I think Till Cake was a good idea but I thought the execution of same a bit messy.

Renewal, though a bit densely written had me invested. Not perfect but I was along for the ride. Zombies just seem to keep going and going.

Writers,

Wow! this is a tough one. Damn.

RENEWAL

Original take on a wedding, even if they all say zombies are overplayed. Your five pages made the first two busy pages manageable, but there was no wasted writing. You set a pretty grim scene, and did well.

TILL CAKE DO US PART

Funny stuff! Kooky, silly - good comedy, good dialogue. It brought about a chuckle on a few occasions. good work.

Both scripts were a bit underdeveloped. Time constraints, I know.

Good job to both writers! Wish I could vote for both.

Renewal

I count 3 bodies dead. Nice and sweet, liked the self-reflecting zombie-woman, not lost on all areas so to say. Otherwise it was quite predictable and partly a slow read that could need some trimming despite it's already short execution, which I didn't mind btw. Many unneeded asides. Slow action writing. Overall an okay little scenario though.


Till Cake Do Us Part

There is a funny scenario within and some things already worked but why draw such a simple plot over the full 8 pages... I'm the less is more type, and feel that you could have worked with more precision and focus on the main conflict instead of using like a dozen characters and side plots that do not work live on screen, for me. Some funny moments in there that were just overshadowed by stuff that actually felt like dragging filler.

I choose the zombies, more to the point.

This is a toughie.

SPOILERS

Renewal

Do zombies actually have lives to take?  I thought by their nature the disease had killed the host and the person that once lived in that body has ceased to exist.

Till Cake Do Us Part

The other one had a confusion way about it.

You should have started off with noting a flashback and/or wrote the SUPER: "5 Years Later" at the start of the wedding scene.  When I read that I was expected to transport into the future/present, but nothing had changed from the previous lines to the next.

There were a couple of humorous moments.  And from a objective point of view, I think this was more on point, although the other one was written better, although a slow read.

Wow, really tough choice...

RENEWAL

I'm going to ask someone to shoot ME in the head if I have to read one more script about zombies, but that's my personal preference which I will try to put aside for the sake of the vote.

Yeah I thought I remembered the priest getting offed too so yeah, parameter breaker. And did we spend enough time at a celebration? Who knows any more, I'm getting tired of trying to follow whether these scripts followed the rules, so forgive me for the grumpy reviews here.

TIL CAKE DO US PART

We spend half the script away from the wedding where two people die. I was confused about the time job and about why the time jump. Characters I couldn't invest in.

Think I'm going with zombies just because the writer attempted a script with heart...

Renewal

You have to be careful when being descriptive not to use tells. A hellish urban landscape looks pretty descriptive but breaks down because hellish is a tell. What is a hellish urban landscape?

It�s the classic vision
of a zombie apocalypse


Is again another tell.

Some of your other descriptions are pretty good.

The carrion birds don�t even look up as a MALE
and FEMALE ZOMBIE stumble past. They seem middle-aged but
who really can tell?

I can forgive 'carrion birds' but the final sentence is really annoying. It's forced. Fake.

Overhead, a gap in the clouds appears; a ray of sunlight
somehow pierces the gloom and hits the open doors of the
church.

The above is good, only ruined by 'somehow'. I like how you visually direct the eye to the church. Very good. Just drop the 'somehow' shite.

The female zombie stops, wavers on her feet. The
male continues his eternal slog to nowhere.

The camera had moved to the sun, then to the church doors... these guys need a new action block.

You've had a go here, and I appreciate some of the visuals. However, the writing is off in a lot of places. story is a little weak too.

Score, 2.5

Till Cake...

Code Buck naked and bent over the bed, JULIA (22) takes the business end of her boyfriend, ROY (22) mounted behind her. A small business, Roy is near collapse but determined to reach the top of his personal mountain.

I have no idea what the second sentence means. Also being mounted just sounds wrong in this context. Is he on the mantlepiece or something?

Code ...her soon to be handsome husband.

Is he going for plastic surgery?

This one isn't for me.