Since the thread seems to be over, I'll pop in and add my comments then ( have been away for a few weeks, strange how being out of work somehow made me busier ).

It was good to read the comments, some good, some spot on target with my feelings on the script, some not so much.  One thing to begin with, when Bert asked me to contribute the first script in this experiment, I had to pour over what I had and in the end chose The Clean Up Crew specifically for a few reasons, ones that were pointed out here with varying degrees of rationality :p

The script itself was tasked to me by the producer I worked with as my script Feral took it's long ugly journey through La La Land. When Feral was belly up after 2 years in development, I was handed less than a dozen script pages and the assignment to rework the idea for Clean Up into a full feature. In our first discussion, I was told what they wanted was " Resident Evil meets Ghostbusters", so it was funny to see people use almost those exact words. After a first draft and a second revision, the producer just lost interest and moved on, so basically it was left as is, a project that never really was rewritten to my satisfaction. That's not to excuse anything anyone alluded to, as some points made I agree with and some, no.  It's just...wait...here it comes....the backstory.

It IS an ensemble piece. The intent was to have the most interesting character be Adam. Obviously visually he'd be the most striking, but he was the only one really intended to have an actual arc. Successful or no, that was the idea. The other characters in the crew - someone in the review thread pointed to them as "cannon fodder" - not quite apt, but no, they're not deeply developed characters. In fact, they're intentionally broad - not cliches, but TYPES maybe might be the right description.   On purpose - we have the Asian kid, the older black grumpy guy, the harried owner, the dude, the hot chick, and the gloomy war vet ( who yes WAS an intentional cliche, poking a rub at all those "I seen stuff" types, so no matter what any previous post may assume, that was the only intentional stereotype) . I suspect at times a reviewer might just not "get it", that is, might be too wrapped up in being a wonderful...critic...that anything is springboard for criticism. In no way am I going to defend the characters as being finely drawn human beings, they're not, but I am going to say I do not need a lecture from anyone here. If Scott Frank wants to bend my ear that's fine.

Now...is this a bad thing or a good thing? My way of looking at this was ( and is) - this was intended to be a special effects horror/action/comedy. Adam, the living snakeman, was the one we feel for in the end. The other characters, while not deep, are there as part of the ensemble, the group we follow. Each pretty much has their own visual look by design and to a degree, a modicum of character. But yeah they're here to make jokes, run, and keep the story moving. In this type of script, to me that's acceptable. It's true there are instances where a horror or sci fi can delve deeper, but I still feel putting likable ( yeah I think they're likable) but not deep characters in the mix is fine for this genre piece.  Could Adam be deepened a bit ? Maybe so - if I do go back and finally give it good overhaul, there may be more that can be done with him, as he is introduced, lets loose the hounds, and then disappears. That's a bit sloppy on my part.

At this point, I'll go ahead and say it was funny the script was so traumatic to two readers that they could not sludge past page 20. That's disappointing and indicates more to me than any issues with the script itself.  Is this a good script?  Maybe a good one with issues, in need of a big rewrite. Is it bad?  Well...it's not as bad as some things we've all read here. But no matter it's issues...the script is readable.  Also let me point out I'm not a "new writer". I loved that tirade "oh here's the problem with New Writers"...am I a great writer? No. But I've been doing it quite a while, off and on.  I understand story and structure - even though this script has unorthodox structure, which will be mentioned below.  

Yep - I agree the script is..lopsided. Something that was never corrected, so I have no defense for it. Going in the intent was to build mystery and expectation : Open with an action scene - introduce characters - by page 13 we have the reveal of Adam, so wow, there's more here than meets the eye - and almost right away we have an antagonistic relationship between Adam and his keeper, foreshadowing bad things in the future - by page 30 , act two has begun already and the main action is underway -

My hope was, the introduction of Adam and hints of other creatures would be mystery enough to keep our attention until hell breaks loose. But yeah I do agree too much time is taken to just get the crew into the plant...I can see it's a slow and methodical in the build up. There's no need for the diner scene. And thank goodness someone pointed out that it really makes no sense for the company to outscource their cleaning...if they're guarding such secrets, heck yes they'd be handling this in house with no outsiders. That never occured to me until I looked at the script to use as the first "script club" entry, and had to laugh. Well...suspend some disbelief, at least until it gets re-written. So yes...the first act is botched in construction, gotta go along with that. The aim was for a slow burn buildup, but general view is that didn't work out.

The mix of critters/creatures...well yeah it's a mismash. I don't see an issue really with having Adam, and then having a biomech dog...the bugs...maybe a bit much and a bit sloppy. The Manster and it's involvement in the story - was always a wrestling match. The original goal was to keep it in shadows, hint at what it could be, then play out in the action coda. That scene was my tip of the hat to the James Bond films in the late 60s and early 70s, where after the main story is over, a henchman comes back for a final attack. That was the inspiration. Now it's not a literal use of that device, more something used as a springboard. The end of the story ends with Adam, but the intent was - in keeping with what was supposed to be an adventuresome tone - to throw in one more scene, one more short thrill ride capper. On another board, people were disappointed there was never a showdown with Adam and the Manster, so was surprised that more here didn't mention that as well. I think 6 of 12 reviewers had brought that up back when it was originally posted at another board.

I like lots of the suggestions, combining Malcolm & Baxter in particular, and think most everyone who commented had valid points. Thanks to all who commented and hope it was a good exercise for everyone involved.

Interesting stuff...very interesting!

"The Script Club" kinda died I guess.  I think the site being up and down pretty much spelled it's doom, and instead of helping with constructive critisism, a few people went into tirades and personal attacks on others thoughts and ideas.

I'm glad you posted this, as I was the one who brought up that a big problem for me was the mere fact that this mega complex was outsourcing their cleanup.  It just didn't make any sense and right from the beginning, I was having trouble in the believabilitgy of everything.  Someone else then shot me down for bringing up something so trivial.

Thinking back on your script now, the things you brought up here make alot of sense, and actually answer some questions I had.  I did think it was very Resident Evilish.  I also thought it was no big deal whether or not your characters were completely developed, cliched, or whatever.

Interesting to see what kinds of comments you'll get back on this.

Too bad the boards were down so much of the time. I think that killed it. Now it's been so long that I don't think I remember enough details about it and as much as I liked it I don't want to read it again.  

Should we try another one or is this it?

Quoted from Grandma Bear Too bad the boards were down so much of the time...Should we try another one or is this it?

Yes, I think the "up and down" boards kept this from really taking off like it might have -- but at 30+ posts I would still count it as a success.

It does sound like Mike got something positive out of it, which was the real point of any of this.  I think we can hang a "closed" sign on this one.

If people are up for another one, Pia, why don't you "host" it -- since it was really kind of your idea to start?

You can wake up the old "Script Club" thread and discuss possible candidates (James' new one springs to mind), and what you might do differently based upon how this one went.

Yeah this a very cool idea.  I wouldn't mind submitting my script for input some wheres down this road.  I'm sorry I never got around to commenting on The Clean up Crew.  I was actually reading another of your scripts, Mike.  Cold Chill.

Quoted from bert You can wake up the old "Script Club" thread and discuss possible candidates (James' new one springs to mind), and what you might do differently based upon how this one went.

Ok... as soon as I find it....  

"It IS an ensemble piece. The intent was to have the most interesting character be Adam. Obviously visually he'd be the most striking, but he was the only one really intended to have an actual arc. Successful or no, that was the idea. The other characters in the crew - someone in the review thread pointed to them as "cannon fodder" - not quite apt, but no, they're not deeply developed characters. In fact, they're intentionally broad - not cliches, but TYPES maybe might be the right description.   On purpose - we have the Asian kid, the older black grumpy guy, the harried owner, the dude, the hot chick, and the gloomy war vet ( who yes WAS an intentional cliche, poking a rub at all those "I seen stuff" types, so no matter what any previous post may assume, that was the only intentional stereotype) ."


I never had the chance to join this thread as every time I tried to get on the site, it was down.

Anyway, I just thought I'd question this idea about the ensemble cast. To me it is contradictory to have an ensemble piece with stereo typical (or "broad") characters. Isn't the whole point of an ensemble cast that the films are character driven and therefore the characters need to be strongly developed, real and  three dimensional?

I think of Reservoir Dogs or even LOTR's.

I'm not criticising you for the attempt, but it seems to me that people often cause major problems for themselves when they experiment with the structure of genre films. I think the decision to go for an ensemble cast in a spoof horror/action film is probably a poor one. It is probably more fitting for a serious drama.

Since I must be stupid because I can't find the original Script Club thread...

I'll post the question here.

Is anyone interested in doing another one? I had planned on reading James new one. Since he's a great contributor at SS, I think it would be a perfect one for the next attempt at this.

Any thoughts?

I'm very interested in getting this going again.  Hopefully this time, we can have a meaningful, helpful discussion without jumping down each other's throats.

What is "James new one"?

Quoted from Grandma Bear I can't find the original Script Club thread...

http://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-cc/m-1212603825/

Quoted from Dreamscale What is "James new one"?

"Tis the Season", a dark Christmas comedy.

Whatever you select, it should be something other than a horror script.

I'm up for it.

Gabe

OK, I'm in, but I'd much prefer a horror script.  Where do we find it?  What is the agenda, adn how should we proceed?

Quoted from Dreamscale I'd much prefer a horror script.

It can be.  I only offered up James as one suggestion, since the last one was a horror.

Whoever it is, it should be an author who participates on the boards, usually has scripts that do not suck, and often reads more than they get in return.  My thoughts on that, anyway.

Quoted from Dreamscale What is the agenda, adn how should we proceed?

Talk to Pia.  She's the boss this time.  I have not got the time to run one of these right now.

[EDIT:  And move the conversation to the old thread, linked a few posts up.  This thread is for "Clean Up Crew"]

I'd actually even offer up my script, which no one, other than Correnatto has read. I've been leary about throwing it up on here, especially with all the negative reviews I give.

I'd do it though...let me know.

I think you should offer up your script, Dreamscale.   It was a pretty good read and I think it would benifit from having an indept reviewing.