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Don't need any input on this as I do not plan on doing a re-write. Just put it up here in case someone would like to film it. It's depressing though, so it probably won't happen, but who knows...
This was something I wrote on a whim in an afternoon. I had no expectations for it. I found it depressing myself, but sometimes stories just want to be told. It didn't take long after it was posted here before I was contacted by two different filmmakers. I let the one that first contacted me to use it. They wrapped this week and hope to have it completed next month.
Several things were changed, but It still looks good and I'm looking forward to see what the final film looks like.
Not sure this one has a powerful message. More like a scary thing that could happen. And, you're right, I might not have been crazy about the story, but apparently it was something they were looking for. It was shot in Queens, NY. I believe the filmmaker is using it to put together a showreel for him as a director.
Thanks Dena! It was just one of those things I wrote in between real stuff. I honestly never thought anyone would be interested in it since it's kind of a depressing piece, IMO. Turned out great though.
Btw, this director is looking for more shorts to shoot. If any of you think he did a great job and have something that fits this, Action, Drama character emotions, or some type of story that has a valuable message at the end, hit me up.
I just checked in with it on YT today and I'm floored that it has almost 8000 views!!! It was posted just four days ago. I ever only manage to get a few hundred on my films.
Again, the director is asking for more scripts. If you have something you think might fit this director, hit me up. He's also interested in making this particular story into several sequels. I'm not sure I have time for that, but I'd be totally willing letting someone else take over.
I never thought this script would get picked up, but... Here's a pic from the second production. Also, the guy that did the first one is shooting a sequel. You just never know what directors will like.
I thought the Mexican one was the better. It lacked some in production quality, but had a very intense atmosphere.
In terms of the story, I thought it was very strong.
For me, it just lacked a link between the guy following them and the reason the original guy had the kid.
I feel that they should have been connected. For example...that the Mother had disappeared and she was worried someone was after her kid.
As it was, it felt strange that that particular one was being targeted.
Your stuff always translates well to film. Keep it up.
Rick
Thanks Rick!
I agree with you on all points. The guy that did the one in Queens actually made a sequel to the first one. In that one there's some things being explained and the mother is in it.
The guy that did the "Mexican" one shopped The Hit for a year, but was unable to get the funds for a proper film. We had a disagreement on a few things on the short. He is an accomplished and award winning documentarian.