Quoted from jnave Well done cute (can I say cute?) little story.  Very easy to read.  Crisp writing, good descriptions, real-sounding dialog.

Yeah, I think cute is fine.  

Quoted from jnave I also thought the kid gave in a little too easily, but if his idea was to stick it to the bully, mission accomplished.

He didn't plan on sticking it to him, it was mainly because it was 3 against 1 (seeing as Andrew was non-existent).

Quoted from jnave Thanks for posting.

Thank you for reading.

Matthew, as I'm sure you've been told multiple times in the 3 pages of feedback, this was really good.

Really short scripts like this are often hard to pull off because they can either seem rushed with no character development, or they can seem pointless - as if they belong within a larger story. But not this. By using familiar character types and having a beginning, middle, and an end, this piece really stands on its own while also feeling like these characters could be part of a bigger story.

Your descriptions were excellent and the dialogue was spot on for what this is and makes me look forward to reading some longer work by you.

Great job.

Hey Matt,

Like everyone else, I think this one was pretty cute.  (I was actually thinking Michael might pick up the starting line stick and jam it into the spokes myself), but I like the way you went with it.

I liked your opening line, too.  'Overcast skies hint of storms to come while the puddles and glistening gravel hint of storms past.'  I suppose people are going to say that it's over-written, but I like it.  I think writing like that adds a uniqueness and makes the writer stand out more.

I'm a moron.  I didn't even get the 'Give Me a Break' thing until I read it in a post.  (It's late, but that's not an excuse for me not to be thinking.)  That was clever.

This whole 'orphan' thing I've been hearing people talk about lately is kind of confusing and irritating.  One minute, somebody's bitching that there's not enough 'white' on the paper, the next minute, somebody's bitching that a word's not jammed up to make the action look more blocky and smushed together.

Anyway, really good job on the story.  And I'm sorry for saying the b-word twice in this response to your G-rated script.  If you want, I can go back and edit it for you.  :-)

- Mark

Quoted from Elmer Matthew, as I'm sure you've been told multiple times in the 3 pages of feedback, this was really good.  Your descriptions were excellent and the dialogue was spot on for what this is and makes me look forward to reading some longer work by you.

Thanks Elmer. I really appreciate it.  I'll make sure to check out your short.

Quoted from rc1107 Like everyone else, I think this one was pretty cute.  (I was actually thinking Michael might pick up the starting line stick and jam it into the spokes myself), but I like the way you went with it.

Thanks Mark.  Yeah, I get the feeling that, if this were made, parents wouldn't be too happy with the moral of that ending.  

Quoted from rc1107 This whole 'orphan' thing I've been hearing people talk about lately is kind of confusing and irritating.  One minute, somebody's bitching that there's not enough 'white' on the paper, the next minute, somebody's bitching that a word's not jammed up to make the action look more blocky and smushed together.

Screenwriting format is weird.  There's an endless number of "rules", but in the end, it's about making it a slick read.  Do that, and no one will really question the little things.
--
Thanks again for the read, Mark.  I'll make sure to check out one of your shorts.

WES
Don’t tell me what I want. Only I
tell me what I don’t want. - love this line.

Would've liked a more descriptive description( yes, you read correct)  of where the end of the race was before they start.

Ha! damn fine show! Loved it. Maybe because I was the arse usually stealing the other kids bikes. I love watching a bully get whats coming to them.

Fine writing, overall....

James