Hey Matt,

Well, you certainly painted a picture in one page. I think your explanation for this script interested me more than the script itself.The randomness of death is definitely something to think about. And while you're guilty of overwriting (mostly just your first paragraph describing the city), I think you have a solid voice as a writer. I'd like to see more from you.

One thing I want to say about the script is that I thought it was funny how the entire city is basically in ruins, but the bus system still seems to be working. Keep writing.

Chris

Thank you everyone for your gentle, understated hatred. The fact that you took the time to sugar coat your negative reviews is very much appreciated.

The biggest question (aside from why I would bother with a script like this) seems to be why I spent so much time describing the city when it goes nowhere. The answer is simple. To show off. I had a description in my head and wanted to put it in because I thought it sounded good. I'm not proud of it, but I'm only human. And this is basically the only thing I have a knack for, so I thought what the hell.

Hopefully in the near future I'll have a script with good descriptions that's actually worth reading. Your suggestions are much appreciated and will be taken into account, even though I really doubt I'll be doing an updated version of this particular script.

Thank you all, again!

After reading your one pager last night and was inspired to write one myself. I don't normally do shorts or super shorts, so thanks.

What's funny is the only other one pager I have ever done was right after I started here. Everybody and I mean EVERYBODY said WTF????

After I explained it to them, some got it, others still was looking at me like my head was on fire.

Thanks Matt and have a great night.

Shawn.....><

Quoted from Matt Chisholm Thank you everyone for your gentle, understated hatred.

Hang on. You jest right? Plenty of encouragement from what I can see.

Quoted from Matt Chisholm The biggest question (aside from why I would bother with a script like this) seems to be why I spent so much time describing the city when it goes nowhere. The answer is simple. To show off.

I for one really enjoy reading description when it's done well. As did a few of us with refined sensibilities.   You do/did it bloody well. Perhaps I neglected to say so in my first post... sorry. White space - yes, where possible, but at the beg. of a script it sets the tone, mood, puts a clear visual image in the reader's head. Pro's do it all time. Mr Z, Ren, and a few others are praised for it. You shoulda been too imo.

Quoted from Matt Chisholm And this is basically the only thing I have a knack for, so I thought what the hell.

You do, so keep doing it. I disagree with the maj. re this.

Quoted from Matt Chisholm Hopefully in the near future I'll have a script with good descriptions  I really doubt I'll be doing an updated version of this particular script.

You have, so you should - redo and re-post, I mean. A few, like McC offered suggestions. Gwon', Gwon' do it!

Hi Matthew,

I think your extremely visual description is about as good as it gets for what can be written in one page.  I read it over 3 times to fully absorb it.  Excellent writing.

For some reason, I chuckled a little when the guy got hit with lightening. In a good way. It was just so unexpected. Maybe I have a demented sense of humor.

But I can relate to the message you're trying to send.  Great.

LedBetter, you're very welcome. I am pretty great at whatever it is you said I did.

LC, indeed I do jest. I am aware and appreciative of the helpful feedback I've gotten on this. I'm surprised everyone didn't just dismiss it as a big jerk off. I'm very grateful.

Gavin, thanks for the kind words. I've always loved writers who go into tremendous, wordy detail with their descriptions. I know a lot of people don't like it when they're that long but I've always thought it helped set a mood. I was trying to emulate that.

Thanks again, everyone!