SimplyScripts Discussion Board
Blog Home - Produced Movie Script Library - TV Scripts - Unproduced Scripts - Contact - Site Map
ScriptSearch
Welcome, Guest.
It is November 24th, 2017, 3:31pm
Please login or register.
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

If you wish to join this discussion board, please send me a message. Please do read the guidelines that govern behavior on the discussion board. It will make for a much more pleasant experience for everyone. A word about SimplyScripts and Censorship
Who Wrote What

The Writer's Choice



The breakdown has been posted

Short Script of the Day | Featured Script of the Month | Featured Short Scripts Available for Production | Submit Your Script

How do I get my film's link and banner here?
All screenplays on the simplyscripts.com and simplyscripts.net domain are copyrighted to their respective authors. All rights reserved. This screenplaymay not be used or reproduced for any purpose including educational purposes without the expressed written permission of the author.
Forum Login
Username: Create a new Account
Password:     Forgot Password

SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Series  ›  My Sweet Lord of the Rings Moderators: bert
Users Browsing Forum
Yahoo! Bot and 1 Guests

 Pages: 1
Recommend Print
  Author    My Sweet Lord of the Rings  (currently 1257 views)
Don
Posted: June 10th, 2009, 9:52pm Report to Moderator
Administrator
Administrator


So, what are you writing?

Location
Virginia
Posts
11592
Posts Per Day
1.89
My Sweet Lord of the Rings.   Part One: the Fellowship of Ringo by Steve McDonell (stevie) - Series, Comedy - Four Beatles from the Shire must undertake a perilous quest. Middle Earth may never be the same... - pdf, format


Visit http://www.simplyscripts.com for what is new on the site.


-------------
You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take.
- Wayne Gretzky
Logged
Site Private Message
rendevous
Posted: June 11th, 2009, 10:45am Report to Moderator
Yellow


Away

Location
Over there.
Posts
2533
Posts Per Day
0.80
Stevie,
I got about twenty pages in before stopping. I can see what you're trying to do here but it wasn't for me. It's mainly dialogue driven and I kept feeling that it could be a lot tighter. There's a few good laughs there but for the most part it dragged IMH. On the positive side I know this may appeal to some. I remember reading that they did once consider doing a LOTR piece, maybe that's what you're trying to do. Sorry not be more positive.


Out Of Character - updated


New Used Car

Green

Right Back

The Deuce - OWC - now on STS

Other scripts here
Logged
Site Private Message Reply: 1 - 9
grademan
Posted: June 11th, 2009, 4:08pm Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Wisconsin
Posts
906
Posts Per Day
0.29
Stevie,

Nice to see your magnum Beatles opus.  Itís always a good day when the lads are about.

Things I liked
> Bill as the faster than fast delivery man
> Plot and locales were close to the LOTR
> The play between the lads
> Each act ended by an impromptu performance

Things I didnít like
> The lads constant smoking weed got old.
> Covered a lot of territory in a short 60 pages.
> I had a hard time putting the voice with the character. I remember the ladsí voices and the actorsí voices from the movie and kept getting mixed up. I am not sure if others will have this problem.
> The Nazgul were not the Big Blue Meanies and no yellow submarine in the river? I thought Pepperland would be right next to Mordor? Oh, thatís for the animated release - my mistake.

Gary
Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 2 - 9
stevie
Posted: June 11th, 2009, 4:25pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Down Under
Posts
2836
Posts Per Day
0.86
Hi Gary and RV. Thanks for the reads. Yeah, I knew there would be a mixture of reactions to this. It is meant as a parody - I only put it in this series section as I'll probably do the next two book/films later. It could be in the comedy section too.

I forgot to have a super at the start:   1965. The Beatles are meant to be their incarnation of the 'Help' era. That is when they were full blown potheads. I didn't realise people would be thinking of 'Yellow Submarine' as a point of reference. I am toying with the idea that in the next bit (2 towers) the boys are in Pepper gear, then in the third bit they will look like the guys on the Apple roof. Just a thought.

I only realised the other day it will harder from now on, as the Four won't be together again till after the Ring is destroyed. I wanted to challenge myself with this script, by not using any gratuitous sex, swearing, rascist or gay jokes, and going for straight comedy. Cheers guys and thanks again.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 3 - 9
tonkatough
Posted: June 13th, 2009, 8:14am Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Australia
Posts
705
Posts Per Day
0.17
Yay Stevie.

I'm currently reading this script. Will put up a review  when I finish.

Your parody reminds me of another LOTR parody that is one of the funniest videos I have ever seen on Youtube. Showed it to my mates and they just look at me like I'm idiot but I've watched it dozen times over and it cracks me up every time.

Enjoy mate.



Logged
Private Message Reply: 4 - 9
stevie
Posted: June 13th, 2009, 5:07pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Down Under
Posts
2836
Posts Per Day
0.86
Hey Glenn. Man, that's pretty wicked! Reminded me of Monty Python's Gumby!
I had another idea the other day of doing LOTR with the guys from Clerks as the hobbits. Can u imagine Jay talking trash? I'll see how this one pans out. cheers buddy.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 5 - 9
tonkatough
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 3:05am Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Australia
Posts
705
Posts Per Day
0.17
Wasn't Kevin Smith the dude that criticized LOTR for being a movie about "walking?"


Logged
Private Message Reply: 6 - 9
tonkatough
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 4:19am Report to Moderator
Green



Location
Australia
Posts
705
Posts Per Day
0.17
I've had a read of this and just thought it was okay.

Many of the smart arse dialouge between the beatles where funny and I got a chuckle but other then that I found the plot very dry and just a slavish copy of LOTR plot with a few cynical witty observations on how crap some aspects of the the LOTR movie where.

This is the biggest problem for me as your plot is exactly the same as movie you parody which after a while made reading your script predictable and dull after about 40 pages.

I mean you've got the beatles, you got Tolkin trademark characters and creatures, you could have spun this out anyway you could imagine.  I would of liked to have seen you throw in a lot of Beatles iconic moments and substitute them for Tolkin stuff. Like for example instead of have group go through Moria why not have them go through an Octopus garden? Or have the Beatles have to put on their Sergent Pepper's Lonely heart band persona to infiltrate Elf tree city to steal water from Elf Queen's Cate Blanchet's magic mirror so they can fill up their bong and pull some cones.

The possibilities are endless. Just because you are doing a parody does not mean you have to stick with the plot of the story you are taking the micky out of so people get the laughs. Mel Brook's SpaceBalls is a prime example of this.

Other problem I see with this as with your other features is that character just talk and talk and talk and not much action. You still create a weak plot and need to learn more about plot structure.

What I did like was the characters and how they bounce off each other. Pot smoking was charming if a little overdone. Saruron/Sauraman name mix-up was funny.

The psychic moment when the hobbits and elf queen exchange telepathic discussion is brillant in your scirpt. A spooky weird moment in the movie and you turn it into laugh out loud moment when your dialouge projects what is really on their minds. Priceless. (Was she wearing knickers?)    

If for the next one you are just going to rehash Two Towers story and throw in a few wttty remarks then I can honestly say I am not interested in coming back for more. But if you are willing to flex your imagination and take this on your own journey and show us through your imagination what it is you love/loath about the Beatles/ LOTR then hell yeah I will be back for more.    


Logged
Private Message Reply: 7 - 9
Tommyp
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 6:48am Report to Moderator
Green


Continuity Is For Pussies...

Location
Australia
Posts
781
Posts Per Day
0.23
Hey Steve, just finished this.

It's funny. Some great dialogue, but as Tonka said, there was lot's of talking and not enough action. I think that if I was a hardcore fan of either the Beatles or LOTR I would like this much more.

Overall it's smart and funny, but just needs a bit of tinkering.

Well done.


Logged Offline
Private Message Reply: 8 - 9
stevie
Posted: June 14th, 2009, 4:30pm Report to Moderator
Yellow



Location
Down Under
Posts
2836
Posts Per Day
0.86
Hi Glenn, Tommy. Thanks for the read. yeah, looking at it now i see how it became a bit tedious following the exact plot of LOTR. When i had the idea for this, i didn't really think it through. it was written quickly while i had the urge to do it, so i could get on with more serious work! But i had to get it written or i would've gone crazy thinking about it.
Some good ideas Glenn, if i do the next bits. But i didn't really want ot stray too far from the LOTR timeline and setting. the original focus was the straightness of the Tolkien characters in the face of the Beatle's antics.
I might leave it for now and get back to writing the other books in the future. It was more of a writing challenge for me, doing comedy with no porn or foul mouthing. In that aspect i was happy with it. cheers and your comments are valued.


Logged
Private Message Reply: 9 - 9
 Pages: 1
Recommend Print

Locked Board Board Index    Series  [ previous | next ] Switch to:
Was Portal Recent Posts Home Help Calendar Search Register Login

Forum Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post polls
You may not post attachments
HTML is on
Blah Code is on
Smilies are on


Powered by E-Blah Platinum 9.71B © 2001-2006