My gawd! I would hate to be the protagonist in one of your scripts. You're so mean to Calvin. Three of his closest love ones get killed for the sake of a bit drama.
This is a good read. You are a good writer. Only problem I can see is that it seems to suffer in the middle. The story and plot seems to go sideways instead of forward.
The reason as i see it, there is a bit to much set up for a key scene. You had about two to three scenes where Calvin is getting ready for his date with Crystal. This has your plot sort of stop and just idle. You set up everything to be happy and nice for the hero so to give the drama and bad stuff more bite when it happens. This is good and correct way to create good drama but you should not do it at the expense of the forward momentum of the plot.
The baddies in the script felt like they only existed to inflict grief on Calvin. They felt more like a plot device then natrual characters
I really loved the theme you tried to create in your script where a lot of Calvin's grief and misery and the death of his girl and brother all happened cause he gave in to his anger when all he had to do was to turn the other cheek and walk away,
Well that's how I interepted your theme and it makes it all the more tragic cause if he behaved diffrently things could have turned out diffrent.
finally have to agree with Dressel in regards to to many heart felt speeches. You could rewrite them and keep them short and sweet.
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