Pages: 1, 2 : All |
Author |
Requiem (currently 3913 views) |
Don |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 10:53am |
|
|
AdministratorAdministrator So, what are you writing?
LocationVirginia Posts16449 Posts Per Day 1.93 |
|
| Visit SimplyScripts.com for what is new on the site.
------------- You will miss 100% of the shots you don't take. - Wayne Gretzky
|
|
|
|
|
Martin |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 12:03pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Thanks Don, that was quick!
Looking forward to some feedback on this. I'm off to read the others! |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 1 - 26 |
|
|
Antemasque |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 12:29pm |
|
|
Been Around the ocean floor is hidden from your viewing lens
LocationBaltimore, MD Posts558 Posts Per Day 0.08 |
This one was done very differently. Everything seemed original to me and i think it was great. Everything was top notch, the story, characters, everything was. I enjoyed every single part of this short and this is one of my favorites. Great job. |
|
|
|
Reply: 2 - 26 |
|
|
bert |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 12:58pm |
|
|
AdministratorBuy the ticket, take the ride
LocationThat's me in the corner Posts4233 Posts Per Day 0.61 |
Req: This is the first time I can remember (in a long time, anyway) reaching the end of a story -- and having finished it -- felt that I needed to buzz through it once more.
I loved the tone. It grabbed me right away.
Shit, man. I might even like it better than mine... |
| Hey, it's my tiny, little IMDb! |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 3 - 26 |
|
|
Mr.Z |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 1:18pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationBuenos Aires - Argentina Posts743 Posts Per Day 0.11 |
Your writing style is very good, so I guess you already know that camera directions and transitions are frowned upon in spec scripts, and had your reasons to include them.
On to the story: It was very good. It was a fast read, and never saw the end coming. I really enjoyed reading this. Congratulations, and keep up the good work. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 4 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 1:26pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 5 - 26 |
|
|
George Willson |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 4:28pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients Doctor who? Yes, quite right.
LocationBroken Arrow Posts3591 Posts Per Day 0.51 |
Wow. This was good. Your voiceovers were minimal was well used. You held the one piece of information most desired till the end and didn't even say it! Amen, you showed it instead. You kept me wondering and it just seemed like an odyssey through this guy's head about his bully...the one behind it all.
Good job. Well done. Loved it. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 6 - 26 |
|
|
greg |
Posted: July 20th, 2005, 6:26pm |
|
|
Old Timer Oh Hi
LocationSan Diego, California Posts1680 Posts Per Day 0.24 |
Wow, this was a true chiller, sir. It had a dark toned elegance that was written so beautifully and the ending really left a chill down my spine. Like Bert, though, I had to quickly skim this over a second time to make sure I got everything, which eventually I did.
Overall, I wished this could have been a little longer but you developed an impressive story for its short length. A solid piece of work! |
| Be excellent to each other |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 7 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: July 21st, 2005, 3:36am |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Thanks fellas, glad you enjoyed it. This gives me a bit of confidence ahead of the real contest next week. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 8 - 26 |
|
|
Andy Petrou |
Posted: July 21st, 2005, 5:07am |
|
|
Been Around
Posts697 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
Hey Martin! WOW! What a great script, I'm impressed. I really thought you did a fantastic job of describing the scenes, beautifully done. I loved the twist at the end, and picked up on it prior to the revelation, but it still was excellent. I loved the pace of this piece. Like it's settings, it was chilling! A great use of pathetic fallacy, I believe.( I hope I used that in the right context). I also felt sorry for poor Harry, much like my little midget friend, he didn't deserve it! Very well written and I enjoyed the way you used voice over here. I particularly loved the Doctor's role in this, really was very intriguing! Great stuff, hon! Andy x |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 9 - 26 |
|
|
MacDuff |
Posted: July 21st, 2005, 9:33am |
|
|
Been Around I should be writing...
LocationBeautiful BC Posts745 Posts Per Day 0.10 |
This is my fav. short so far...very well done.
I could actually picture this as a period piece - maybe the turn of the century. That would be great.
Well done!!! |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 10 - 26 |
|
|
Oney.Mendoza |
Posted: July 21st, 2005, 11:11pm |
|
|
New
LocationBay Area, CA Posts190 Posts Per Day 0.03 |
Requiem,
Very good. This was a very moody and more darker "exercise" than the rest. It was really unpredictable...it went into a totally different direction than I thought it was. This was awesome and completely satisfying.
-ONEY |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 11 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: July 29th, 2005, 12:29pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Thanks for reading this everyone. Your comments are greatly appreciated. If you liked this, my next script, 'Araucaria' will be up on the site shortly. It was written in a week for the nycmidnight contest. Genre: Suspense Subject: An Old Record. Hope you like it. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 12 - 26 |
|
|
Nixon |
Posted: August 10th, 2005, 3:42pm |
|
|
Old Timer
LocationWashington Posts1395 Posts Per Day 0.24 |
Howdy,
I like this a lot. It seemed darker than the other shorts, which is always a plus (for me anyway). The descriptions were great too. Good job.
-Zavier |
| Though earth and man are gone, I thought the cube would last forever. I WAS WRONG. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 13 - 26 |
|
|
-Ben- |
Posted: October 9th, 2005, 5:50pm |
|
|
New Stop reading this and look above!
LocationNunya Posts397 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
This script was great. The formatting was ver good, the story and plot (for a short) was wwell maintained and the VO's wern't overused. But what is this twist everyone is talking about? I read the script, and i didn;tt get the twist at the end. I skmmed the script again-nothing. But anyway, good script, everytnig was good. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 14 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: October 11th, 2005, 5:53am |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
But what is this twist everyone is talking about? |
The twist is revealed visually in the final scene. I won't give it away here but here's a clue: the photo! Thanks for reading |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 15 - 26 |
|
|
-Ben- |
Posted: October 12th, 2005, 3:32am |
|
|
New Stop reading this and look above!
LocationNunya Posts397 Posts Per Day 0.06 |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 16 - 26 |
|
|
Shelton |
Posted: October 20th, 2005, 11:10pm |
|
|
Of The Ancients
LocationChicago Posts3292 Posts Per Day 0.48 |
Martin,
I really enjoyed this one. Excellent use of voiceovers and flashbacks, and a nice twist at the end.
Job well done! |
| Shelton's IMDb Profile
"I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper." - Steve Martin |
|
|
|
Reply: 17 - 26 |
|
|
The boy who could fly |
Posted: October 1st, 2006, 11:00am |
|
|
Old Timer
LocationBritish Columbia, Canada Posts1387 Posts Per Day 0.21 |
Wow Martin, this one was really good. You have a great way with description and character, some of the best on the un produced and produced scripts IMO, this felt real and had a very somber tone to it, at least for me. You threw a nice twist at the end, I had a feeling that they were brothers but it still worked very well. anyways this was a another gem. Keep plugging them out. |
| |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 18 - 26 |
|
|
Alex J. Cooper |
Posted: October 2nd, 2006, 12:58am |
|
|
New
LocationAustralia Posts316 Posts Per Day 0.05 |
You wrote this script months ago, are you still accepting compliments? I loved this script, and its the first I've seen where no one has spotted any formatting flaws. |
| Shorts: I Named Him Thor Footloose, Cut Loose Tainted Milk Marshmallows Confucius & The Quest For Nessie Wondrous Presentation |
|
|
|
Reply: 19 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: October 2nd, 2006, 1:15pm |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
are you still accepting compliments? |
Compliments are always appreciated It's nice to see this one get bumped because it's the only short I'm really happy with. I've since removed the car crash to lower the budget but I'm reluctant to change much else. Flyboy, thanks for the kind words. I still plan to read one of your features but I'm totally slammed at work right now, and I'm writing coverage for a prodco in my spare time (like I have any spare time). You're next on my list though. Mike, I must've missed your comments from way back in October. Appreciated as always. Ape, thanks a lot. Let me know if I can return the favour. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 20 - 26 |
|
|
dogglebe |
Posted: October 3rd, 2006, 9:09am |
|
|
Guest User
|
Somehow I missed this one, last year. It was a good read with a nice twist at the end. I think fleshing out the piece would do wonders to the story.
Phil |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 21 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: October 5th, 2006, 11:55am |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Thanks, Phil. It's not easy to pass the "dogglebe test" so I'm glad you enjoyed it. Maybe one day I'll go back to this but I have sooo much on my plate, and I want to focus on getting another feature finished if I ever find time. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 22 - 26 |
|
|
chism |
Posted: June 2nd, 2007, 4:22am |
|
|
Posts1053 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
Bump!
Another script of your's bumped by me, Martin.
Anyway, I really, really liked this script. Had sort of a "Six Feet Under" vibe to it. Very, very cool. Your writing is snappy and smart, the twist at the end was really good.
Between Open Your Mind and this, you're fast becoming a personal favourite of mine, Martin. Really well done.
Matt. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 23 - 26 |
|
|
Death Monkey |
Posted: June 2nd, 2007, 8:45am |
|
|
Been Around Viet-goddamn-nam is what happened to me!
LocationThe All Spin Zone Posts983 Posts Per Day 0.15 |
This was very enjoyable. I read about the twist before I started reading, and the motif of ghosts in the script really had me worried you were gonna go down a Sixth Sense path with it but you didn't stray from the heart of the story and you managed to keep a somber tone throughout without it feeling labored in overwrought dialogue.
I can only really echo Matt above and say you're one of my favorite writers in this place.
Well done. |
| |
|
|
|
Reply: 24 - 26 |
|
|
Martin |
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 6:08am |
|
|
Been Around
LocationFrankfurt, Germany Posts607 Posts Per Day 0.09 |
Thanks, guys.
It's nice to see this one get a bump. It's one of my favourites.
Glad you liked it and thanks for the kind words. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 25 - 26 |
|
|
chism |
Posted: June 3rd, 2007, 6:26am |
|
|
Posts1053 Posts Per Day 0.16 |
That's cool, man. Just keep writing these awesome scripts.
Matt. |
|
Logged |
|
|
|
Reply: 26 - 26 |
|
Pages: 1, 2 : All |