Quoted from ajr Not much to add really. Was waiting to get drawn in, and bam, it's over. I haven't read the other entry yet but if as said here it went over the page limit, then you writer are very fortunate. Kind of like bidding $1 on The Price is Right.

IT DIDN'T GO OVER THE PAGE LIMIT!

All this careful reading... no wonder most of the scripts are written so 'solidly'!

So there were 2 dads outside? LOL!  Sorry I couldn't resist that.  Yeah not sure what the writer's plans were here. He had it all building up nicely then finito!

Quite liked this, but way too short to build up momentum properly so the payoff fell flat.

Personally not a fan of underline headings, but hey ho.

Short & sweet.  Not much to go on.  Meets the objective I guess.

Not bad, or badly written, just too light on for my liking and a bit underwhelming.

The Apparition

Short notes: There's a massive effort to make regarding the location, this crazy moon colony, which, imo, only has to be filled with life and entertainment value. It seems you ran out of time or needed to rush with this script. The overall idea of a father reappearing to the moon colony, say via time travel or other physics, might be something, but as is, there are no deep enough features that make a story on these pages.

story (0-5): 1

character (0-5): 2

presentation (0-5): 2

total: 5

I wrote his one.

Quoted from Steven I wrote his one.

No apology?

Quoted from DustinBowcot No apology?

For what? I met the parameters and delivered a piece that was technically precise within the page limit. I know it was short and not fleshed out as much as it could have been, but it is what it is. Nothing here was “bad.”

It was a joke. But I see I touched a nerve.

Quoted from DustinBowcot It was a joke. But I see I touched a nerve.

It’s just annoying being harped on page count, when the rules said a MAX of 5 pages. Why not just make the page count be 5 pages, no more no less, if that’s what everyone expected? If you can tell the story in 2 pages, do it.

My story was thin, yes, but at least it wasn’t confusing, and did hit the genre and location.

The general consensus seems to be that the story isn't fleshed out enough. It's a fact that page count does attribute to that, but it's not the actual issue in of itself.

Quoted from DustinBowcot The general consensus seems to be that the story isn't fleshed out enough. It's a fact that page count does attribute to that, but it's not the actual issue in of itself.

I guess I see it finished in my head, but whatever.

Kids see something weird, go investigate, turns out to be a ghost. That ghost happens to be their father. How did he get there and what happened to him? Doesn’t matter, it was meant to let the audience come up with their own conclusion. Personally, I see it as he worked on the moon, the neighborhood being where the worker’s families lived. So he died somehow outside of the dome, came back to visit.

Quoted from Steven Doesn't matter, it was meant to let the audience come up with their own conclusion.

The 'it's your father' thing is weak. Even weaker when nobody knows how it ended up like this. You had 3 extra pages to work with.

Why should the viewer have to make up that much story? They can't be bothered with that. They're not going to excuse you and make up shit for themselves, they're just going to be unhappy with the final product. If you're going to use precious time to write something you might as well put effort into it. I'm hoping to sell mine. Up to you how you use your time... but don't you make money from writing?