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SimplyScripts Screenwriting Discussion Board    Unproduced Screenplay Discussion    Short Sci Fi and Fantasy Scripts  ›  Love Jam
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  Author    Love Jam  (currently 196 views)
Posted: June 10th, 2018, 4:49pm Report to Moderator

So, what are you writing?

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Love Jam by Fausto Lucignani - Short, Sci Fi, Fantasy, Romance, Humor - An attractive woman affected by philophobia experiences a surprising outcome when she undergoes a brain implantation procedure in an experimental clinic. 9 pages

production: Female protagonist. Inexpensive production. - pdf format

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Posted: December 21st, 2018, 5:33pm Report to Moderator

London, UK
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Although this has some futuristic elements, this is really a romcom short. The ending is amusing, but feels that it needs a follow-up, although I think it could make a fun short.  
A lot of the dialogue is ... that term.. 'on the nose'.   "This damn philophobia is destroying my life." "I'm devastated, yesterday Jim asked me if I was in love with him." Two lines of dialogue are completely redundant as we know this from the information already given. In fact,  a lot of the dialogue is bulky and could do with some trimming, especially the clinic office scene.

pg. 1. Deep feeling for you - should be 'deep feelings'.

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