Quoted from -Ben- The ending was out of place. The ghost thing didn't seem right in a script  like this, but it still doens't make the script bad, and it mainly works.

Bigwhoop

This script was written as a SimplyScript one week script writing exercise and the theme was about Ghosts so Andy cleverly ended her script with a twist about Jimmy not only hanuted by the bully's memory but by his ghost as well..

It doesn't mainly work, it actually does work!

Read it again otherwise I'll put you on detention and give you a thousand lines:

I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ
I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ
I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ
I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ
I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ

And so on and such forth..

o....k.

that was eh....surreal.

but very well written in its own way. the far-out format kinda ruined it a bit though.

ehm... well it felt very uncompleted. this could have been a lot longer and the format was way to wide! compile the paragraphs and dialouge closer together.

i eh...truly don't know what to say eh... you have an act for dialouge. that's a pro. but you need to read up on format. that's a con.

you wrote the characters very well and i really felt sorry for Jimmy when i read it.

good job!

Quoted from Alfred Hitchcock ehm... well it felt very uncompleted. this could have been a lot longer and the format was way to wide! compile the paragraphs and dialouge closer together. i eh...truly don't know what to say eh... you have an act for dialouge. that's a pro. but you need to read up on dialouge. that's a con.

It's funny when people give advice on technicality and dialogue and stuff when they have no idea how to do it themselves.  The format is perfect and the dialogue is some of the best on the site!  What are you talking about!!!!

BUT onto the script...been almost a year since I read this so I thought what the hell, I'll check it out again.  Still a beautiful piece of work here!  The dirty language, the dialogue, the characters...I'm glad this one got bumped up for ya.

Still the best short on the site in my opinion.  

WOW...I'm glad this got bumped up because this is really good Andy, I'm gonna have to read your other stuff.  Good job here, especially since this was for the one week thingy.  Really good dialog...great work.

PS: hope u have fun in vancouver, and if u wanna work on a short film I'm making one in july for a film festival on the north shore....

Quoted from kevan I WILL NOT POST UNTIL I UNDERSTAND WHAT I READ

If I were you, I'd just worry about your scripts and see what Andy has to say.

Quoted from -Ben- If I were you, I'd just worry about your scripts and see what Andy has to say.

Seems like everybody else in this thread not only appreciated the characters and story in this great little script but they also appreciated Andy's denouement too..

I stick by what I said because you obviously didn’t think about what you were saying before you posted and this only confirms my original statement..

Consider yourself on detention.

Holy cr*p! I am shocked so many people have read this and mostly enjoyed it!! Yay!  

Ghost, I'm happy you liked this. Thanks for reading it

Kevan, Thank you for your kind words. Wow. I think I read your comments just a few times..... They made me very happy my dear   I know I'm a tad wordy with my descriptions, but I'm glad it helped paint a better picture of the story and characters. Thanks again. Really made my day.

James, I think that's the first compliment I ever got for my logline!! Thank you. Glad you liked the bullies and the dream sequence. Thanks for the read.

Bigwhoop, Jimmy was indeed a midget. I just wanted to try something a little different. I can't recall too many serious midget roles. The only ones that spring to mind, to me, are Mini-Me, the guy in Me, Myself and Irene and Willow. But, there are probably a ton more I've forgotten about. I had trouble with the flashbacks. I'm still unsure about how they're supposed to work, but I think I just about make them work here. No worries about not liking the ghost. I had an alternative ending in mind, but felt this was the strongest one. Thanks for reading this also.

Alfred Hitchcock... surreal eh? LOL - I think so, thanks! Sorry my format wasn't quite right, but I'm still learning. Glad you liked the dialogue and thanks for taking the time to check this out.

Greg, I love you. I can't believe you read this again. And to go so far as to say that this is the best short? Wow. You're too kind. Glad you're still a fan of the dirty language... baby    

Theboywhocouldfly/Jordan, I'm so glad you liked this too. I can't believe how many people have read this! Don't kid about the July project. Sounds like something I may well be interested in doing..! Seriously!

WOW - Thanks again to everyone who read my script! I am so flattered and just blown away by all the great things people had to say about it  

Love,

A very happy Goonie!

Quoted from Andy Petrou Theboywhocouldfly/Jordan, I'm so glad you liked this too. I can't believe how many people have read this! Don't kid about the July project. Sounds like something I may well be interested in doing..! Seriously!

I ain't kidding, I need good people and you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.  I'm not sure on the date yet but it's like in the first two weeks of july.  Hope u have a safe trip

I haven't read any of the other reviews, so don't become impatient if I say some of the same things that others have said. Your script is actually really good, and has a nice story.

The thing that bugs me is that 11 year olds are saying fuck and shit non-stop.

When I was 11 the worst I said was crap. I know scripts don't have to be realistic, but the kids didn't stop swearing in that one scene, and I've never heard of an 11 year old cutting another 11 year old with a knife.

You have a few spelling and grammar errors, but all around it flows nicely.

I'm gonna be generous and give your script a 3.5/5... If you made some changes this would work out quite well, and if you rewrote this I would definately read it again.

Quoted from James Fields The thing that bugs me is that 11 year olds are saying fuck and shit non-stop.

when i was 11 i was saying fuck all the time(I still do), so I thought it was pretty realistic.

The reason I didn't is because us Americans were brutes with swearing and stuff like that. We still are, but with things other than swearing.

Quoted from Andy Petrou Kevan, Thank you for your kind words. Wow. I think I read your comments just a few times..... They made me very happy my dear   I know I'm a tad wordy with my descriptions, but I'm glad it helped paint a better picture of the story and characters. Thanks again. Really made my day.

Great little story, Andy.. You deserve all the plaudits...


Kevanski  

Quoted Text Seems like everybody else in this thread not only appreciated the characters and story in this great little script but they also appreciated Andy's denouement too..

Did I say I didn't like it? I just thought the ending was out of place, and no I didn't know the competetion had a theme of ghosts. This would have been even more great if it didn't have to follow the competion's rules.