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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Scripts  ›  A Woman Scorned Moderators: bert
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Mr.Ripley
Posted: August 5th, 2006, 10:30pm Report to Moderator
January Project Group


Writing

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Wow. The story was great. There was a few grammatical problems but nothing too serious. The dialgoue flowed well. I enjoyed the whole concept. This was a beautiful masterpiece. Congrats on a fine job anonymous person.  


Just Murdered by Sean Elwood (Zombie Sean) and Gabriel Moronta (Mr. Ripley) - (Dark Comedy, Horror) All is fair in love and war. A hopeless romantic gay man resorts to bloodshed to win the coveted position of Bridesmaid. 99 pages.
https://www.simplyscripts.net/cgi-bin/Blah/Blah.pl?b-comedy/m-1624410571/
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greg
Posted: August 6th, 2006, 4:09pm Report to Moderator
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Oh Hi

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Okay, this is the second one I read which had somebody feeding their spouse to other people...is this saying something about the group of people on SS?  Hahaha.

A solid entry. Not much to complain about, except, in my opinion, you could have taken out some of the characters.  It's only 8 pages and you have alot of characters in here in addition to Helen--Kim, Dan, Marge, Jack, a brief appearance by John--I think it could have been limited to Jack and Kim since they had key lines.

It's sad, in a gross sort of way.  Helen is abused for all this time and when she takes her revenge she's going to jail for the rest of her life.  Saddening, but again, gross.  So overall I liked this story alot.  Very well written, fantastic dialogue and another hardcore twist ending.  Nice!


Be excellent to each other
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George Willson
Posted: August 9th, 2006, 12:01am Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients


Doctor who? Yes, quite right.

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Thanks to all who this one and gave some thoughts on it. This one took me a bit longer than the other one (2 hours) because I had to revise portions of it that didn't work. Had to rework some dialogue, etc here and there. I also went back and answered the question as to why she did this to her husband, but failed to answer why she served him up to her family. My bad. I'll take the suggestions into consideration if I rewrite it.


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James McClung
Posted: August 10th, 2006, 2:53pm Report to Moderator
Of The Ancients



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This was somewhat of a disappointment but a good read nevertheless. I guess I was just expecting something more shocking. Granted this was shocking but I read the same thing in Babra-Que.

Nevertheless, I thought this was a very well written piece. There was a very strong build, which I love. I kept on reading with growing anticipation, wondering what was going to happen next and you continued to up the anti until the climax. I think this was the strongest aspect of your script. I also liked how you to a typical horror convention and put it into a dramatic context. It wasn't Helen killing her husband and serving him to her barbeque guests that was the focus of the story but rather the impact it had upon the people involved. I thought this was very well done.

All in all, another good read from you, although I think I liked your other script better. I think it was stronger in the context of the challenge and also packed more of an emotional wallop. Horror's my thing, I'll admit, but if I go into something expecting to get a drama, I'll be more satisfied by something like When It's Over than this.

Anyway, it's tough to write a script in one week and you wrote two. I think that's a testament to your talent. Good job on both scripts, George.


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Mecir
Posted: August 19th, 2006, 8:56pm Report to Moderator
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It's a nice read. Good job.

Nuances are good if they help in character development. Here are some things that were never explained. If they're intentional, I don't see what they add.
1) What would John have said? Does he know anything that everybody didn't know? Is he just a guest at the party?
2) Is Harry different now? how?
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