Maggots by Jordan Wiebe (theboywhocouldfly) - Short - One day, out of the blue, something terrible is happening to the planet earth.  Maggots are taking over. 8 pages - pdf, format

Thought I'd check this out. The title is simplistic in a way that makes it appealing. Like Snakes On A Plane, you know exactly what you're going to get. Fortunately, you didn't disappoint.

There doesn't seem to be a solid plot. Instead, a random series of events all connected to the central theme of maggots taking over the world. Normally, this would be a problem but I felt it worked well in the context of the style you're writing. I think as a feature length, this would probably not work but in a bite-sized 8 pages, it works very well. I didn't much care for the toilet scene. It was a bit too raunchy for my tastes. Not that I'm easily offended but poop and fart jokes are so tired nowadays. Can't really complain though. When the teacher vomited maggots in front of her whole class, you basically had me hooked. The dinner scene was just okay though I really liked the bar scene. Nice play on words there. The final scene was my favorite. Not like the rest at all. I felt it had a very dark, apocalyptic feel to it and your descriptions for it were excellent. All in all, a solid, entertaining read with some great splatter. Good job, Jordan.

Thanks for the read James.  Yeah, this would be a disaster as a feature.  I got the idea last week when I went to feed the dogs, and I opened up a can of dog food, there was a hole in it, and when I opened it it was swarming with maggots, I dropped the can and almost gagged, the sight of the maggots and the smell of the dog food almost made me hurl, then I got this idea.  I know this is absolutly disgusting, the grossest thing I have ever written, and the grossest thing I will probably ever write, but I felt I just had to do it.   Anyways, thanks again for the read.

I wanted to check out a quick read and so this one caught my eye...

Basically, it wasn't very good. It "to coin a phrase out of your script" sucked... I see a slew of random events and just a mesh of, absurdly over the top, gore scenes that depict one picture to me ----> "TO DISGUST"

That's about it.

The validity in your point was well received, though. I don't think you wrote this script with Oscar or cohesive in mind and for that it has a leg to stand on, I suppose.

It reminded me of Worms a bit... Only, with 8 minutes of gore.

In closing, you write sharp and everything is laid out well. I think that is what's important in this case.

Hey Jordan,

good work as always!

good dialogues, excellent way to describe the action!

It's always a pleasure to read your work!

Love the bar scene! Really good dialog! And as James said, the apocaliptic end was good! I liked it!

Good writing! Keep it up!

thanks for the reads.

baltis, yeah, this is a gross out script, I was inspired, then I wrote it, I thought about it for a couple of days and it was still stuck in my head, sorry you didn't like it, hopefully my next one will be a lot better

rpedro, glad you liked it, I have never written a plain good ole fashioned gross out script before, some of it even made me a little sick...LOL, but I just, for some reason, felt I needed to write it.

I started with the ending, the worked backwards, and instead of having a usual plot, I decided to put these events together.

thanks again you two for the read.

Hey Jordan, never read anything from you (I think) so I decided to take a look at this one. I read what other posters had to say about this, and agree with some of the comments posted.

I guess I'm standing in the border between Like-it-Land and Hated-it-Land. It starts quite good; the opening is quite grabbing. But after that, it gets repetitive. Characters and locations change, but dramatically, scenes are identical: some funny situation or bits of dialogue between characters, and then maggots start coming out from one of their holes.

Once you establish the maggots are taking over (two scenes would be enough, IMO) you need to work on another angle to keep the reader fully interested (i.e. What was the cause of this attack? A military experiment gone wrong? Alien maggots? Are there any survivors? Why are they inmune?).

Of course, the questions written above are just examples which may or may not interest you. My point is: once you establish the main concept, find another angle to work on to avoid becoming repetitive.

I did enjoy the read though. Some bits of dialogue were quite amusing.

Hope that helps.

Who could resist a title and logline like that?

Well, lots of people, probably.  But not me.

No real spoilers here:

*  I didn't know the capital of Canada haha.  I do now.
*  The bathroom scene was well-written -- for what it was -- with a nice eye to detail.
*  I doubt the news reporters would apologize for interrupting with that kind of breaking news.  The drunks were pretty funny, though.  "Faggots" the guy says.  I laughed at that.

This is little more than a series of vignettes, so as far as story structure, I don't have much for you.  But you know what?  I did like this one -- even though I really couldn't tell you why.

  

Jordan,

This is wacked.
Not a story per se, but as Bert mentioned, a series of vignettes.
Taking it in that context, it was a quick, fun and nasty read.
I liked the school scene best, probably because I didn't know what the puke was happening.
Till it got down and dirty.
Plus we stayed with that scene a bit and I could really get into the students' dilemma.
I'm sure this was more exercise than anything else, but are you planning to develop this?

I also liked the bar scene and some of the dialogue between the drunks.
And that maggot-blowout going on around the drunks.
For what you intended, it was a slippery, skid-mark stained ride.  
And the lesson I learned at the dinner table -- Watch the swearing and protect thy nuts.
Haha and cough cough.

Thanks for the read you guys.

Yeah Mr. Z, I figured this was a like it or hate it, this is definatly not for all tastes, but I am glad you were able to like some of it

Bert, I figured I wouldn't hide what it's about, the title says it all, I'm sure it will attract some and turn off more.  Shame shame for not knowing the capital of Canada  >--just kidding, most people outside of Canada don't, that was my little geography lesson for the script, you get grossed out, but you learn something, I think this should be read in schools all across the united states

Abe, I never planned on making this into a feature, I think it would be pretty hard since the villians(the maggots) have no real personality and it would just drag on, but I did think it worked for a short.

I did have some other scenes in there which I took out, one was too similar to the remake of the fly, and if you've seen it then you know exactly which scene I'm refering to, but instead of one maggot, it was gonna be hundres of thousands of them, it was either that scene or the dinner scene, I went with the dinner scene becasue it kinda made me laugh, that conversation is actually a real one, when I was like 10 or 11 I tripped and accidntaly grabed this girls tits, then she kneed me right in the nuts, damn that hurt, so I decided to put that little story in here.

thanks again for the reads you guys

Hey Jordan this was awesome!  

Lots of fun gore and toilet humor here and your descriptions are fearless. I don't think I've read anything on here that actually mentioned the skidmarks.  The gore was great, the dialogue was excellent, if only everything here could have been weaved together then that would of really made this a complete piece.

A couple criticisms,
*You don't need to give the anchors an age.  They're minor characters and stuff, plus to be an anchor then you're an adult, so the age isn't really necessary.
*At first I was skeptical about using "thousands of maggots" but after your conclusion I retract my statement.
*Along with having the maggots take over the world, I think it would have been cooler to have a reason.  Something simple but clever, like if you don't wipe your ass well enough then you'll be infected.  It's gross, funny, kinda fits with the story haha.

Overall it was immensely entertaining!  I was cracking up all the way through.  Nothin' like a comedy with fat guys taking craps, skidmarks and maggots eating everybody.  Truly awesome work  

Hey Jordan,
I've never read anything of yours before, I don't think, so I had no clue what this would be like. Your format was good enough to me and there were not too many typos.

SPOILERS:

I thought the classroom scene was pretty good and I was happily reading along. Then came the restroom scene and I have to be honest with you, that one did not work for me. I'm not into bathroom humor I guess. I think the only time I've laughed at something along those lines was watching Dumb & Dumber.

The dinner scene was better than the restroom scene, but the characters (except for the mom) were quite unpleasant so I didn't really care what happened to them. I have to say though, I did kind of enjoy the eyeballs being pushed out of their sockets by the maggots.

I wasn't too crazy about the gore on the television, seemed a little over the top.

Not too bad for a short though, you did succeed with grossing me out and I think that was your intention.

Thanks for the read you two

Greg, I been trying to think of a way that the maggot infestation started, something in the food suply or some kind of sexualy transmitted desiese, (but then how would the kids get it, most kids aren't having sex, well at least I hope not), when I re-write this I will try and come up with a better explanation.  Glad you enjoyed it

Pia, you read my other short, the one with the gangsters and the kid with IBS.  I know the resstroom scene was gross, probably one of the grossest things written on this site, I just wanted to see how far I could go, I did hold back a little, it was even a little more disgusting(if that's possible)

thanks again for the reads

Hey Jordan,


SPOILERS




This one left me scratching my head. I think it needs a beginning.... Maybe a landfill nearby with an infestation of flys. Maybe show the flys landing on people as they sleep or maybe they're at the grocery store, walking all over food... I don't know.
Although you showed each character's infestation in a different way, the people around them only screamed...  I think I would split, and do it quick.

On the other hand, the format as I remember, was pretty good, and the dialogue was entertaining.

I just would have liked to known why this was all happening so I could feel a sense of completion at the end.  

Cindy

Thanks for the read Cindy.

I know it really doesn't have a beginning, I just kinda wanted to start it off with a Bang, maybe if I had the teacher like swatting flies while she's talking to the class or something, I'll try and figure something out.

Thanks again

Hi Jordan,

I finally read Maggots. Weird but nice. It looked like a long feture teaser to me. I really wanted to know what could happen afterward. As everybody, the dialog in the bar made me laugh. A question remains anyway: do you need to be a drunkar to not being affected by the maggots?

You did a good job

Michel

Hey Michel, thanks for the read, and no, you do not have to be a drunkard to not be affected, I just didn't stay on that scene long enough, cause sooner or later they would have exploded.  I WAS considering an ending, like after what looks like the end of the earth, have those two drunks still sitting in the bar, I thought that would have been funny, but I decided to go with the apocolypitc ending instead.

Thanks again for the read

Jordan, just got through reading this.

I like the concept of the story, but i really  don't think it works as a short, because at the moment all it is - is a gross, fun little read, but thats it.
I found myself wanting answers, such as "Where'd the maggots come from?" "Was there anyone that was immune and tried to wipe out the threat?"
Don't get me wrong, i enjoyed this. My favourite scene being when the maggots burst out of Little Bill's eyes.

I really think you could make an entertaining feature out of this.(Maggots on a Plane? Well, mayabe we should wait and see how good, "Snakes on a Pane" turns out)Overall i really like the concept, but i really do believe this would work well as a feature. Just some food for thought.

Robert

Ha, maggots ruling the Earth, what a concept...

It was a fun read. Very funny actually. Everything was set out nicely and you did a very good job with descriptions and dialogue.

The only thing for me was after reading AND during I just had to itch my head and hair. Eeek!! I hate little things like that, especially thinking of them in my long hair... not to mention coming out of my mouth Good script anyway. Crazy and hilarious but good.

thanks Bates and GravyBoatMan for the reads.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Bates, I am not sure if this would work as a feature, maybe as an animated feature, kinda like ants, just with maggots instead, then you could give these little white Devil's personalities.

Gravyboatman, I hate it when shit like that happens to me to, our house is surrounded by woods and when I'm going for a hike and walking through bushes and shit, I got little creatures all over me, they get in my hair, down my shirt, crawling all over me, but I'm used to that.

thanks again you two for the read

This script was cool, gross and funny.

The format was good, your scenes were the grossests things I have ever read. My facorite part was the bathroom part, very funny and disgusting.

Keep up the good work

thank you Alien man for the read.  Glad you liked

Now this was my kind of script, Jordan! Sick and twisted and it had a great ending! Well, I thought it wasn't going to be as disgusting as you said it was, but as I was reading, I began to squirm uncomfortably, and it takes a lot to make me do that.

Great job, but everything just seemed to go by so fast! Lol everywhere it was just: Maggots begin pouring out of his stomach and thousands more fall out of her mouth.

Great job!

Sean

Gore is good in my book, and my book is visited often.

Jordan, once again, you have created a monster that can look beautiful. You made me laugh at the second scene of maggots. Some dude sittin' on the toilet fartin' and he looks down to see bloody poop. That's disgusting...

This is gore fest. I loved it. I'm sure anyone who likes bloody messes, puking, and pooping odd things, this is for you.

No grammar issues, no spelling issues, no problems overall.

Will we find out where the maggots came from? Or did I just miss it?

Hey,

Nice script. But where did they come from, how did everyone get infected?

You story starts off good and everyone is dying from the Maggoys but with out knowing where they come from or anything there is no story,  Add these parts and re- post this script I will read it, I have to know what is going on.

Dan

Thanks for the read Sean, glad I could make you squirm

James, I'm glad you liked it.  I know I didn't give any answers, I just had it like it just happened no reason, I thought it would be cooler that way, anyways, thanks for the read.

Thanks for the comments Dan, I may try a flesh this out a little when I am finished with my other script, but that may be a while, but thank you for the read

Sounds good,

Can't wait for your re-write

Dan

I think when I re-write this I will change the title to Maggots: Reloaded

Well...That was different  

I liked this for some odd reason.  

Okay yeah some questions obviously pop into your head like ~ where the Hell did the maggots come from and how did they get into the body ~ but meh.

I could have done without the whole bathroom scene.  It just didn't seem to really fit with the rest of the short.

The eyeballs popping out of the kids head was a great visual.

The best scene by far had to be the bar scene with the drunks.

I laughed a couple of times reading this and I hope that's what you were going for.

At any rate it had gore, nasty visuals and some clever lines.

I dug it.

Thanks for the read, and yeah, I wanted people to laugh at some of the stuff, this was my one time jab at a vomitorium, glad you liked it, sorry about no explanation, I didn't feel at the time that I needed one, maybe I will go ahead and change that.  Thanks again for the read.

PS: I'm meeting Andy on friday in Vancouver, she seems really cool

Hey Jordan I just finished to read your "infested" script - hehe!

As someone here said it was well written, - action and dialogues - the drunkers' were my favorites lines.

But I have to say that it seemed to be a unfineshed story. How and why? I think after the last scene when we know the sky is infested by millions of flyes you have to cut to a hero in another city that wasn't contamineted yet by the flyes and the hero will fight to exterminate them and we will keep one's finger crossed for him to succeed. Now I think you will have a good story!

By the way, I was dinnering when I read this disgusted script, Huuuugoooo!!

PS Just one sugestion: how about a hero with a sindrome of fear like Indiana Jones with snakes? The hero has fear of maggots.

thanks for the read Helio

Yeah, this isn't the best script to read while you are dinnering, I hope you weren't eating rice

and on the ending, the whole world is infested, nobody lives, at least that's what I tried to imply, I was gonna have like the 2 drunks still alive sitting at the bar, but I felt that didn't work.

thanks again for the read

Toilet humour didn't work for me.  I don't have anything to say about the rest, really.  It was entertaining as a script.  I wouldn't make it through as a film unless the direction and makeup were really good.    

Glad that you had correct format, grammar, spelling, etc.  You picked something and went with it, and it looks like you entertained a lot of people.  Good work!

Thanks for the read, Glad you like most of it.  I know the toilet scene is sick, but to be honest it is probably my favorite scene because I have never written anything so gross and disgusting before

anyways. thanks again

This was disgusting, repulsive, and offensive...so I loved it. I thought it was really funny and disgusting. there's not much of an overall story or main characters, just different cases of the maggots coming out, so there should be both an explanation and a/some main characters trying to fight it. So, it can be expounded upon if you choose to, though I doubt you will.

Yeah, but very entertaining for seven pages and it moved very quickly. the fat guy with the hershey squirts, the faggots/maggots remark, and little billy's foul mouth and story all very funny stuff. I could tell you had a lot of fun writing this.

Thanks for the Bump Steven, glad you liked this one.

I gotta kick out of writing this, it was a lot of fun to See how far out there and how gross I could go.

This may also be animated some time.  My friend is going into animation and he thought it would be fun to do this one. So if it ever happens I'll be sue to post it if it isn't to disgusting...LOL

Thanks again, and Mittens is next on my list

Nice short. Disgusting and kinda disturbing. But I was weirded out more by Spoiled. That was just out of the freaking ball park disturbing.

I had a blast reading this. Sure looks like the kinda script that was really funny to write as well. Good work.


Cheers, Chismeister.

Thanks for the read Chisem, glad you found it disgusting, maybe I should have some incest maggot scenes, get the best of both worlds....LOL

Thanks again for the read.

Hey Jordan

I know this has been up a while but I thought I'd give it a read and review.

I found that you introduced Mrs Wilkerson well but skimmed over Little Bill and his parents.  The Fat man scene was pretty disgusting but I don't know if I'd use words like 'fart', 'tighty whities' and 'trumpets out..'.  These are very funny descriptions but I don't think serious enough for scripts (shame though cos I laughed at them).

A lot of people might say they want to know why this is happening and what happened next but for me I liked it as it is, short and sweet...in revolting way.  Nice.

Not sure about the drunks dialogue 'we gotta find a different place'.

Overall an enjoyable and quick read.  Loved the end image.

Good stuff.

Thanks for the read Alffy, glad you liked it.

I tried to write this more comical that serious cause the subject matter is, well, it is what it is...LOL

Thanks again for the read

Quoted from The boy who could fly Thanks for the read Chisem, glad you found it disgusting, maybe I should have some incest maggot scenes, get the best of both worlds....LOL Thanks again for the read.

Oh Jesus Christ. You absolutely have to do that. Do you have any idea how freaking awesome incestuous maggots would be? I'd pay to see that.


Cheers, Chismeister.

that would probably be the most disgusting thing ever, so yeah, if anyone should, it should be me

That first scene was so cool, man. If filmed that could be so visually nasty and fun for the viewers.

And the second scene with the Fat Man, no matter how childish that was I actually could not stop laughing. All the unnecessary detail had me cracking up. “Accompanied by two farts, one high pitch, the other a low grumble.” – HA!

On page five till has something to do with like gardening. Until is the word you’re looking for.

Little Bill and Big Bill family was pretty funny. The whole kicked in the nuts thing was amusing.

I can imagine you having a blast writing this. It was a nasty, gross, disgusting, foul story, that I really liked so good job.

Good Luck!

Gory, over the top, and extremly funny! This is a very entertaining script. A little bit on the gross side, but that's fine with me! I loved the scene with Little Billy and his parents. It was hilarious!!! Good job and keep up the good work. 8 out of 10

Thanks for the reads Tyler and Zack, glad you liked this sick little tale.  I hope it made your stomach turn just a little bit

Thanks again.