Alffy... Yeah Tasmania is seen as "The Holiday Island". Population of just over half a million. Glad you had no problems with Tasmania. Thanks for the comments mate.

Sniper... Mary is a looker! Bit annoyed you have stolen her, but oh well. I get your points about not enough conflict. I'm writing the second draft at the moment, and there are more characters, including a guy who stops them leaving. He also sabotages the boat as well.
In relation to your comments about leaving, I have taken a good idea from Tim, that the bandicoots want to go to Schoolies Week on the mainland. So that justifies them wanting to leave so much.
Yeah they have tried to leave a few times before, I tried to show that, but I will make it clearer in the next draft.

Thanks for the read, and your feedback

Tommy,

This is the first animated script I have read, so am unsure what to expect.

The first page is very well-written. You then got me laughing out loud with:

Quoted Text TOOT Umm, well we are leaving. Twig and I. Me and Twig? What’s the correct english? I never know. It doesn’t even matter anyway. But we are leaving this... this... Toot pauses, tries to find the right word. TWIG Shithole.

Bang goes the Disney deal, right?

I see that your avatar is Ricky Gervais, who is an absolute diamond. The influence is very obvious here, which is a lovely piece of writing, btw - very visual in my mind:

Quoted Text The Mother playfully pokes the baby’s nose. The baby suddenly vomits on itself. The Mother stares at the camera. Awkward pause. The Camera Man clears his throat O.S.

Onto page 4, and the relationship between Twig and Toot is very interesting. The 'documentary' just gives an extra level of humour to events. Very nice to this point.

This is a breeze to read, and I am loving the constant nods - intentional or not - to 'The Office'. Haven't seen the American version, but I can just see the British one here. The Coke scene was great, as was this:

Quoted Text CAMERA MAN What are you excited about seeing on the mainland? TOOT Umm, the nightlife. The hustle and bustle, you know? Also the harbour bridge at some point, that Big Ben clock - TWIG That’s not on the mainland. 6. TOOT Isn’t it? You sure? TWIG Yeah. Pause. TOOT (to camera man) We can edit that bit out yeah? I just don’t wanna come across as dumb on the camera...

Lovely little scene with the Female Bandicoot. Very amusing.

Not being familiar with Tasmania, I was intrigued as to how this would play out for me, but in a nutshell - it didn't have any impact at all.

This feels like animation for adults, and I would absolutely love to see a produced version of this. You've crafted two great characters in Twig and Toot, and the obvious influence of Gervais benefits it further.

Great work.

Andrew

Hey Andrew, thanks for the review. I'm sorry for the late reply, I just realised you posted this, today... my bad.

Yeah, Gervias is a big influence on all the comedy I do, and this is no exception.

Thanks for all the kind words. I think I will get back to work on the draft now