For the life in me, I don't understand the reoccurring gorgon of having to reread a line or sequence twice to understand what's happening.

If the sequence is at all comprehensible and can translate to screen ("What I meant vs What I said") then it should be a non-issue issue.

A beautifully told story that is boring as dirt shouldn't be graded higher than a somewhat convoluted but ultimately decent story.
However, the former seems to garner more appreciation by a wide margin than the latter.
Grrr...

I thought this was really well done, Khamanna,

Kids want to fit in and in an old school kind of way, this depicts homeschooling the way it was before the generation of the internet and Facebook. What do we call the generation now? The Z generation?

Had to read this by the title because the interesting thing about this to me is the fact that my kids (all grown up now) were homeschooled and we really were pioneers for virtual learning through computers, also working with professionals and doing the Alberta based curriculum and governmental tests alongside community volunteer work and working in cadet programs that gave opportunity to travel overseas.

I think, depending upon where you live in the world today, "homeschooled" now, has a completely different identity. It's often now realized through virtual programs and I believe there are also now mixed virtual/physical classes.

Anyways, this story feels like it pins homeschooled as negative thing and I feel like it's a bit old from that side of things, like 1970s before internet etc...

Perhaps in this particular story, the boy is painted as somewhat of an outcast, because what he is doing is different, but is he shown in the light of his powers at all? No. The reason being, that's well, the end of the story.

It might be interesting to show the boy as head and shoulders above his peers, a much better specimen of the human condition first, by comparison, but then... We learn, it's not enough to be great. It's not enough to even have superior powers. He wants to feel accepted.

So how does he go about doing this? He keeps his powers a secret. He acts clumsy and stupid, (by his standards) like he knows little and "belongs". In short, dumbs himself down.

Some thoughts for something you might like to try.

As it stands though, I think you did a fine job.  

Sandra

Thanks, Sandra for the read.
I see how it pins "homeschooled" as a negative thing. This and my other story for some reason. The thing is I wanted to homeschool my daughter too, then decided against it for different reasons - the truth is, in no way I see it as a bad thing. It's different, true, but there's much good from being homeschooled - you're moving at your own level, deciding on the curriculum and parents know better than teachers...

Here, I think it's homeschooling a boy who has special powers - therefore it's homeschooling a "special" boy which is very different to homeschooling just anybody. This boy wants to fit in.


My other short "Missing School" is about homeschooling too for some reason - if you read that one, you'll think I'm preaching. I don't know how that thought escaped me, I know it's probably not 100% ethical to show homeschooling from only this perspective but I'm writing about homeschooling "handicapped" and "special" and I'm thinking that's different.
If the kid is being homeschooled for the physical deficiency (or super efficiency in this case) then it's not entirely right, I think. And that's where this short came from.
Like I said I was going to homeschool my own daughter, I think if anything it's better education for sure. I looked through the books etc.

Now I have to write two stories about homeschooling being a good thing to make things even
Thanks again, Sandra

I think it's an excellent topic to write on-- more so today. Also, I think it's important (for now) to be working in some kind of curriculum framework that is on par with world standards in effective learning communities.

In Austria, where one of my daughters is working as an au pair, their high school finishes when they're 16, or our grade 10. Then, they either go into more of the trades type of work or what is called Mature School.

If you can afford it, probably the very best is a combination of tutors, virtual and community programs in the arts, sciences etc... The old hold, (pardon my rhyme  ) that strictly public governmental schools had on education is being challenged by people who want the freedom to choose better opportunities for their children. Whether the children are extremely gifted, need specific types of programs, or have particular handicaps and disabilities-- I think that schooling for the masses is something that families with higher incomes and social status are likely to shun because they know they can do better.

Unfortunately, better schooling and health care are something that money can buy, and many people still haven't taken the reigns in this regard because they just don't have the finances; however, the option is to work like the carpool idea, building learning co-ops with professionals and tradespeople.

My daughter, Lindsay, is currently on a full scholarship at Xi'an Jiao-Tong University in China. She's on a full scholarship and has been very successful in her learning endeavors. She was homeschooled firstly, because she wasn't permitted to read ahead. That, I thought sucked the big banana and so we said farewell to old school.  

I will be keen on your work in this vein because I think, since you are showing a passion here, that you should stick with it. There's a reason why you're writing in this topic so keep up the good work! It's a loaded subject!

Sandra

Hey Khamanna,

I saw the title for this the other day and downloaded it just because the title clicked with me for some reason.  I didn't even know who wrote it until I saw your name when I looked this afternoon to read it.  It's definately a good title.

(The story wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be about.  I thought it was going to be more of a drama.)

All in all, it was a pretty interesting story and an intriguing concept, but it did leave me confused in certain areas.  Reading it through a second time helped clear things up a little bit for me, but there's still some things I'm unsure about.

The main thing was what exactly were Parker's powers?  I understood that he was able to talk with Ben through telekinesis, but I don't understand what had happened with Ben's sister.

I got that Irene was bleeding and vomited, but I'm not connecting how or why Parker would choose to do that to her.  And I don't understand the connection between Ben and the fake blood and fake vomit and why Irene was found in the same manner, but the blood and puke was real.

I also don't understand the initiation or how that was an initiation.  To me, it just kind of came off a little like a lazy game of hide and seek.

But like I said, there is definately an interesting premise with Parker's character here, I think he just needs to be outlined and defined a little more as to what exactly all he can do so we're able to understand a little bit more what exactly is happening and the connections between them.

Hope this helps a little bit, Khamanna.

- Mark

Quoted from rc1107 Hey Khamanna, I saw the title for this the other day and downloaded it just because the title clicked with me for some reason.  I didn't even know who wrote it until I saw your name when I looked this afternoon to read it.  It's definately a good title. (The story wasn't at all what I thought it was going to be about.  I thought it was going to be more of a drama.) All in all, it was a pretty interesting story and an intriguing concept, but it did leave me confused in certain areas.  Reading it through a second time helped clear things up a little bit for me, but there's still some things I'm unsure about. The main thing was what exactly were Parker's powers?  I understood that he was able to talk with Ben through telekinesis, but I don't understand what had happened with Ben's sister. I got that Irene was bleeding and vomited, but I'm not connecting how or why Parker would choose to do that to her.  And I don't understand the connection between Ben and the fake blood and fake vomit and why Irene was found in the same manner, but the blood and puke was real. I also don't understand the initiation or how that was an initiation.  To me, it just kind of came off a little like a lazy game of hide and seek. But like I said, there is definately an interesting premise with Parker's character here, I think he just needs to be outlined and defined a little more as to what exactly all he can do so we're able to understand a little bit more what exactly is happening and the connections between them. Hope this helps a little bit, Khamanna. - Mark

Mark, I think you're correct. Although I just saw it as typical child's kinduv play. Like kids just do prank stuff and I say it as that, but there is a bit of lack of connection with what happened to the girl and what Parker's buddy did.

Okay, I'm gonna come clean now in Khamanna's thread with what I did as kid in school. Maybe THAT'S what school is good for. Pranks!

We had a lady who was the (can't remember the name of her job description) but she supervised the kids on recess and lunch. Well, brilliant me developed a game I called Wild goose chase". We'd say that there was some fight going on here or there, or some kind of incident. Squashed sandwich and someone was without lunch-- whatever, but none of it was real. G-d bless her heart. I guess G-d thought she needed exercise; so she invented me.  ;D

Ah but we did a lot of good stuff, too. Stayed after school to help teachers and such. Got purposeful detentions so I could get a ride home with my teacher who I was in love with. He was an amazing man. Too bad I didn't live in one of those countries where that kind of thing was acceptable. He was a very wonderful man. Ah-- enough. Putting bad thoughts into youngins heads. You know, there really is a lot of truth in Time Traveler's Wife.

Sandra

Thanks Mark.

Parkers brain (unknowingly) made Irene nose bleed - there were the drops of blood on the first floor, just the way Parker saw them in his house. And then in the bathroom she vomited on the floor and the vomit resembled in shape Ben's fake vomit - Parker's brain again staged all of this...

And since he has this many powers he's telekinetic as well.

Some have hard time taking this much in and I get it.
Thanks for the review. It makes me want to simplify his powers. Perhaps I will.

@Sandra
my favorite thing to do was to watch others rub oil on a blackboard! Never did that myself but always wanted...
You did pretty bad stuff - you're like one of those movie characters!

I was homeschooled when I was 11, so I felt a slight connection with this script from the get-go. I saw where some others commented that this could be developed into a feature, and I think that could possibly be worth a shot. Or maybe you could do a short sequel where Parker actually gets to go to school but gets expelled by the school board because he inadvertently causes too much mayhem. I don't know... maybe not. But it's a good sign that you've created a character that can spawn other off-shoot ideas.

This is a really cool premise, the kind of thing that could be expanded into something bigger.

As others have mentioned, I struggled through the first couple of pages, but stayed with it and it picked up.  I think your thought to simplify his powers is a good one.  It was a lot to follow in such a short presentation, but it would be more digestible in a longer format.

Overall, an interesting piece and worth the read.

Thanks for posting.

Thank you Jerry for the look. I decided to stay away from dramas for the most part and that's why can't develop it into a feature.
You have a very good idea here, maybe if you're interested you could work on it yourself? --just a suggestion.

@jnave, thanks. I'm glad you like the premise of it. I'm planning to rewrite this one.


Thanks all. Please postpone with the comments until I'm done with the rewrite. For some reason it's hard for me to rewrite this one - too many directions to take...

Thanks.