Thanks for the read Rapture, even though that this isn't exactly your favorite genre (stoner movies). I'm glade you liked it and hope you enjoy American Haze as well.

-Zavier  

My thanks go out to Don for getting the script up. If you enjoyed the first one, then you’ll love the second one. And for those who haven’t read the first, what the hell is wrong with you?

-Zavier

I will read it. Some higher power told me too and I obey authority...........occasionally.

Very seldom do I read about a WIP and actually anticipate its arrival, waiting and waiting for its release.  This was one of them, though, particularly given the interesting team of authors behind it.  These collaborative efforts are some of my favorite things to read, and this one does not disappoint.

It's clever and unique and sometimes a bit lewd and very, very funny, with several laugh out loud moments (my favorites occurred in the rehab clinic).

The scope of this story is much broader than I expected, and the large cast of characters is one pleasant surprise after another.  The tone is somewhat reminiscent of "Team America", and parts of it are every bit as funny as that film if you ask me.

By way of nitpicks, I might point out that it starts a bit abruptly, and I have to break it to you guys that Ecstasy was not around in the days of Garcia and Hendrix -- an easy fix if you change it to LSD.  And I would have liked a little MUSIC while we were at Woodstock.  Hello?  How can you set a piece at Woodstock and not lay a few tunes on us??

But minor complaints aside, you guys blended seamlessly on this one -- although there were several spots where one or the other of you were pretty easy to spot for those familiar with your works.  A very enjoyable piece, guys -- reading this was time well spent.



And SP3...?

Oh yes. Yes it is. Stoned Patriots 2. American Haze..

After reading this I long for a full fledged feature even more.

You two definately took the adventures of the four fathers up a level. The Kim Jong Il thing did remind me quite a bit of Team America, particularly your description of the palace. No problem wiht that though.

I loved the Oval Office scene and the scenes with Bush and Clinton. It was the kind of humor geared at a president I could see a Bush supporter finding some amusement in....well maybe.
One thing I would say is to focus on the relationship between the four father characters more. I found the first was heavey on it and some of it's best laughs came from it. Such as when all the other 3 fathers pick Franklin to get tortured first.

This script was so wacky and out of this world I could see it being produced in the 80s. Better have smokey do that for you guys.



Good luck with the inevitable 3rd stoned patriots. I'll be waiting for it. And I would love to see your talents go into a feature for this.

Thanks for the comments so far; I'll reply to each review in depth later or Wesley could, whenever he has a chance. Unfortunately, my English paper entitled "The Dissection of Ndebele Music through Critical Analysis" is due tomorrow morning. Back to work.

-Zavier  

First off, NiXon should have first bill as he is the creator and I am just a guest in his kitchen.

Bert, so you noticed that wink? I use that, smiles and a few other things a lot. Force of habit I guess. NiXon can tell you about Woodstock if he's got more to say than heh.

I don't think WE (NiXon and I) would ever be able to pull off a feature length screenplay, not because we hate each other or anything but because neither of us have the time right now to put the effort into a huge project. (Also, our other works kind of get in the way.)

Maybe some day he will do it and if I am wanted I'll be there.

I am to blame for bringing in Chris Tucker. Rush Hour was a good franchise until Chris Tucker got dialogue. (Believe it or not that whole scene was a spur of the moment thing when I  seen a preview for Fifth Element.)

I enjoy working with and writing for other people, it is a bonus when the other writer has a similar sense of humour and writes a series.

Quoted from tomson I will read it. Some higher power told me too and I obey authority...........occasionally.

That would be appreciated and thanks to the higher power.

Quoted from bert The tone is somewhat reminiscent of "Team America", and parts of it are every bit as funny as that film if you ask me.

There are a few similarities, but that wasn't really our intention, I think people will see Kim Jong Ill and then think "Team America".

Quoted from bert By way of nitpicks, I might point out that it starts a bit abruptly, and I have to break it to you guys that Ecstasy was not around in the days of Garcia and Hendrix -- an easy fix if you change it to LSD.

That will be in the first revision.

Quoted from bert And I would have liked a little MUSIC while we were at Woodstock.  Hello?  How can you set a piece at Woodstock and not lay a few tunes on us??

There were a few scenes that didn’t make it in, which revolved around the music aspect of Woodstock. The scenes seemed kind of useless at the time and made the Woodstock scenes seem to drag on, so they were left out. They might be cleaned up and appear in the revision.

Quoted from bert And SP3...?

In the works, maybe even this summer but a trip to back Iraqhas to come first.

Quoted from thegardenstate89 It was the kind of humor geared at a president I could see a Bush supporter finding some amusement in....well maybe.

This wasn’t meant to offend Republicans (or Democrats). I hope it didn't. Both Bush and Clinton got their equal share of gabs.

Quoted from James Fields Alright, I'm ready to read and review this baby!

I look forward to your review.

Quoted from James McClung I'll check this out at some point tomorrow. I've been waiting for this for quite some time. Glad to see it's finally up.

Sounds good, I'm glade to see people were actually looking forward to this.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley Maybe some day he will do it and if I am wanted I'll be there.

I'll hold you to that.

Quoted from Old Time Wesley I am to blame for bringing in Chris Tucker. Rush Hour was a good franchise until Chris Tucker got dialogue. (Believe it or not that whole scene was a spur of the moment thing when I seen a preview for Fifth Element.)

My favorite part, so random.


I think that is everyone. Thanks again for the reads so far.

-Zavier

SPOILERS...

This was great! Even better than I expected. I loved the first encounter with Bush and Clinton and the Chris Tucker bit was hillarious as well. And the Smokey/Harry battle was fantastic too. It reminded me of Harry Potter, except here it's Harry Heroin. Didn't see Bin Laden coming. Nice twist.

Very few problems here. The only one that really ticked me off a bit was how willingly the Patriots did the HALO jump. I mean, they're probably pissing their pants just to be more than two stories off the ground, let alone the fact they're all trapped in a gigantic metal contraption that makes a lot of noise and moves faster than a horse. This, I think, needs to be fixed. I'm sure you could make something great out of this.

Good job, guys. I really enjoyed it.

I had no idea what this was going to be about, since I’ve never read any of your stuff before NiXon. I’ve read some of Wesley’s stuff so I had an inkling of what it might be, add to that the absolutely fabulous title, I love it, and it turns out I was right and wrong.

I was right because it was funny and whacky, but wrong because this one was all over the place. I mean that in a very complimentary way. How many people can come up with a story that goes from Woodstock to Osama Bin Laden and it seems plausible.

I agree with Bert about the blaring absence of music and from what I’ve heard there were also a lot of wine drinking, Boone’s Farm for example not just drugs. I think it was also pretty messy and dirty, maybe just add a few things like these to give it a more authentic feel of Woodstock itself.  

At the Oval Office I was thinking “okay, so this is going to be a Bush bashing story”, but I was wrong. No one was spared, everyone was made fun of! I especially liked the Bush, Clinton part. They were great together.

Kim Jong Il being gay? You know, I actually buy that! That was a great touch. You could’ve done even a little more on him, his hair, how he loves himself and has his picture plastered all over that country, not to mention his belief (and telling his citizens) that he is one of the best movie directors in the world and that he is praised for his movies by the rest of the world as well.

In the Hercules, you may want to mention them actually wearing their oxygen masks, including Bell. At 30 000ft there ain’t a lot of oxygen and it’s cold as hell….you know what I mean.

On page 32, Clinton says “I sold some nuclear secrets to the janitor” that was priceless in my opinion, haha.

I like how you dissed France at the end.

There were a few typos here and there, but they were so minor that, who cares?

Great Job!

Quoted from James McClung The only one that really ticked me off a bit was how willingly the Patriots did the HALO jump. I mean, they're probably pissing their pants just to be more than two stories off the ground, let alone the fact they're all trapped in a gigantic metal contraption that makes a lot of noise and moves faster than a horse. This, I think, needs to be fixed. I'm sure you could make something great out of this.

The whole plane scene was kind of required since the time restrictions the characters were on to stop the missile. The revision will have them reacting to the plane in more realistic manner. Oh and sorry for taking so to reply to your review, the script got buried quickly and this is the first time I've noticed it.

And Pia I'm glade you enjoyed it.

Quoted from tomson . In the Hercules, you may want to mention them actually wearing their oxygen masks, including Bell. At 30 000ft there ain’t a lot of oxygen and it’s cold as hell….you know what I mean.

I'll clear this up in the revision along with what James pointed out.

Quoted from tomson I like how you dissed France at the end.

In my opinion, every script has to take at least one jab at France.  

Thanks again.

-Zavier

very funny stuff

I haven't smoked pot for over a year, so I'm not really into it, but I think I know how you spend your weekends

I found one mistake on page six, you have Hamilton say "this people"  I think you ment "these people"

I think it would have been funnier if the "four fathers" freaked out a little more when they transported into the vehichle with Donny the hippie.

I loved the whole $100 bill and $1 bill conversation, I always wondered that myself.

How come there is no mention of BC bud in this? >

all in all in this was a funny, goofy, script that gave me a lot of giggles, not really any huge laughs but I smiled through the whole thing.

I will read part 2 next

Good job

Thanks for the read, glad you enjoyed it.

Quoted from The boy who could fly very funny stuff I loved the whole $100 bill and $1 bill conversation, I always wondered that myself.

I have to give credit to Bert, that was his idea.

-Zavier

ps: You never mentioned what you want Wesley and me to read, this was a review exchange after all.  

just finished this one.

This was one of the few times where the sequel is better than the original, there is some very funny stuff here.

I liked the woodstock opening, but I don't think they did X back then, probably LSD, I ain't 100% sure but I think so.

I did wish we saw more of the hippies at the beggining, I think it rushes a bit, there caould have been a lot of opportunities with the founding fathers at woodstock.

The fight with Jerry Garcia was very funny

The George bush/Cheny/Rumsfield bit was a hoot, for some reason I could really see that happening.

What I liked the most in this script is actually the Bush/Clinton sub plot, I thought that part was strong enough on it's own and could be it's own story.  

Clinton addicted to fat chicks HA   very nice

The scene with Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker, Brett Ratner, and Micheal Jackson was quite funny, but I think if you had Tucker not shut up until he gets shot, that maybe would have been funnier, just have him go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, then BANG, just an Idea.

Page 37 was the biggest laugh for me, I mean the whole page

I liked the France bit, that gave me a giggle or two.

This kind of ended like POTC2, so I am looking forward to the next one.

If I have a major compaint it's that the founding fathers aren't as interesting as the supporting characters around them(which is the case in a lot of movies)  They all have funny moments, but I really couldn't tell them apart, except for maybe Franklin.

All in all this was a very funny script with a lot of big laughs.  Good work

PS: Like the first one, why is there no mention of BC bud >

Quoted Text The scene with Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker, Brett Ratner, and Micheal Jackson was quite funny, but I think if you had Tucker not shut up until he gets shot, that maybe would have been funnier, just have him go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on, then BANG, just an Idea.

If you read my Rush Hour 3 comments you'll understand this more. NiXon added Jackie Chan and I went too far with MJ, Chris Tucker and Brett Rattner.

To be honest I might start killing Chris Tucker in every parody I do from now on to make up for the movies he's made and we had to watch. We all liked Fifth Element but his character... come on, that is an insult to actors. He makes Charlie Sheen look like a star and that is really hard to do.

Will Chris Tucker return in the sequel? I hope NiXon will kill him one more time for me ha-ha

Anyway thanks for the review man, like NiXon said in the other thread did you have anything for us to read? It was for the review exchange and I do have some extra free time.

The thing is, we know Bush, Cheney, Clinton and those guys more so it is easier to understand them. As far as Founding Fathers go I added in some quotes from the real ones which were taken out because they seemed forced.

Maybe using that many characters is in and of itself a harder feat to accomplish total character.