Quoted from SAC I'll get to work on something that involves some stabbing pretty soon!

That's dedication right there Steve, writing for the critics.

I liked it. It's playful, a bit daft in parts, but any serious criticism of actions in the main body of work (I had a few lined up which seemed a bit odd) are removed at the end when the twisty bit happens. It never felt particularly threatening, inspite of the peril from within the fridge, and I reckon that's the correct mood, and for me it definitely works.

The only thing I can really think of improving upon is the Walter Mitty style return to reality. I'd try to introduce some contrast, just to emphasise end of the fantasy bit. Maybe a SMASH as his mum hammers a glass bottle of milk down on the table, and Mickey is awoken from his day dream. Even a "CUT TO:", just something to clarify the scene for the reader so it hits them straight off, rather than an organic realisation a few lines down the track.

Well done, I liked.

Cam

Cam,

Thanks for the read! You make some pretty solid points. I like the idea of Mom making a noise or something that snaps Mickey out of his daydream. If I ever have a reason to give this one a rewrite I'll definitely take that advice. Thanks again.

Steve