thanks again for the read guys...  i like the idea of the coworker calling to verify her original story at the end... but it makes her duplicit actions a little odd... i'd have to tweak things a little bit to pay it off.. but it might actually be worth it.


Mr Ripley... i just tried opening the script and it worked fine... humm...dunno. might be something on ur end??

Hey Swapjack,

SPOIERS!
I got to open the file. It prob was on my end... darn computers. To the story (this is not in chronological order):
I enjoyed the dialgoue.
I found the last part where he calls her a slut funny.  
I liked how you mixed the two - sex and death together. It reminds me of the 80's or 90'shorror movies like Jason and Micheal.
You have bedroom instead of hall on the second scene.
I think you should take off the warning in your logline since I easily assumed it was going to be Texas Massacre material.
I guess I'm into specific descriptions but I really didn't imagine well the guy choking the girl except when you mentioned she was turning red.
You role reveresed the guy and girl. Making the girl act more like a guy and the guy as a girl. I liked that as well.

All in all, good material. Hope to read more material from you.

Gabe

I also enjoyed it. You seemed very into the story as a writer. As a reader I could see it in my head, thats always a plus.

Check out "The Sling" Let me know what you think.

D.H.

Nothing like a little misogynistic fun on a Sunday night. I was also waiting for a twist at the end, but sadly it didn’t come. I really enjoyed the writing though, and it kept me reading right up to the end (when he spits over the cliff and says “slut”). So cold; nice (slightly demented) touch. I have a tendency to overwrite, and really admire your minimalist approach. I think it works really well for this type of story.