Gina :: SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board

This was a nice read. I liked the characters. I wasn’t sure exactly how this would go even though I read the synopsis you provided. It flowed nicely without any distractions. The ending was heartbreaking yet easy to understand.

There were some issues with the story that need to be addressed. The first one that stands out is that Dr. Gina does not suffer from insomnia. That is the inability to sleep. She suffers from amnesia. That is the inability to remember.

The other problems with the story seem to be cultural and language in nature. I get the impression that you are not an American and that English is not your first language. If I am mistaken, I apologize. As for the language issues, those will go away as you read more. Also, as you write more, you should take the time to look things up online. I do. Anytime I am unsure if I have the correct word or its spelling, I look it up.

As for the cultural issue, in most American marriages, a wife does not need her husband’s approval to go away to do research. As a couple it would be discussed. He could voice disapproval but ultimately, it is her choice. Nobody would blame him for her death because he allowed her to go. If he forbid her from going, it’s possible she would go anyway and file for divorce.

Your biggest and most obvious problem is with the format. You seem to be familiar with slug lines. You have “EXT. VENICE RESTAURANT – DAY” correct, so I know you are aware of the Standard Format. I get the impression that you think it’s optional. It isn’t. It’s rather rigid and compulsory. Look at some other scripts. Yours needs to look like those.

To start with, I know you used Microsoft Word 2019 to write this. Don’t use Word. If you insist on using Word, you need to use Courier 12pt and look up and set the correct margins and tabs. You also have to place page numbers and format those correctly. There is a template you can download from Microsoft that will have the correct margins and tab settings but it is still difficult to work with. You can also write macros to help with formatting.

Ideally, you should get a software package meant for script writing. There are some that are free, like Trelby. This will handle most of your format problems. I really recommend this. It will make your work a lot easier, leaving you free to be creative.

You need a title page. This has the title of your story, your name and contact information. It’s important.

You do not need and should not have a synopsis. If you want to, you can write and submit synopsis as a separate document.

You need a better logline. It should read more like a synopsis but be only a couple of sentences. What you have at the moment is a quote that does not describe the premise of the story.

You should not title your story segments like the chapters of a book. I’m talking about “THE BEGINNING”, “THE GOOD NEWS”, “THE DEPARTURE”, etc.

You should start your script with “FADE IN”, not “ZOOM IN”.

At one point you refer to Gina as Gina Clone. I think you should use Gina Clone throughout. It would help to distinguish between Dr. Gina and Gina Clone.

I recommend that you read other scripts on this site. Also, read the comments that accompany them. It’s a great way to learn. It will go a long way to make your script into something that a producer will read.