I liked the idea and think the story has legs... but as other's have pointed out there's no scifi element imho.

This one was hard to follow for me, it's like two stories merged into one.  Pedro needs to be introduced properly in capitals.  I didn't notice any sci-fi too.

Most everyone keeps commenting on the lack of sci fi in this script, and (despite the vote being equal at the moment) that it may affect their vote. The 'ghost' element is predominant  - 'ghost or ghosts', so it should not come into it imh.

I think this is the stronger entry of the two in contention based on story inventiveness alone. It definitely has 'Ghost' (the movie) influences but the writer took the plot elsewhere and surprised me.

The writing is clunky - I'm guessing English is not a first language.  Lots to fix by way of grammar, syntax etc., but that can be fixed. Story is going to win me over everytime.

Good job.

You May Come In

Short notes: Some format issues. The concept is clever and your story kept my interest. As I see it though, you yet let miss any explanation how this "medium" Stephania can get in contact with the deceased which was a huge flaw to me. I also think you almost haven't hit the genre at all. However, some entertaining freshness is definitely coming through to me.

story (0-5): 3

character (0-5): 3

presentation (0-5): 2

total: 8

Alex, if you see this:

She gathers some info on the deceased. That she may do without ghosts' help.

But at the same time, she's a medium. She talks to ghosts. Just like in that movie - ghost - they visit. After Pedro is gone, she's meeting with another ghost - that's implied.

And if you're asking about the physics of it - that's a make-believe, not real. That's how mediums roll I believe, they see ghosts, talk to them.

Haha, okay.

So, do you say the medium implied toward her client that he was there just to make money, but same time she didn't knew that he was actually there and you showed the ghost visits as a phantasm by the medium?

As I saw it, she, the medium, actually saw him but you just haven't described the process of how.

So 1 or 2?




I'm the part of the audience who really wants the answers there, so I must say I needed to cut a bit of the scoring.

No, the medium sees him clearly as if he's a living person. At first, we see two living people.

Then we learn others can't see him and understand he was a ghost.

Okay, so to say, the ghost is real but only medium can see him.

Then you in fact let miss the How there, for me. I hoped to get a funky way there, some electro-static triggering tool she has for producing an image of him or sth.

Thanks to all who voted.
The writing is flawed - that's bound to happen with me as usually, I leave entries to sit for a week, then reread and weed out the mistakes.

I'm also very happy that some found it enjoyable.

Some found it confusing - I can see how. Just need to do better, that's all. I think if it was a better entry you'd look past the lack of a sci-fi element and vote for it. So, just need to work on that writing.

Quoted from PrussianMosby Okay, so to say, the ghost is real but only medium can see him. Then you in fact missed that why there, understand. I hoped to get a funky way there, some electro-static triggering tool she has to produce an image of him or sth.

Yeah, she could do that at the end - and that would give it more of a sci-fi feel. I should have. I just wanted it to be more of a drama and more real. I think people would buy into the story more if she'll just close her eyes to meditate, then open her eyes to see him gone.

Might play with the other thing and see how it pans out, thanks.

It's a special skill being able to write exposition without it coming across as exposition, especially without any dramatic backdrop, like an argument or even a couple having sex. Certainly not something that can be done in 48 hours. You set yourself a hard challenge, so well done for writing something to such a high standard in such a short amount of time.

Thanks, Dustin, I appreciate it.

Yes, this was great Kham.

Hope I didn't offend with the NESB comment. It was 48hrs, you fix that in the rewrite.

I only speak one language.  

Ahaha, Libby.

Thanks for the kind words. No, it's not offensive to me, I'm used to it)
Yeah, I'll let it sit a bit and will get to fixing. lots of articles and missing words in here. And other stuff. And I'm starting to see it just now)

Really glad to see you liked it!