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I've decided, while sitting with another re-draft of a script, to return to my idea for a pure comedy (no drama elements - new to me) I outlined a few months ago.
I haven't written a logline yet (I generally do that later) but basically the "hook" is it's an anti-romantic comedy wherein the protagonist tries to get his ex back, despite the fact that the main character is the worst person on Earth and his relationship was awful. I also wanted to write about a character in a same-sex relationship getting dumped by his ex for a woman.
It's based in the US, which is hard for me to write, and I was also wondering whether the MC (Ishmael) is too off=putting and unlikable (he's meant to be, but I guess I still want people to be able to sit through it).
Hi Ben, I've read quite a bit of your work in the past and you're a natural with comedy/romcom.
The dialogue in most of your work rolls off the tongue nicely and it's always a quick easy read. No different with this one.
Dropbox anmoys me a bit cause I can never copy text I want to comment on. Loved the Law & Order line, and quite a few other lines I thought were terrific too.
I love Ishmaels's character, I don't find him unlikeable at all. Quite the opposite. I'm rooting for him (excuse the pun) ... I mean considering how Charlie blows him off - literally. Funny stuff, and very real. I feel like I'm in capable hands with the writing.
Like I said, I'd highlight a few things (if I was able to in that file) and there are a few typos, missing words (godfather line, from memory) but quibbles only, not major things.
I do think Ishmael should/could have actually disgraced himself more at the party than he actually did. Apart from being slightly rude to Patience, I don't think it warranted Charlie saying he actually ruined opening night. Charlie's the creep imho. And I'm on the fence with Danica, she might get annoying.
I warmed to the title because of the dialogue reference but before that I couldn't actually say I was a fan.
Looking forward to seeing where you go with this. Nice work so far...
If anybody's interested, I finished a first draft on this. It's 88 pages and I'm really quite proud of it in terms of using it as potential for a second draft (if you can't tell, I don't outline and just write a draft and kind of see what happens? It's really quite unhelpful)
If anybody's interested, I finished a first draft on this. It's 88 pages and I'm really quite proud of it in terms of using it as potential for a second draft (if you can't tell, I don't outline and just write a draft and kind of see what happens? It's really quite unhelpful)
I have no idea if it's any good but I suspect that it loses track about half way through. Let me know if you think it's funny.
Yes, it's funny and charming. As the plot-driven whore I am, I'm amazed by the character-driven nature of this. The dialogue is witty, and natural. But (here I go) without a plot, it meanders and has no story or structure.
Film is such a visual medium, to have wall to wall dialogue is a tough sell. You do have an arsenal of character-driven material here to pull a plot together around, but I wonder if it'd be better fit for a series?