Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Post 33 my dear. You mentioned how much you liked it and I thought it was a line of description, but it was dialogue.

I do love this script completely. I went back to the post you are referring to now. In this excerpt from it:

But I'm getting ahead. Let's go back to page 3

to the solid transition on page 3 with the use of the aerial view.

I can imagine us soaring along with the V.O. and coming down into a fade that becomes "the web" of which

The Philostrate speaks--

Here, we realize now, that we are looking at a
map in the underground train station

When the Philostrate proclaims,

And that's The Burgue for you, A-Z, we realize that this is where we really were all along.


There must be a name for these kinds of transitions, but I don't know what they are.

The writer, identifies the "source" and "location" of the voice over, relays it and then transports us magically back to it's source. (We mostly are unaware of these shifts unless we study it).

I think you are referring to what I have in bold above? This, being what you thought was not placed in dialogue, but is? Alright, I understand. You were concerned with it being an aside outside of dialogue. I tend to throw those around in my scripts rather brashly I'm afraid. You really would be very angry with me.   But it is important to realize it all within context and make calculations based upon many factors. One should weigh it all over carefully.

I tend to think of this script as not being just written so much as it is engraved, polished and painted.

Sandra

I don't really remember this script being filled with unfilmables. That wasn't my problem with it. I just found the reading itself to be a chore and I did not "love" the way it was written. Of course there's a possibility there's a language barrier with me there. However I do read a lot of books and if this had been a book, I would have put it down fairly quick. In other words, the writing here didn't work for me on any level. I am fascinated and amazed that some think it's amazing piece of writing.

The story itself was bland to me as well. Very average. The only thing to me that was different at all was the setting...

Perhaps we can move on to specifics to discuss?  What about character and dialogue?

Quoted from Grandma Bear The story itself was bland to me as well. Very average. The only thing to me that was different at all was the setting...

And setting is what made it for me. Like I said, the same, only different. I bought in to the world presented.

A Scotland Yard detective investigates a series of bizarre murders. Check, please.

Quoted from Grandma Bear I don't really remember this script being filled with unfilmables. That wasn't my problem with it. I just found the reading itself to be a chore and I did not "love" the way it was written. Of course there's a possibility there's a language barrier with me there. However I do read a lot of books and if this had been a book, I would have put it down fairly quick. In other words, the writing here didn't work for me on any level. I am fascinated and amazed that some think it's amazing piece of writing. The story itself was bland to me as well. Very average. The only thing to me that was different at all was the setting... Perhaps we can move on to specifics to discuss?  What about character and dialogue?

I felt the work from a different place. That kind of thing doesn't just happen; it takes time and you just never know when it's going to happen or not. You can be in a state of flubux for awhile.

Sandra

Quoted from Sandra Elstree. I do love this script completely. I went back to the post you are referring to now. In this excerpt from it: But I'm getting ahead. Let's go back to page 3 to the solid transition on page 3 with the use of the aerial view. I can imagine us soaring along with the V.O. and coming down into a fade that becomes "the web" of which The Philostrate speaks-- Here, we realize now, that we are looking at a map in the underground train station When the Philostrate proclaims, And that's The Burgue for you, A-Z, we realize that this is where we really were all along. There must be a name for these kinds of transitions, but I don't know what they are. The writer, identifies the "source" and "location" of the voice over, relays it and then transports us magically back to it's source. (We mostly are unaware of these shifts unless we study it). I think you are referring to what I have in bold above? This, being what you thought was not placed in dialogue, but is? Alright, I understand. You were concerned with it being an aside outside of dialogue. I tend to throw those around in my scripts rather brashly I'm afraid. You really would be very angry with me.   But it is important to realize it all within context and make calculations based upon many factors. One should weigh it all over carefully. I tend to think of this script as not being just written so much as it is engraved, polished and painted. Sandra

Hi Sandra, just to clarify, it was actually the line of Dialogue from the "mermaid". (Moira, I think?).

She mentioned the sounds that humans couldn't hear. For some reason I remembered it as being a line of description about the quality of her voice, rather than an actual delivered line.

My bad, as you Americans would say.

Quoted from Scar Tissue Films Hi Sandra, just to clarify, it was actually the line of Dialogue from the "mermaid". (Moira, I think?). She mentioned the sounds that humans couldn't hear. For some reason I remembered it as being a line of description about the quality of her voice, rather than an actual delivered line. My bad, as you Americans would say.

You're a sweetheart and I'm not an American, but a universal citizen. Go figure eh? ...

Thank you so much Dec,

I love you guys all,

Sandra

Hi guys. Have just finished reading this script. I read some of the first comments when this thread started but didn't wade through the pages since.

First impressions - i liked it and thought it was welll written. It didin't take me long to get through it and there were no real draggy bits that I'd normally skip over.
I could picture the images and scenes in my head vividly whilst reading.

However I think this as a film would be risky. Much as there is a massive audience for the fantasy worlds it depicts, I feel watching it would be hard to follow. There is a lot of 'foreign' names and settings whcih can inhibit the cinmeatic experience.
It would be better to be released as a novel maybe and then the response could be gauged.
Also it has some violent and sex scenes that would give it definitely an 'M' rating if not an 'MA' depending on how much they showed. note - these are Aussie ratings i'm using; obviously the U.S has a different system.

No, overall this was nicely written. The writer has really done his outline on this. Each character, plot arc and setting has been crafted; it wouldn't surprise if we learned the author had written a very detailed account of it first.
There is a lot of deference paid to other works of the genre, although i don't a lot about some of the ones mentioned in earlier posts. The China Mievelle novel 'Perdido Street Station', with it's odd creatures gets a good nod to, IMHO anyway.

Sure, the actual story is cliched, and been done many times in Hollywood (the wrongfully accused trying to prove his innocence while trying to catch the real killer, etc, etc). But the writer creates this compelling world and, well, i really got into it.

Just for the hell of it, i'd give it 8/10.

Now i'm gonna re-read all the posts.

Ok, i have just re-read most of the previous comments.

My impressions still stand - this is a great script. If one of the SS regulars had writtten it, I feel we would be all over him/her like a rash with our praise. Even people who didn't like the genre would admit the actual writing style was top.

I didn't really notice any passive verbiage - not saying it wasn't there, but when i read a script so smoothly, it means there's no prob. it's like the refs/umpires in a game of footy - if you don't notice them, they're doing a good job and not interfering with the flow of the game.

But i have to mention the title - after reading the script, it just doesn't fit. Carnival Row is hardly mentioned after the beginning. I'm guessing the writer finished and was a loss for a great title, so he tacked on the current one.

Quoted from stevie Ok, i have just re-read most of the previous comments. My impressions still stand - this is a great script. If one of the SS regulars had writtten it, I feel we would be all over him/her like a rash with our praise. Even people who didn't like the genre would admit the actual writing style was top. I didn't really notice any passive verbiage - not saying it wasn't there, but when i read a script so smoothly, it means there's no prob. it's like the refs/umpires in a game of footy - if you don't notice them, they're doing a good job and not interfering with the flow of the game. But i have to mention the title - after reading the script, it just doesn't fit. Carnival Row is hardly mentioned after the beginning. I'm guessing the writer finished and was a loss for a great title, so he tacked on the current one.

Hi Stevie, "Wave!!!!" I'm glad you had the chance to read this one. I have to agree that I feel that the title is amiss, but maybe I'm missing something yet again. That could be the case, but I don't think so right now.

Sandra