help her, but she's so thick into all that is "Heisberg", (and Darnell is too) that it's like the blind leading the blind. Both she and Darnell are quite hopeless I think without the others. This might be why they want to re-unite the group. There's some kind of "power" in the history, that is so deep and thick and there's so much they don't know about it all. They WANT to know; wherease Gabriel's "run away". He DOESN'T want to know. Could it be because he "DOES KNOW" at times, and he fights with that ability every waking moment?
Frances - Rose Petal, Page of Cups, Creative, Sensitive, Intelligent
He/she, is a transgender individual that both Gabriel and Jeana helped so that he would come out of himself.
He has qualities that are very much neuter. Although he is indeed now female, he's very angelic and to the point where he almost supersedes the old concepts of gender differentiation. He's surrealistic, pretty, and a very lovely soul because he looks beyond physical attributes; hence, what Cherry doesn't see in Johnny, Frances does.
*** It's getting late here; so I'm going to add my brief word associations below for the other characters and deepen the flesh-out tomorrow.
I'm just going to add, that when we started with this, we had some very "surface stuff". Now, I think we can go much deeper because these characters HAVE been acting and doing stuff that we can actually evaluate. Weird, huh? We couldn't evaluate their behavior before because they hadn't actually "done it". But now they have, and are... And it's a totally different story.
Kay so I'll add more to this post later, but here's some short associations on the other characters that I have a whole lot more on, but I'm getting all typed out.
Roddy - Unyielding, Machismo, Joker,
Gabriel - Controlling, Brooding, Compensating, Pretender
Johnny - Indulgent Romantic, Dreamy, Appreciative, Nature lover
Jimmy - Humanitarian, Bleeding Heart, Peacemaker
Darnell - Passionate lover, Sensitive, Indulgent, Escapist, Party animal
Sandra, I'm still finding my take on THIEF, but I see that, generally, I agree with your assessment of these characters. Thanks for posting that, it helps. So, I won't be changing too much in regard to characterization.
I will be changing some other elements that are in your draft. I'll be pulling back the supernatural tone you've given the script, as I'm not sure all of it works. Frankly, much of it seems shoehorned into the story, and unrelated to the initial premise. Now I don't have a problem with adding totally new stuff to the story, but maybe it's a case of "too much too soon". No offense, but no more "Gabriel sex monster" (at least until you or another writer decides to put it back in).
Overall, I intend to:
~Bring THIEF back down to earth, ground it in reality.
~Keep the story, for the most part, in the "now" rather than the "then".
~Increase the humor and decrease the melodrama.
And other stuff that I haven't quite figured out yet. I don't want you (Sandra) to think that I didn't enjoy your draft. I did and I recognize you've brought a lot of good stuff to the table - but I believe that table is a bit overcrowded and disorganized at the moment.
No offense, but no more "Gabriel sex monster" (at least until you or another writer decides to put it back in).
to the table - but I believe that table is a bit overcrowded and disorganized at the moment.
Now, back to work...~Pete
Now you're gonna have people here all curious as to just what the hell Gabriel's got goin' on.
Gabriel? A sex monster? Nah. Well, yeah, but... Nah. Couldn't happen in Thief. Could it? But how? He's a virgin. He's been a virgin for a long time. Something's gotta give.
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Thief - Screenwriting Exercise/Game #12 Rewrite
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(No offense intended at all, but whoa!)
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