Hey Michel, this was a neat little story, but I have to admit I didn't understand all of it, but after reading some other posts here I get it now.

A few grammer problems here.

on page 2 you write "He lifts it and enters the room looking like a child bedroom, only lighted by a candle and a saucer"

a better way maybe " He lifts it and enters a child's bedroom, which is lit only by a candle"

also on page 2 you write "he puts the tank on the floor and steps to a child blue bicycle"

another way would be " He puts the tank on the floor and steps towards a blue children's bicycle"

I thought you had some very good desciptions here, and an erie mood.

It was a decent read all in all, and now looking back on it, it makes a little more sense.

anyways hope this hepls.  Keep up the writing

Hi "boy"

Thanks for you review. It'll help. I'll try now to write clearest scripts. You're not the only who didn't get it, don't worry.

Michel

Hi everyone!

just let you know that "Anyone There?" has just been produced in the USA as "Awake" by Brandon Ford. I'll keep you posted as soon as I'll have further details.

Michel

Michel...

Well congrats is in order.  Always good to hear news like this.  Where have you been hiding?

Ghostie

Hey Michel,

congrats on getting this one produced. thats always a good feeling (as long as they stick to your vision mind you).

as far as the script was concerned, i thought it was okay. nothing too original or ground breaking by any means, but you have a vision and you portrayed it well on paper. unfortunately that vision is a little unclear to the audience (as several people have already stated). EVERYTHING in a script has to have a point. every action, dialogue, prop, etc must be relevant to the script's overall theme. in this short, it was hard to figure out what had meaning and what didnt. quite frankly, i dont think you know either. my advice? to lengthen the script yet make it more concentrated. focusing on someone's life and death is a bit too generic and overdone

I don't get the gas can part. It doesn't connect to anything other than his 'finding' the house.

Nicely written for the most part. There seems like there might be some language issues. Is English your first language? I only ask because some of the sentence structure struck me as a tad off. No biggie but you might have a second look at it anyway.

I figured out he was looking at his past and that he was dead buy missed the metaphor about not being able to leave the room. Also, was he trying to set the place on fire? I got a bit confused at the end.

But it was a good smooth read. Nice writing.

Michel,

Good on you for the production credit. You should be proud.
Would you care to elaborate on how this came together?

Your script is four pages, the film is seven minutes.
Did you work with Brandon at any stage of the production?

Best of luck and congrats!

Regards,
E.D.

I didn't work with Brandon. I let him work on his own. After he posted the first minutes of the short on thye net, I tried to convince him to stay in one direction but he didn't. As for the title I was not convinced with. But never mind, I've got credit.

And it's not finished yet......

Michel

Hello Michel,

Congratulations on this!

My take on this is that the guy is officially dead, but his mind has conjured up an idea to make himself "think" he's only out of gas because he can't face the truth.

Sandra

And the winner is............... Sandra!!!!